HOT AIR ,DISPAIR AND GOING NOWHERE

Poem by: half chewed pen

Reads: 569 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 3

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LIFE SUGGESTED ..SO I RESPONDED !

LIFE SUGGESTED

THAT IT ISN'T ME WHO REALLY GETS TO CHOOSE

AND ALL THOSE WOULD-BE MANIFESTATIONS

WAS ONLY ME TRYING TO DEVIDE ONE INTO TWO

AND AS MY BLIND SIDE

INSTINTIVELY DUCKS ANOTHER RIGHT

I TAKE A GRIP OF HINDSIGHT

AND TRY AND PUNCH OUT ITS LIGHTS

AND NOW THE FIGHT BEGINS

OF HOW THINGS SHOULD HAVE BEEN

THE ROUND BELL 'DINGS 'SUMMONING THE WEAK

O THOSE BLESSED HUMBLE MEEK

WHO STILL FUMBLE

WHILST TRYING TO DRESS

THEN ADDRESS EACH OTHER

IN WAYS THEY REALLY COULDN'T CARE ALESS

AND 'YES' TODAY

STILL HAUNTS ME EVEN MORE

CANT STOP THE PLASMA TRAIL

OF ANOTHER IMPENDING WAR

SOLUTIONS OF SOLITUDE

AND AMAZING SELF CONSTITUTIONS

FAIL IN LIFE SPIRAL RING

AND ITS SUBTLE EVOLUTIONS

AND THOSE STREAMS OF ILLUSION

THAT POWER MENTAL TURBINES

TURBULANCE HARNESSED

FROM A TROUBLED MIND

O MY O MY

WHAT LAYS BY THE WAY SIDE

IN DITCHES OF ETERNAL WHYS

AND IN CULDI SACS OF LULLA BY'S

THEN AS WE RISE

AND THE GROUND BENEATH US DROPS

WE PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS

THROW OUT EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT

TO TRY AND STOP

THE DECENT OF MORAL PRIDE

AND AS THE BUBBLE

TEETERS ON THE TREE LINE

A FEARFUL TEARFUL LAUGHTER CRIES

FOR F**K SAKE DECIDE

BUT THE WORLD OF FILES

AND RINGBINDERS

AUTOMATIC CALL BACKS

AND FLURESENT REMINDERS

THE SCREENS OF INFORMATION

AND THAT TAIL LESS MOUSE

A BOUND BINARY WORLD

SCREAMS THE WEB OUT ALOUD

AND IN THE DIGITAL BLEEPS

AND FLASHING L.E.D's

THE EARTH GIVES OVER ITS RYTHM

TO THE LIFE SUPPORT MACHINE .

Submitted: November 13, 2006

Poetry observations

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Comments

petros

HalfChewedPen, you've got an arresting style. Trouble here is, I find it a bit too wide ranging and highly referenced from life and perhaps deeply from your experiences to just be hot air. :) which is why, I can only give your 3 points. but then, that's just silly ole me.

Here's a little nitpicking :) there's an abundance of fullstops and commas at all odd places, a sprinkling of spell mistakes and unseemly line breaks, you know.

Makes for a jarring read on top of a blazing emotion here. While I enjoy your work, this is a difficult one. But keep firing away!

Mon, November 13th, 2006 4:44pm

Author
Reply

Thank you ,for both your comments .. much much appreciated,they go straight to the heart .! i love all forms of constructive critism as it will help me out in the future ...sorry about grammer and punctuation and spelling ..i will have to enrole in an class and learn the basics ! as my recent summary notes ,iam useless at at it !
I will have a little editing session .
love and respect
from
half chewed pen

Mon, November 13th, 2006 9:13am

Mr Benn

This is the second piece of yours I've looked at and I need to catch my breath. You really are full on. No subtleties but straight in your face. A bit intimidating but a lot better than wandering off at a tangent, or trying to sugar coat things. Keep it up.

Mon, November 13th, 2006 9:26pm

Author
Reply

Hi Mr Benn.
Thanks for the comment ..my appogies for the delay in response I completely missed the extra see and answer comments link.. it appears you have to click then click again to see more than the last ten .
hence the catch up !

Sat, June 9th, 2007 4:34am

Tyler Mitchell

Wow, this is so full of powerful emotion! This is exactly the type of piece that would make a lovely oral interpretation monolouge. I love how you describe the struggle of ordinary life in conjunction with rapid modernization, and how it seems next to impossible to overcome. It also reflects your personality (as all writing does for it's author), in the underlying current of meaning (i.e. your search for inner truth). I really like this and will have to give it a vote.

Fri, February 8th, 2008 5:23am

Author
Reply

Hi Tyler sorry for the delay in response .thanks for the great comment. You are right it is great as an oral piece. Originally
it was 3 individual poems written back to back but the rhythm and topic was so similar I joined them together as one .Longer than most of my poems but still one of my favorites!
success

Tue, March 11th, 2008 6:38am