Prologue to my story - Feedback greatly appreciated!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
The reason I am publishing this is because I could really use some feedback on whether this story has potential or whether I should just stop writing and think of something else.

Some pointers and advice would also be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!

Submitted: August 15, 2012

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Submitted: August 15, 2012




Another one then, Sam?’’  Eric asked as he poured yet another mug of beer. ‘’Surely only two pints is not enough for a man of your stature!’’.
‘’I’ll pass, Warren expects me at the stables tomorrow morning.’’ Sam said.
Eric frowned and took a large gulp of his beer. He was a handsome man of twenty-five, but still a reckless child on the inside.
‘’That old man.. he takes your hard work for granted,’’ he said. ‘’He doesn’t pay you nearly enough for everything you do around there.’’
‘’Maybe so, but he is the only one that offered me a job when my father left.’’ Sam said. ‘’It would be rude to just get up and leave after what he did for me.’’
As Eric took another large sip of his beer he came up with an idea. ‘’I know!’’ he said loudly. ‘’You should come work with me!’’.
‘’You don’t have a job.’’ Sam said as he frowned. ‘’Besides, I am not going to leave my job at the inn no matter what you-‘’
‘’-We could be male prostitutes!’’ Eric quickly interrupted. ‘’We could travel the country in search of lonely women who are in desperate need of our undivided services!’’
Sam chuckled. ‘’You’re drunk, and I am going home.’’ he said. He stood up, put on his wool cloak and walked out the tavern door.
‘’We are both handsome men, Sam!’’ Eric shouted. ‘’The offer still stands may you ever reconsider!’’

It was already dark outside and snowing. There were no children playing out on the streets like they usually do when snow falls. Sam shivered and blew into his hands to catch some warmth as he walked through the village. He passed the stables where he works and noticed a sign. Sam curiously approached it and read; ‘’TEMPORARILY CLOSED DUE TO RAT INFESTATION.’’
‘’A rat infestation?’’ Sam thought to himself. ‘’Why did Warren not tell me?’’.
He walked around side the stables towards the window, he peeked through and did not notice anything peculiar. Everything was as he left it three days ago. Sam frowned and walked back around. ‘’Hey! you there!’’ a loud voice shouted. Sam took a hold of the hilt of his dagger as he turned around. A town guard approached him. He was a large and bulky man in armor, and he did not seem too friendly. ‘’What are you doing here?’’ He asked grumpily. ‘’Why were you peeking through that window over there?’’
Sam sighed in relief and covered up his dagger with his cloak. ‘’I work here.’’ he said. ‘’I was just looking inside to see if everything was ok, the smith did not tell me about the rat infestation, so I got worried.’’
The guard carefully observed Sam as if he was considering arresting him. ‘’Why would a blacksmith not tell one of his assistants about an infestation?’’ He asked. ‘’That does not sound very smart.''
‘’I don’t know.’’ Sam said. ‘’He usually tells me everything.’’
The guard frowned. ‘’Very well, move along then.’’
‘’And a pleasant evening to you as well, sir.’’ Sam said as he turned around and continued home.

Sam finally reached his cabin and quickly opened the door. As soon as he got inside he took off his snow covered cloak and boots, lit a few candles and sat down in his favorite chair. He leaned backwards, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. ‘’I hate the winter.’’ He thought to himself.
A loud creaking noise from upstairs disturbed him as he opened his eyes. He stood up and walked towards the staircase. He looked up and saw nothing but darkness.
There was another creaking noise, this time louder and followed by a loud clattering noise. ‘’You have got to be kidding me.’’ Sam thought to himself, he grabbed a candle and hurried up the stairs. As he tried to navigate his way through the dark hallway a ice cold shiver went down his spine. It felt as if the temperature up there dropped a hundred degrees.  He took a deep breath and walked towards where the loud noise came from. A sudden breeze of ice cold air passed through the hallway causing his candle to burn out.  Sam seemed puzzled as he turned around towards the staircase to grab another candle. Another shiver went down his spine, this one causing him to stop dead in his tracks. ''What the hell is happening!?'' Sam thought. A final ice cold shiver went down his spine, this one caused him a great deal of pain.
He tried to call for help but he could not utter anything but a gasping noise. ''Please God make it stop.'' Sam prayed. 
From a dark corner of the hallway emerged black smoke, which slowly started taking the shape of Sam's mother. Sam stared in disbelief. 
A hundred demonic voices filled his head, all seeming to be arguing in ancient Latin. Suddenly the arguing stopped, the black smoke started to quickly approach Sam and only one voice, even more terrifying than the others shouted;

''Don't you want to know what happened to your mother?''

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