The heart of the Assassin

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a small romance story that came into my mind. I didn't really thought much about it neither did I check it so it might seem a bit "off" and have many grammatical errors. At first I thought of not posting it but then I thought, " heck just post it!". Hope anyone who reads it will enjoy it regardless...

Submitted: September 21, 2014

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Submitted: September 21, 2014

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Once more, those pale hands that held me tightly gave me a reason to breath tonight. Once more, those pretty eyes that pierced into my soul made my heart race faster than the thunder that falls on the ground in a stormy night. Once more, this body that was touching mine so gently and yet so strongly made my soul burn like fire.

And like this I found myself again. Because when I was about to give up, she was right there next to me and promised me that everything would be alright. Because when I stopped moving forward she took me by the hand and guided me towards the darkness. Because when I stopped believing in me she was there and she trusted me more than I could ever trust myself. 

When I ran away from the police, she was the one who allowed me to hide in her house.

When I lost my mother, she was the one who came next to me and shared with me my grief.

When I placed the gun against my head, she was the one who stopped me from comminting suicide.

Who have thought it, right? A great doctor like her staying by the side of a serial killer like me. I always wondered why. Why does she stays by my side? Once I even dared to ask her. She replied to me with a sweet on her face:

  Because I love you 

I thought that I would never be able to feel again after my mother's death. Yet here I was, standing in front of a normal woman who knew nothing of suffering or pain or hunger, feeling as a little child cause of those simple words. I was a fool. A pitiful yet happy fool...

I met her five years ago inside the garden of my victim. It was winter, snow was falling from the sky and it was dark. I went outside of the villa to have a smoke, thinking that nobody would be there since it was so cold. I wanted to calm a bit before I completled my mission. As I looked at the sky thinking of my mother I heared a low humming coming behind a huge frozen fountain. Following the sound, I found her there standing alone in the snow. She had her eyes closed and she moved her body to the slow beat that she had in her mind. Her clothes were soaked, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact she was smiling. Since my curiosity was settled I thought that I shouldn't disturb her and tried to leave without making a sound. However I slipped and made a small noise as I tried to keep my balance.

" Are you alright? " She had obviously heard me and probably saw that I almost fell as well. I had no choice but to talk to her, so I turned around to face her.

But instead of excusing myself and leave as I had planned, I just remained speachless as I looked at her. To be honest, she wasn't really beautiful; many would have thought that her face was pretty much average. Neither was it her extremely thin and weak looking body, nor the scar on her left cheek or her gently smile. It was her eyes that made stare at her like a fool. Those beautiful eyes that sparkled more brightly than the moon on the nightsky. So pure, so childish and so clear, they captured me into their glare and led me to a new world of emotions.

That is right, I knew it. I knew it from that very moment that this person would become important to me. And she really did... After she spotted me at the garden we talked for hours about things that I don't even remember. She told me that she was a doctor and how she grew up in a ritch family. How she knew how to play the piano and speak many languages and how happy she was with her achievments. She belonged to the type of people I hate; The ritch, ignorant people who know nothing of real life. The kind of humans that lie in order to become famous and order people like me to kill in order to gain even more money or a high position in the goverment. Yet I couldn't biring myself to hate her. The way she spoke about her job and how she felt glad when a patient of hers recovered or how she cried whenever someone died in the operation room made me want to learn even more about her.

And that is what I did. I learned her name and where she lived. I followed her everywhere and pretended that it was just luck that we met. Because something inside me told me that she would accept me. A deep feeling in me told me that she was the one; the one that would forgive my sins, the one who would stand for me, the one that would show me love. 

And I was right. After two years of being together with her and telling her everything about me she still stood by my side. She didn't care about my past nor for the fact that I was taking lifes away while her job was to save them. 

" You're a good person. " She told me once while she was naked in my arms.

" A good person... Don't make me laugh. "

" You are. "

" How can a killer be a good person? I think you're going crazy... " I laughed softly on my own as I tried not to look at her.

" If it wasn't for your mother... If he wasn't threating you with the hospital fees, would you still kill? "

" You know, this is what I was trained to do since I was little. I don't think I-- "

" Would you kill? " She asked again and looked at  me with her big child like eyes. 

I stayed quiet for a while and then, without realising it, a tear fell down my cheek. After that I started crying; it was the first time I cried after many many years...

