Our Love From Tomorrow

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Fantasy Realm


I looked around, the street crowded, cars were driving fast up and down the roads. The world was full of people, yet I felt as if I was alone. The lights from the cars were blurring together into a
mushed-up line. The night was slowly starting to get dark and people left to get home. Still there I was, standing on the bridge, looking down at the blurred lights fall into some thick lines like
it was an aesthetic Tumblr photo. I felt lonely as people walked by me, talking to each other as I stood there alone as if I was waiting for you. But I knew that was impossible because you don't
exist anymore. You never have.



I took a deep breath, inhaled the smoke from my cigarette as I looked up at the sky. Wondering why something like this could have happened. If God really existed, why would he have let this happen?
How would he have let this happen?



I breathed out, smoke filling the air around me, making a barrier between me and the night sky. I took out my lighter and looked at it. It had been yours, but it was mine now. A present from you,
who never existed. Something that wasn't supposed to exist, but did. I sighed and took another deep breath of the poison that felt amazing against my lips. Was this all a dream? Has it been a dream
all along? My dream of you? I breathed out the smoke as I tossed away the cap that had been resting on my head the whole time. It slowly stayed in the air as it was falling to the ground
underneath. Cars, buses, and trucks drove underneath with the speed of light.



I looked at my hand, at the cigarette that was between my fingers. I couldn't help but smile faintly at the thought of your face popped into my mind. The smile that would make my legs go weak as if
I actually liked you. With a flick of my fingers, the cigarette was tossed into the air and fell to the ground. I put my hands into my pockets as I started to walk away, down the path you and I had
walked just the day before. I felt the hard-shaped object roll against my fingers, reminding me of you. The curiosity inside of me wanted to know what it was, inside my pocket, even though I
already knew. As if a memory had disappeared I took out the object. It laid flat on my palm, almost weightless but so meaningful. A lighter. A light-blue lighter with two letters written on the
front, if it even had a front or back. Two letters, written with a black marker. K and a V. Kim V. My name. I gave away a little smile, it was ironic; this gift from you to me. A lighter, a
cigarette lighter. You hated the fact that I smoked, yet you gave me this lighter as a present.



I looked up to the sky again, wrapping my hand around the lighter. I kept wondering what tomorrow would look like if you would be there with me. Or if I would wake up like today, all alone…


I looked out over the street, cars driving by faster than they should. The small buzzing sound together with the breeze made it sound as if I was standing on the shore of a beach. The cars were the waves that traveled through the sea, up against the shore that was land. By each wave striking the land, the more I came to realize that I wasn't there. That I, in fact, wasn't by the shore, watching the water fight its own battle against the very land I was standing on. But that I was standing on the platform that graced itself over the road, accepting me to watch down on the vehicles that drove under. It was like the ocean, a big and loud ocean that would consume everything that came too close. As the cars were big waves, it would consume you underneath it and kill you. I smiled at the thought of death as if it was something that I had waited for too long, but never really came to me. I couldn't help but to watch the people around me, some stood by the edge like myself. They had a dark glow to themselves as they stood there looking down, some crying. One was a girl in my age, young and had long blonde hair. She was wearing a wedding gown and as her tears left her eyes she started to move her legs over the railing. This was not real. I knew that.

I sighed as I looked up to the sky, blue and sunny without clouds that would cover up the beautiful day. It made me feel less hollow, in this otherwise hopeless world. The sunlit up brightly just as I had thought the world was filled with darkness. Darkness, yes, it was the truth but only hidden for today. As if the day was showing us that it wasn't too late to fight back against the unknown. The things we feared, the things that are unknown to us. As other humans, fearing the unknown is inevitable, it was, and will always be there, at the tip of your finger. Barely out of reach, yet always with you, haunting you always and forever. Never to be forgotten.

I snapped out of my daydream as the phone hidden in my front pocket started to vibrate. I sighed as I slipped my fingers into the pocket, pulling out the technical device. I stared at the screen, a single letter lit up, and it made my whole world stop. Not literally, of course, that would have been impossible. The letter, a single letter, the letter J to be exact. I took a deep breath as I answered the call.

"J…" My voice was lower than usual. I moved my head towards where the girl had been standing, now gone, I knew that something was wrong. How could something never be right? When I started to gain back a little faith about this useless world, something always happens that makes me take back that joy and go back to being gloomy.

"Could you pick me up at school?" His voice was almost blocked, quiet and far away from the phone. I sighed as I realized what had happened. Fight. A fight. Again, he had fought. I really did not know what I was going to do about him, but he was like a brother to me, a baby brother. Younger and more foolish.

"I'll be there in ten." My voice was the same, irritated and slightly annoyed. Hopeless, the world really was hopeless. Not even a second without blood being spilled. It is almost like the earth is trying to get back at us. Cruel and filled with darkness, it is. The sun was just a disguise to make us believe that there is some kind of hope when in fact there's none. All you have to do is to live with the knowledge of the real evil, the real darkness; the very thing we call Mother Nature.

I looked once more to the ocean of vehicles underneath me. It would have been too easy to just end things here and now, to just toss over my slender legs. To stand on the other side of the small barrier, feeling the butterflies in my stomach as I would let go and just fall down. It would end everything, my suffering, and my worries. If I wouldn't die from the fall, the cars would kill me in an instant. No time for feelings or cowardliness. My life would have ended just like that if I had a saying in it.

I turned around and started to walk, my feet bringing me to the car that stood parked on the ground next to the bridge. I opened the door and sat down behind the steering wheel. I looked at the seat next to me, the pack of cigarettes, lying there, ready for me to take a smoke. I glanced back out the front window and then back at the pack, I sighed as I moved my gaze to the digital clock on the car radio. I started the car, ignoring the lust in my head, the craving of a small smoke to clear my senses. A little voice inside my head, crying out for that nicotine to be ingested into my body, demanding me to poison myself.

"Just a step closer to death." It would say with a happy voice.

"It's all you've ever wanted. To die."

"Give it to me, give yourself the satisfaction of the poison that will run through your veins."

"You know you want too, you know you wanted to jump."

I slammed my hands against the steering wheel. I knew I was going crazy. I stopped the car and looked at the pack of cigarettes. I looked at it as if it was the pack talking to me, begging me to kill them to be able to kill myself. I took the pack and tossed it from the window. I looked at it one last time before I drove off, away from the darkness that made my mind go from only a little mad to extreme madness. It was the endless irritation, like when your waiting in a telephone support line and your place in the line is 200th. That kind of irritation, that kind of ‘fuck life' feeling, that's what I always feel. As if my whole life was an endless telephone support line, never-ending, with an irritating voice telling you;

"All of the working advisors are all busy, please wait." And after what feels like an eternity you hear that voice again;

"All the working advisors are all busy, but you keep your place in the queue." No one has the time to wait that long, get more people to answer our questions or quit playing Russian roulette on who gets to answer us. It's no fucking doctor drama with a touch of comedy.

 

I pulled up at the school, seeing a figure leaning against the wall. He looked down but I could tell who it was right away. His white shirt was stained with dried blood. I sighed as I rolled down the window.

"J," I called out, the person looked up at me and smiled. He came up to the car, I could see how beaten up he was a black eye, swollen lip with blood in the corner. He opened the door and sat down next to me.

"J, what the fuck happened?" He just smiled back at me as if he actually was alright. I poked his side, making him flinch a little, I knew he would get a bruise there. ?

"Was it that Q again? That fucker." I sighed as I looked at him, he didn't utter a word as he just smiled. He put on his seatbelt and held his overly sized bag in his hands, letting it rest on his thighs as he laid his head on top of it.

"Just drive, okay" He took a deep breath as he pulled up his heavy head and wiggled his thick, slightly bruised nose. ?

