Am I alive?

Reads: 178  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
"I only had twenty years of life, but it doesn't matter. Cause in those years, I helped the others as much as I could. And even when I didn't have the strength to move anymore, I decided to spend my time in home and write things that might help others understand what truly matters. The only thing that makes me sad is that I wasn't able to make others understand... But at least I tried." - The person said and died.

Submitted: March 15, 2014

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 15, 2014



People spend their time on such foolish things. Honestly, does it really matter how you look like? Does it matter if you have fucked one or thousands of people? And who cares if you like males, females or transexuals? 

I don't. I never did and I never will care about such things. Even if I wanted to I can't. Why? Cause I don't have the time to do so.

My name... doesn't really matter. Nor does it matter if I'm a girl or a boy, or where I'm from. And nobody truly gives a shit for my sexuality. What everyone sees when they look at me is a person with cancer. That is my "stigma". That is what they see in me and that is what have formed my destiny and they way I think from the very first day I was born.

How can I actually find friends when everyone pities me?

How can I find a lover when everyone looks at me as if I was a disease?

How can I make my mother proud when I can't even get out of the house?

Shit, I can't even bother with stupid things... How can I care of what my hair looks like when I don't have any? And how can I care of how my body looks like when I can't shape it as I want cause I don't have the strength to exercise? 

They told me I should hope and that "everyone will stand by my side". Bullshit. People doesn't have the time to truly care about creatures like me. They are too busy with the "important" stuff in their life. They just "support" me cause they feel better this way. Cause people are cruel and when they see something weak they enjoy looking at it burn slowly from the inside. It makes them feel good, it boosts their confidence. Why? Cause they are shallow as fuck, that's why.

If they truly respected people like me and if they could actually see what's truly important in life then they wouldn't treat me as dead weight. They wouldn't have this pity in their eyes... They would treat me as they treat everybody else. 

But who am I to complain? Just one of the many who are different. I just happen to be a bit more miserable cause of my health but I'm not the only one.

You should see how they look a homosexual guy who just happen to like the same sex that he is.

You should hear what they say about a female who refuses to get married or have children because she wishes to do other stuff in her life.

You should feel how it is to be trapped in a body that is not "beautiful" and get judged cause of it when you don't really care about looks.

Cause people like to bother their heads with stupid stuff and when you don't follow those things you are an "outsider". You are someone who doesn't belong to their world and should be punished. Whether it is because of your nature, your wishes, your looks or your health it doesn't matter. When you are not with "them" you must be punished.

Too bad that they don't understand that actually those "outsiders" are the ones who truly live. When you don't care anymore of what others say cause you know they will never accept you, you are free from some of your chains. Not all of them, but still enough of them to be able to fly a little higher from the ground. And there you might find happiness.

Hi.. My name, my gender, my looks, my sexuality and my background it doesn't matter. I'm a person with cancer and today I'm dieing. But I know that, unlike you, I have truly lived. Even if it was for a small amount of time it doesn't matter, I spend my time as best as I could with the strength I had and tried to make this world a bit better. I have failed, but at least I tried. Now is up to you.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Narrators Comment: I don't really know what came to my mind when I read this, but I geuss I just wanted to write about some complains I have towards the society I'm living and ended up making a mess. I didn't really bother with Grammatical mistakes and I don't even know if this whole thing makes any sense... Sorry about that.

© Copyright 2019 Grief. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments: