"Where is my Mind?"

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
I came out with my feet in the air and my head on the ground.

> wrote this while listening to my favorite song..."Where is my Mind" by the Pixies

Submitted: October 06, 2009

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Submitted: October 06, 2009

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 I left the funeral in a brisk walk without saying goodbye to anyone. Perhaps they all just understood. It wasn't like I cared. I drove in silence. Sped down the streets. I didn't stop until I was looking out of the left window to the ocean before me. I stepped out onto the sand in my bare-feet. The hot grains of shells swarmed over my feet as I walked closer to the water. My black dress pants were dragging along the ground. I stopped, the sun shining down at me. Watching me. The waves ate at the land greedily.

  I squinted my eyes at the clear waters laid out before me. Trying their best to reach to me, like a mothers hand stretched out to her childs. He loved swimming in the water...Surfing in it. Just standing in it. He would tell me it was more than just a bunch of water to him. It was where he spent every day of his life. Despite the people that talked about him still living at home and spending all of his time down at the beaches.

A laugh escaped my lips as I recalled on his first time surfing. I wasn't even sure you could call it a laugh. More like a half of a laugh and half of a sob. This water that he loved. This water that had killed him. I  took a step towards this water, a shiver slipping down my spine like a sly snake through the woods.

Numbly, my fingers fumbled on my clothes attempting to take them off. I couldn't. So I stepped towards the ocean clothed. Soon, the water was lapping at my feet. I stopped there. I didn't know what I was doing here. But  I had nothing to lose. So I swallowed hard, my lungs burning, and I went forward. The water splashed against my pants, soaking them instantly. A tear fell down my cold cheek. I proceeded into this life my brother had known so well. This life my bestfriend loved so dearly.

I was in to my shoulders when I saw the large wave coming towards me. I tilted my head. He always told me to go under on these. A smile stretched across my lips and I stayed in my place as It rolled towards me like a herd of wild buffalo. The last thing I saw was white foam coming above me. Crashing above me. And in that instand, I let go of what was not there any longer.

I came out with my head on the ground, and my feet in the air. Literally, and mentally. As I laid back on the cold sand, the water still washing up around , and laughed.  I laughed until I couldn't breathe. And then I cried until I could no longer spare any of my own tears. I stayed right there and peered up at the sky for the longest time. Until my whole body was cold and numb. And then...I  got up and walked away. Without looking back.


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