We drove off away from the school that I never wanted to see in my life again. J rolled down the window after he lit a cigarette, started to smoke again. Two years younger he was, but he still didn't care that smoking ends one's life. I stretched out my arm, took the cigarette from his mouth, brought it to my mouth and took a deep breath. It felt good, so good that I had forgotten what I had done earlier, thrown away my pack of 12 dollar cigarettes. I blew out a big white cloud of smoke as I turned right on the road. Our destination was only a few miles away, a warehouse. It was like having to control, our control. Even though control is an illusion, but sometimes you need illusions to feel like you're in control. That's what keeps you from going insane, keeps that paranoia away from your mind.

__

I stopped the car on the small plat of grass sticking up from the sand on the ground. We stepped out and was greeted by two slender boys, twins to be exact. I never really see the difference between them. Even though one has blue eyes and the other has green. One of them is L, the other is Ten. I don't really care who's whom. I don't really talk much to anyone. We just sit in silence, most of the times. Other times they talk, I just listen. I don't really have anything to say.

"Hey, shouldn't you be in school?" One of them asked, L I think. The other just sighed as he walked up to J.

"Wow, dude. They really fucked you up." He said as he touched J's cheek that was now more swollen up and purple.

"What did you do this time, dude?" The one who stood next to J asked, Ten I think. J just laughed as he pushed his hands away from his fucked-up face. ?

"Nothing, really." He said as he made his way to the door.

11. That was the number on the door. 11. It was a nice number. I followed the three inside, the lights were out, but the Christmas-lights were on. All lighting up in different colors, like a disco-light it lit up the room in red, green, white, and blue.

I walked over to one of the sofas we had in the room, the room was big and somewhat cold, just like a warehouse could be. I opened my computer, words on a black screen. To some they mean nothing, to me they mean everything. I can't explain what it is, it's just there, staring back at me. Maybe it was something only I could see. Something that was only meant to me. Something that only showed itself to me. Or maybe it's just in my head.

"Did you hear about the new family in town? I mean now we're 82 people." I just listened, it was either L or Ten. The town we lived in was a small one. We were a total 79 people here, now apparently, we're 82. It wasn't as if I knew everyone, but it was a small town. It wasn't as if no one knew who I was, or how weird I was. An orphan, like me, they think I had something to do with my parents' death. I don't care what they think. Why would I? I'm the only one who knows what happened, it's not something they would know. Nothing of their concerns.

"Yeah… 3 persons, right?" J said as he opened the small fridge we had standing beside the sofa next to me. He took out a carton of milk and a sandwich. Always hungry that one. Always eating. But that's why I like J, he's honest in everything he does.

"I wonder how the girl is, I mean there's just her, her dad and the brother. I heard that she's the same age as us." Ten, or L said, I really couldn't care less. I just looked down on my computer again. I couldn't care less if there's a new family in town, just three more people who think I'm crazy. Heck, even I think I'm crazy. But I couldn't care less if I was.

"You were in school today, well at least up till now, did you see her?" They both asked J, at the same time with the same curiosity in their voices.

"I wasn't in class as you might know," J said as he pointed at his uneven face. The two looked at J and then nodded their heads. I swear, they aren't twins, they are clones.

"Yeah, you're right. I just want to know if she's pretty or not." They all started to laugh at one of the clones' remark.

"And what would Zia think if she knew you were talking about another girl?" His clone brother asked as he pushed him off the sofa, making him land on the cold floor. I looked down on him, one of the clones, and smiled. Zia was a singer both of them liked. She was old enough to have been their hot babysitter when they were younger, besides the fact that she was a singer who wouldn't even know they even existed on this planet.

"You wish I was going out with her!" The other clone snapped as he stood up, he was comfortingly scratching the side of his hip, which he had landed on.

"I wish that you would fantasy about someone who knows you exist," I said as I closed the laptop lid and leaned back on the sofa.

