Journel Entries, unsure!! Need help

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
blacas90ihr

Submitted: November 03, 2011

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Submitted: November 03, 2011

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11/01/11 @ 9am

I feel like every time I meditate or try to contact spirit guides or higher self for information like the Akosh or just other questions… they remain silent. It is almost as if they do not want me yet to know my purpose. They know by this point that I no longer heed the desires of duality and that I AM my Divine Self Now. I can see the make-up of the ‘world’ now that I have begun to awaken my pineal gland… the shimmery ‘randomly’ moving orbs that are just as clear with or without glasses that float in the sky. So why then am I having such difficulty with auric sight? Duality has been ‘trying’ to get me to think I made a mistake and that I am not supposed to be a light worker at all and that I should have lived out my life none the wiser. I KNOW this is not true! I just wish Purple Sand (Lower self) would let go of the old emotion to clear the channel to higher self so that we can do what we came here for.

 

11/03/11 @ 11am

I have been trying… maybe that’s the problem; to communicate or receive communication from higher self, I have spent much of the last 3 weeks doing guided chakra balancing, attunements, light body activation exercises, hemi sync, akoshic record meditations, DNA activations, and as much as possible to decalcify my pineal gland. Which I am starting to at least see that pay off, being able to see the orbs or energy in the sky. The date in which I had hoped to finally have my mind veil lifted was my birthday nov 9. Which has been my goal date for mind ascension and having an open channel with higher self and to see auras which I have read as much as possible on and done as much as possible practice as well as lots or right brain exercising with art and music and stuff… but neither goal has manifested. I am struggling right now to have enough capital to even be able to survive let alone have abundance. I feel perhaps I may be doing something wrong in all of this. The voice of Duality keeps telling me my stumbing into the occult and the esoteric and all the subsequent research and syncronistic events was a mistake and I was born to just be a pawn and that I am not a light worker at all. I really wish to get an aura readoing, I belive my ground color is purple and there are some past events that have lead me to this as well. I also have been concerned with gender, of course these thought may as well be the voice of duality, what I mean is that I am not sure if my whole I am is happy with my transition that I have made. Perhaps…. I am feeling an overwhelming rush of sadness…. Perhaps… I transitioned for the wrong reasons. I am just so happy as a girl… I cannot see, the tears fill my eyes. I need answers to so many things but higher self seems to want nothing to do with my best friend Purple Sand (Lower Self) and I (Middle self). My visualization skills are sub standard but better then they have ever been in my life. I can visualize for about 2-3 seconds, and then I go back to looking at my eyelids. I need a teacher but the one time I was sure I had found her, she never replied to my email. I am unbalanced now even as I write this, but I know I had to get it all out. I need to get the answers that I seek. I am willing to do whatever it takes to finally be sure of my path. I know I am important! I know I am much more than a pawn.

Suggestions from other lightworkers is much needed at this time.


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