Be Sure To Wash Your Hands

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

A lengthy poem/lyrics I wrote awhile back. All comments and feedback are appreciated!


Submitted: August 12, 2009

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Comments

flavoredair

The repetition is a little tiring on the eyes to be honest. I found myself mid-way down just reading the first line on each stanza and it held up. I read it out loud with the repeating lines and it has a grinding feel (like a driving point.) PS I'm completely enamored with the simple phrase "when love was love."

Wed, August 12th, 2009 3:39pm

Author
Reply

Yeah, I had originally intended for them to be song lyrics. And when I did the triple thing aloud for a song it sounded good, hehe. But, I was also intending for it to be much shorter. So yeah, I had considered just completely abolishing the three line boredom, but decided to keep it in and see what people think. Now I know my mistake. Thank you for the comment!

Wed, August 12th, 2009 8:50am

xXTwistedWorldXx

That's good.

Wed, August 12th, 2009 9:41pm

Author
Reply

Thanks :)

Wed, August 12th, 2009 4:08pm

KrazyKat

I saw a comment saying that the repition got a little tiresom. I am glad that I am not the only one who felt this. I did think that the repition grew a more stronger meaning at the end, and I appreciated that. This poem made me think horrible thoughts, and if that was your goal, then I applaud you. If it was, I am very happy with this work. It says this is old work, so I'm assured your newer work - that I am about to check out now - has blossomed more. =)

Wed, June 2nd, 2010 8:54pm

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