"Be more human, V!" He shouted as he dramatically started to fake-run and fake-cry. We all burst out into a laugh, it was as if he had become an anime character, and just for a while, everything seemed to be normal. Me, living a normal life without any worries, hanging out with friends who are the same, happy and careless of the world that is out there. A happy and innocent group, while in fact, we were just the opposite to that.

__

The fact that no one had moved an inch during the whole day, made it obvious that we weren't really people who loved moving, at all. We stayed in our place on the sofa, like some grumpy old cats that are too fat to move. That was the definition of our lives at the moment. Grumpy cats. Too fat to do anything. Not really that one, but just too lazy to do anything other than sitting together on the sofa, staring into thin air. Which was the only thing we did, it wasn't something I wasn't used too, you know. I used to do it all the time. It gave my head the time it needed to think about other things. Like death, and life. If it was worth living, or if I should just give up here and now. What is the meaning of life? Is it to find love and raise kids? Is it to do whatever you want? If you ask me that question, I would say breathing, because you die without breathing, so the meaning of life is breathing. But if you didn't think of the most obvious, what is it then? Reproduce? Is that really the meaning of life? The number 32? I don't think anyone has ever figured out an answer to that question. And I wasn't someone who really was able to think of an answer. I really didn't care too much to figure out something like that. It was too demanding of my brainpower. The thing I really can say that I don't have. Like, at all.

"You know how we don't see air but water, what if fish don't see water but they see air…" I moved my head to the right to look at the insane person next to me.

"Are you high or what?" I asked as I looked at J. His face was relaxed as he stared into space like most of us. How would such weird thought get into a head like his?

"No, I'm serious. What if it's true? What if fish sees air! I mean like we see water. That would be so cool, like super cool." His voice echoed in the room. It was sharp and loud.

"Dude, what was it in your milk? Fungus?" L or Ten… one of the clones said as the other laughed.

"Dude, I'm a deep thinker!" J snapped as he put down his milk on the small table.

"More like on drugs thinker." One of the clone-twins said as he smacked the back of J's head.

I looked out through the relativity large window that glanced itself over one of the stone walls on my right. The glass was somewhat clouded by dust that had graced itself there for almost an eternity, but you could still see through it, just not as clearly as someone would think. My vision went further away, looking through the clouded window as I let my mind travel to a place where no one else could be in. The grass straws were slightly bending in the wind as some sand particles hit the straws as they floated in the air. The whole day, the sky had been clear but now there were some clouds floating up there, covering the sun and casting shadows.

I changed my vision from the grass straws to a little bit further, under the shadow. I stared blankly at the figure that stood underneath. Its hair, blowing in the wind and covering its face. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, or even if it was a human. I figured it wasn't, since the figure was like a shadow, while the rest of the outside had colors. As if I had made eye contact with it, I could see how it floated closer and closer to the window, a small visible smile covering its face. I sighed, just another thing that proved that my head wasn't like all the other humans'.

I met its eyes and they glowed up as if it had been waiting for me to look into the yellowish eyes filled with darkness. My vision went down to its mouth that had started to move as if it told me something. Something that would only be important for me just meant for me. I tried to understand, but it was as if it talked in another language as if it just spoke out gibberish. I moved my gaze forward, continuing to stare into thin air together with the others. But as if my brain didn't get the clue to stop the daydream, it had moved the creature from outside to in here. I knew they couldn't see it, not as I did. But it was there, I knew it.

The creature's head moved in a rapid motion, its neck cracked by each drastic movement as if it was rolling on its very slender neck. The dark damp hair hung down, as if someone had put a sheet over the creature's head, some of it separated from the rest and an eye could be seen here and there. I moved my gaze over to the side, looking at J and then to the other side, seeing the twins on their phones playing some games or something. No one could see it, no one could hear its bones cracking. I looked back at the creature and it stood there, behind the small table, looking at me with its yellow eyes. As if it actually were here with us, as if it actually was something that really excited outside my own mind, I felt as if its eyes drew me further away into the deeper parts of my own mind. Taking over the little control that I thought I had. It came closer and closer to me, a smile on its face as it walked through the table, only to stop as it stood right in front of me. The mouth opened once again, teeth rotten and gaps where teeth had been sitting, now gone, was an opening for the droll and mucus to slide down its plump lips, down the grayish skin of its chin and neck.

