I Fall Apart

Reads: 272  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a bunch of words trying to explain how blindy i stumbled through this probably common occurence in life.

Submitted: January 31, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 31, 2012

A A A

A A A


I Fall Apart

It all seems quite ridiculous now, looking back on it, The reaction was unexpected as was the situation. You can’t plan for shit like that. I know she wasn’t mine to own. It was down to the depth of feeling involved. How did it get this far, what made her different from any other girl I’d met before. I’ll tell you what, When she was there, She was an angel. Cuter than Hello Kitty and sweeter than a box of Meltme chocolate .Something stopped me from seeing what was plainly there to see by anyone not living in the clouded fantasy land I found myself in. For those first few weeks, months? Was it even that long? Certainly, I am not the first and surely won’t be the last. Dodged the bullet were the words spoken by a friend. I tend to believe it now. Unfortunately someone else caught that bullet and is slowly bleeding out as I write this. Broken hearted is far too much of a cliché for me. You have to be in love to get a broken heart. Possible that it was as close to a broken heart as I would like. So much so that for a while you could find me blotting out the real or imagined pain with valium, washed down with a generous helping of alcohol. There seemed no way out of it. Washed out and fucked up. All for a slip of a girl. For a time the feelings were still raw. A fair sense of confusion, anger and then time spent mulling it over, going over minute details. Trying to figure out at what point things went awry. In this time spent, I found out 2 things. One being wine is fine but whisky is quicker and the other that I was still in the dark.

Claims of caring all amounted to fuck all. Being oblivious to what goes on around you only goes so far. Refusing to see or act, Hollow apologies all came too late and didn’t mean much. Only having been prompted from the man who is now in the process of being bled slowly by the said Angel. Normally Angels are surrounded by light, on this occasion the illuminating light being shined was by my esteemed friend. Seemingly this Angel was in the dark about the chaos inducing effect she had on men. As there was a trail of destruction far behind me of broken men with broken hearts and torn souls. This Angel is more of a Devil. But, good luck to my friend I say. If you can succeed where I failed so easily. It’s taken me long enough to be able to sit in their presence without a distinct feeling of resentment towards both.. Only recently has this change in me taken place. It took so long before i could bring myself to speak to either of them. The sense of being betrayed  was overwhelming to me, time did its work sufficiently. Enough for me to be around them. It does help greatly that she no longer has that shine that blinded me so much. No longer does she seem so beautiful, elusive and so cute it would blow you away, not to mention those big dark eyes would be criminal, were as before they shone brightly and sparkled, they are distinctly cold and dull to me now. All these things that captivated me before have been ripped away by events out of my control. All that is left is the pretence I put on around her for my friend’s  benefit , who am I to intrude on their journey, their time together should not be spoiled by the remnants of my shabby bitter feelings . Keeping  them under lock and key is not so difficult , It wouldn’t be fair, my chance came and went. So here’s to the friend and the devil  , match made in heaven, long may they last, if it ever falls apart for my friend. I will be there with the valium and bottle of whiskey to help him lose himself and we can both talk of the Devil.


© Copyright 2020 Hank. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments: