Apocalypse

Reads: 685  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 8

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Trial and Terror

The soul can only take so much.

When the heart stops beating and is roughly ripped out,

the blood that's left creates some art

of the ones that loved the dear departed,

the friends of the person that's dead, yet uncharted,

this man or women who sailed the sea

in search of love, to finally breathe,

their family send out some urgent calls,

they hope,

upon hope,

that someone's appalled,

shocked and scared that this all could happen,

they might take action,

a tight compaction,

a fatal attraction

a vile distraction

from cruel interaction

of frightened contraction,

as a bite as a whole

can defeat all the fractions

and then when it's gone

and there's nothing but dawn,

and the sun can shine on,

and you realize what's wrong,

the person you loved,

a little white dove,

now flown up above

to a man's golden glove,

the dark, empty shell

of the person that fell,

they're who you miss now,

who needed your prowl,

the one you regret,

you'll never forget,

limp with no breath,

they lay there...

 

they're dead.


Submitted: January 12, 2016

© Copyright 2021 H. Adams. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Melancholic Wisdom

Yess, its great to see that you've posted something! This one was very dark, uncharacteristic of you. However, I like it, cause it shows that you're broading out in different things and themes and the like, which is only compacted the older you get. The artwork associated with this piece is as beautiful as always. I liked how there was an absence of color in this one, kind of showing how death is obviously bleak and uncolorful. It actually fits really well. I think this one is a great contrast to your normal work, and I like how you keep branching into more themes as well. Great work as usual. :)

Tue, January 12th, 2016 5:23am

Author
Reply

The themes will continue to branch, and will hopefully be rolling out soon in story form. I've got midterms coming up and that week is going to be INSANE. Lots of cramming and studying to do. Maybe I'll conjure up something about stress over that time period... I've got a bunch of finished stuff sitting in my folders, so maybe I'll post one of those during my prolonged absence. Glad you liked, thank you, NIk!

Thu, January 14th, 2016 7:40pm

Gaea Killarny

So powerful in so many ways. You captured the feeling so well. Love this.

Tue, January 12th, 2016 7:37am

Author
Reply

Thank you! At least I was able to reach somebody :)

Thu, January 14th, 2016 7:40pm

Christopher Kush

Really interesting piece, the line that sticks out in my mind is "the person you loved, a little white dove, now flown up above, to a man's golden glove" such a beautiful way to describe the passing of someone. I had a friend pass away recently and this line is really comforting and sincere. Great use of language and imagery, thanks for sharing this. :)

Tue, January 12th, 2016 7:39am

Author
Reply

Wow, thank you! Such comforting comments, I'm glad you had a favorite. Connecting to a piece of writing like you were able to do is sometimes the most powerful of creations. I appreciate the feedback!

Thu, January 14th, 2016 7:42pm

Chris Green

I'm glad that you didn't take your promised break from booksie, hanorbi, this one sizzles with invention.
Regards
Chris

Tue, January 12th, 2016 1:00pm

Author
Reply

I guess I shouldn't really call it a break... it's more of a slow down from the pace I was going at. Just posting less often, with (hopefully) better quality.
Thanks Chris!

Sat, January 16th, 2016 9:19pm

Mr Watson

A dark piece Hanorbi, all that's left is a shell and some beautiful memories hopefully !

Thu, January 14th, 2016 9:39pm

Author
Reply

Memories always stick around. They're the only things left when the rest is gone... Thanks, Mr. W!

Sat, January 16th, 2016 9:20pm

SuzonneH

Oh my God Hanorbi... this is good. Pure perfection. I actually cried, and trust me, I do NOT cry, so you must be the next big thing. Have I ever told you that I would marry you? XD

Fri, January 15th, 2016 1:58am

Author
Reply

Aw, sorry I made you cry :/ Hopefully it was a good cry! And you have, lol. It'd be nice to be the next big thing, even though I doubt I'd make it that far. Thanks, Suz!

Sat, January 16th, 2016 9:22pm

Keke Serene

This is amazing, I love it

I love dystopia, so a poem labeled dystopia is an instant draw. But oh m g! You do such a...hold on while I look up a more fitting synonym for eloquent, I used the word In my last comment! Ooh, what about the word grandiloquent. That's a nice word! Yes, so you do so in such a grandiloquent style, it's just quite frankly so very poinant yet beautiful at the same, as all things truly perfect are. The story you tell is just so creative, an interesting twist on, what seems, Romeo and Juliet. I liked all the rythming, it really built up tensionvery well! It's so hard to build anxiety and suspense in a poem, but I'm not surprised that you achieve the feat, and in such a talented way.
I absolutely adore and admire the lines concerning the "little white dove" and the "golden hand," great imagery, an original metaphor for someone passing away. :D
To end it, "they lay there...they're dead." I feel so freaking horribly sad. I feel like the poem, as the lover, is incomplete. Why do you have to do this to us! It's so sad..! :(
But so greatly written! Definately shelving this one! Excellent work!

Sun, January 24th, 2016 2:20pm

Author
Reply

Woahhh grandiloquent tho lol. Thanks for the new word, I'm adding that to my vocabulary. I don't even know how I built suspense in the form of a poem, that's just so weird. I didn't notice it until you mentioned it.

Aw, sorry you're sad. Looking at pictures of kittens, from my experience, helps tremendously to cure sadness. Or pictures of corgis. Both are viable.

Thanks again, Keke!

Sun, January 24th, 2016 8:41am

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