"It's been some time, my dear." Blood gurgled in her throat, but I could still recognize that horrible British accent in her voice. Mother… I knew that I couldn't speak out as to answer her, not if I didn't want to seem crazier than what I already was.

"Oh, my darling, do you ever just wonder how long it will be until you're lying lifeless on the ground, soon to be in my arms again?" She sounded like she was alive as her features turned more human and less dead and rotten. I sighed and turned my gaze from her. I don't want to talk to you, mother. If that's what you want to be called.

"Ha-ha! Aren't you a funny boy?" She laughed sarcastically as she pressed her face in front of mine once again. Her hair pulled up into a bun as all the blood and rotten things had disappeared and were replaced with her old features of before her death.

"Acting as if you don't know me?" She had her sweet innocent voice as she spoke to my face, and as her gaze wandered from my eyes to something behind me, as if she had gotten scared, she vanished into thin air. I still didn't know why my mind was playing these tricks, or why their appearances change sometimes. For all I know it was that darkness inside of me, just showing me strange things that aren't even there. I mean, if I don't know what's going on, then who would?

__

I traced the inked marks on my arm as the water splashed down on my body. I was calm as I let my mind wander away, again, into darkness. As if it was the only thing I could do, yet couldn't. The part of my brain that I would tell myself not to open, not to open ever again, yet I always find myself opening it, hoping that this time it would be different, that this time I wouldn't be able to live the nightmares, but instead finding myself in a happy dream. But that never happened, probably never will. Soon I won't be able to know who's real and who's not.

"Have you seen my mother?" It was a young girl's voice. Trying to ignore them makes life easier sometimes, but it is hard. The girl appeared in front of me, holding a bloody teddy bear.

"Have you seen my mother?" She asked again, and yet again I tried to ignore. She had her doll-like features as she looked up at my body. This would have been awkward if it was real. I ignored yet again as I moved around, the things my mind makes me see is always strange. This one though, it's a first. They usually don't repeat things to me, they usually won't be disturbing me while I shower, standing fully naked to them. But then again, I couldn't control my mind so why would it listen to me? After some time, she walked through the glass-door leaving me alone with my wicked mind. I sighed as I stepped out from the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist.

My feet brought me out from the bathroom and towards the girl who was standing in my living room, holding her teddy bear up against her chest. She turned around, blood filled her eyes and she fell to the floor, only to disappear into thin air once again. Her voice was still lingering inside my very own mind; "Have you seen my mother?" I couldn't help a headache that crept into my mind, blocking the door for the time being. For good or for bad, I did not know.

The loud knocking on the door brought me back to what I believed was the reality, but what did I know, it could all have been in my head too. I quickly pulled on some sweatpants and a white tee-shirt before I walked to the door, drying my hair as I did so. The knocking was constant and loud as if someone was in a hurry to get in. I opened the door and my gaze led to her. She was looking to the side as if she hadn't noticed that I had opened the door. I studied her, from her smiling pouty lips to her half see-through shirt that showed her black lace bra to the dark side of my brain. She moved her head back towards me, and as if she had recognized me, her smile vanished. Her eyes wandered from my head to my feet, and then back to my face. Did she recognize me?

Did she know me?

Did I know her?

Who was she?

Am I still having hallucinations or was she real?

She took a small step back and rested her hand on her chest, her pouty lips were partly open as she just looked at me. Her eyes were big and horrified as if she had known me to be dead. As if she had known me at all. Why did it seem like she knew me?

One thing came out from her parted lips, her voice sounded somewhat familiar to my wicked head, but yet it was so far away that reaching it was impossible as if it really wasn't there at all.

"V?"


Submitted: January 09, 2018

© Copyright 2022 Hanna S. Andersen. All rights reserved.

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