She was right. No matter how I was raised, if I had another choice I wouldn't kill in order to survive. I geuss I failed as an assassin; even after the years of hard training I still had feelings left inside of me. Or was it the fact that I was the only one from my team to find their family after years of separation? I don't really know. The only thing I knew was that I was desperate. I wanted to change but I didn't know how. As long as my mother needed help, I couldn't help it by obey my "master". Of course, my love had expressed her will to pay for my mother and set me free but I didn't want to involve her into this. At times I even thought of letting her in order for her to be safe, but I wasn't strong enough to do so. In the end however, all those hope were in vain since my mother died and I ended up running away. Lost and without any hope of escaping the man that had me as his slave for years, I took away my own life. But she found me before I did. She found and she saved me.

And now here we are, in the airport waiting for our flight.

" Are you sure its what you want? "

" I told you one hundred times, yes! " She rolled her eyes as she replied.

" But what about your father? "

" I left a letter to my father explaining as much as I could. After all, let's face it, as long as he has my brother to take care of the company, he doesn't really care about me. "

" And your job? "

She opened her mouth and closed it again. She looked at her toes and bited her down lip. Of course she would miss her job. Making the pain of others go away and seeing them smile was as important as breath for her. And that is what scared me the most; what if she decided to go back? Of course I wanted her to be happy but if she left me... What would I do? Go back to my old life? Run away on my own? And why would I want to keep moving on anyway? Is not like I had a home to return or something to hope for... I belong to the pile of trash in this society and she was the only one who made me have some kind of worth. The only one who reminded me that no matter what life I lived and what sins I had, I was still a human and I could be forgiven for my sins. Without her, I had nothing.

But, once more, I was worrying without any reason. Cause she looked at me again with a smile and grabbed my hands tightly.

" It is fine... Let us go now and after some time, when things will calm down and we are able to have a new life, I will try to work once more in a hospital. "

" And what if things never calm down? What will you do then? "

" I'll stand by you and will try to stop you whenever you are about to do something stupid. Isn't that what I always do? "

" Yes but -- "

" But but but... Stop thinking to much! Look at us... You are free from that dude and I'm about to break free from my parents control. We have money and a destination and, most importantly, we are together! Stop worrying... Everything will be fine. "

I had nothing else to say. She was always so sure about everything... I always wondered where she found all her strength. Could be because she had a happy childhood? Or was the fact that she could trust her self and her skills? I didn't know and I didn't care... Only one thing bothered me.

" I still don't understand why you stick with me. " After I spoke, she laughed and rolled her eyes to tease me. 

" I told you already: Cause I love you! "

" Yeah, but why you love me? "

" I love you because you are you..."

" That makes no sense... "

" Oh? It doesn't? Then tell me, Mr. Logic, why do you love me? "

I looked at her and bited my lips. Considering my age and the fact that I have killed people, I probably shouldn't feel shy. Yet here I was... I took a deep breath and replied to her with honesty.

" I love you cause you accepted me. You stood by me. You were the one that help me find hope. And, I know that it will sound weird but... I feel as if you are a part of me. The pure and childish part I lost when I was young... That is why I love you. "

When I finished I looked at her eyes and she faced me with a serious exression. After a few minutes of silence, she smiled to me and nodded. 

" And I love you cause you needed me more than anyone else in my life ever did. You showed me that I can be important and that I have a reason to live as well. You know, I also think of you as a part of me... A part that gives me courage to move on and do what I love. You were the one who made me realise how much I love seeing others smile and you were the one who gave me passion and purpuse in life. That is why I love you. "

I looked at her for a while and then I laughed.

" Seems like we both love each other out of selfishness. "

She chuckled and nodded playfully. " Seems that way indeed... But still I think this is the way it should be. "

I looked at her confused and asked her what she meant.

" Well... If you love me cause you think of me as part of you and I love you cause I think of you as part of me, doesn't that mean that we will love each other till the end? Humans... Humans are pretty selfish people you see. " She turned her head and looked outside the window as if she was thinking of something that was sad and funny at the same time. " We like to say that true love is the one that makes you put others above yourself, but is it really? If you care and love someone more than yourself, won't you get tired of it? Won't wish to give up after a while? I think those people are wrong. Being selfish is the right way to love someone. " She looked at me again and she smiled brightly. " And even if it is not right for most people...

...then it might be right just for us."

 


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