Chapter one. -"Elizya problems."-
The first day i met you, I knew you was the 'It thing for me.' Deep down inside of me though, The voice that always seems to bother me,
Flicks on and yells at me to not do it. I've lived to ignore the voices so far. You probably think i'm crazy don't you? Yeah, You're right. That may be so. I remember dreaming to talk to you. I never had enough courage to do this, Therefore i stalked you in school. Ha, Would i ever tell you that? Of course not. You'ed probably think i was insane. Who am i kidding? You probably will after the first sentence that would come out my mouth.
Elizya.. Elizya eller? I lift my head up, Noticing i was only drifting off again.. Elizya, I was taped on the shoulder. Hmm, Yeah? I come out of my trance like stage. I saw all eyes on me. The teacher wants you elizya, The kid next to me says. Miss Eller, You are wanted in the consulars office. Are you doing okay? Yea, I shurgged. Then walked out the door. My teacher's have been recommeneding me to get some therapy ever sense my mother died last year. I'm guessing they think i'm "depressed" Because of her death. Why would i care about her dying? She abused me many of times. I felt she hit me more than she hit her crack pipe, Now don't even get me started on her husband. That man was a poor excuse of a father to me. He would make me drink any kind of alcohol till i'd be out unconsious of my surroundings. Then god knows what he did to me after words. I can remember clear as day waking up when i was 15 butt ass naked. I'm over all this now, Even though, not a soul knows any of this.
Good afternoon miss eller, I will be you're new consular. You may call me, Ms goordy. How are you today? I sighed, Then asked 'What happend to Mrs. Ema Jordan?" Sweetie, She has to move on to another student. Oh.. Can i go back to class? Now miss eller, We have to talk. No, We don't exactly have to.. I drug out my sentence before i popped out my seat. Well, This was fun. Have a great day ma'am. A hush silence flew over her and covered over her like a blanket. She knows the exact reason why i don't want to talk to her, Quite frankly because every time i get comfortable to one consular, Enough to talk. I get a new one. It kind of got old. I walk back to class, slowly pacing my steps. I felt like loosing it. I open the door to my 6th period, and walked in. All eyes stared upon me, I felt llike floating trash in school. I try so hard to fit in with the rest, But i get withdrawn by my anxitey to speak to others.
The bell rung to go to seventh period, Which in this class, I'm not normally the same as in, any others. Mostly cause of this guy named jace, The one i keep thinking about, My brain never lets me sleep because of him. It's like if my brain had a mind of it own. which i feel it does, It would choose to think of jace than to sleep. Jace is perfect to me, Even though i don't know him all that well, I do know that he goes to the consular a lot to. Well, I get inside my class. I take my seat, I'm the first one as usual. Alone for a few seconds, For my mind to flow. I'm thinking about him again, How he'll never notice. My mind gets interruped by the late bell. Everyone standing up talking to one another. The teacher then walks in everything gets quite. I notice an unfamilar face walk in after her. Anxious to see who it was. I looked closer to the face to reliaze it was someone i knew.
DAKOTA?! 'Shit. I said that out loud.' Dakotas face lights up when she notices who called her was someone she knew. LIZA! She skips her way through people's desks. Making her way to my desk, Only to take a seat next to it. She begins to hug me. 'Awh, Liza, Liza.' She squezzes me tightly. I'm so happy to see you! I knew the truth though, She was only happy to have someone to talk to.
Chapter 2 -Dakota-
Dakota was a child hood friend. We lost contact the year my mother died. Dakota was the kinda person isn't shy, or afraid to say what was on her mind. I use to be so envious of her. I soon noticed she had no good intentions though. She would always call about her boyfriend problems. It got annoying. Dakota knows everything about me. Even though she can be dense and dramatic she knew whenever something was wrong with me.
She stopped hugging me after forty five seconds. I was aggravated before the first three. I didn't even hug back, so she looked like a creep hugging nothing in sight. God, Everyone is staring. I absolutely hate people staring. It makes me nervous. Liza Mae, I missed you. How are things at home baby girl? I shook my head, Then shrugged. The same? she said. Awh, Liza. I'm sorry. She hugs me once more. The expression on my face was probably the most emotion i've put into anything for a while now. The teachers phone began to ring. For once in my life i hoped it was for me to go to see the consular. Miss eller? I shake dakota off of me then hopped up out of my seat. Yes? You're wanted in the consulars office Ok. I opened the door, then walked out. I head to Ms goordys office. I walk in. As soon as i do so. Hello again, Miss Eller. I give a small grin by the way she had said it. I sank down into my seat.
Well... What did you think would happen? I would just let you go without speaking with you. She began to just go on. Y'know I have done a lot of work and trainning for students to think i was just born yesterday. My god, she kept talking. Excuse me. I sat and waited for her to stop and say something, but she didn't. so, I got louder. EXCUSE ME!? Finally she shut up. 'I'm sorry.' Yeah, I said afterwords confused on what eles i should say. I changed the silence fast. I obviously don't think you was born yesterday. Miss eller, It was figure of speech. Yeah, No. I don't care. If i honestly thought you was born yesterday, I'd be stupid. So, I assure to you i don't. I look at her glaring
I'm sorry, I'm going through a lot. I look up and before i can speak she says, 'you can just be excused? sorry, I'm just having a not so good day. ' No.. It's okay. Miss Eller, Please. No, and stop calling me 'Miss Eller.' You can call me by my name. If you wish so, Said Ms goordy. On one standard. You have to call me by mines as well, Abbey. I laughed, Abbey? Yes, Ma'am. Is there a problem with my name? No, It's just i had a dog names abbey. She ran away though. We both looked at each other with blank looks, Then started uncontrolably laughing.
Chapter 3. -New end, Same beginning-
A few months passed, I went to abbeys office twice a week. I have learned so much about her, More then she has learned about me. That's mostly cause i keep things to myself. Only because of reasons in the past, I formed a type of trust issue. Well, Jace hasn't been at school for a little over a month. I've wondered so much about him. As for dakota, She NEVER GOES AWAY. Oh, Something eles. Mine and abbeys age diffrence isn't that far off. she is 24. While i'm 17 a senior in highschool. Abbey has been off the wall crazy lately. So, She says her and the husband have been going through a divorce now for going on 2 years. As for me, I have been doing better in school with talking to more people. I've yet opened up though. A lot of the time, I wish jace would come back so i could talk to him now. I still very much wonder what happened? The next time i go to abbeys office, I'll be sure to ask. I'm sure she'll know. At least, I can say i hope she does. For things at home. They still suck majorly. My father all most never comes home, and when he does his so drunk. He hits me still. There isn't really a end to the hitting. They come and they go. I recently started self harming again. The cuts, and scars that remain will never go away. You're probably thinking 'This is why you have a consular.' Yes, The thing is no matter what i seem to do. The minute i try and open my mouth, I get stuck with what to say. The longer i wait though the harder it only seems to be getting for me.
A day later.
Crap! I over slept. I quickly get out of bed. If my dad sees that im still home, He'd probably kill me. I start to panic, and the more i panic the less time i have to get ready for school. I hurry to my closet and throw pants on, and a shirt. I brush my hair, then put it back into a bun. I get gum and just use that for breakfeast. I ran outside, and not even 20 seconds after i step one foot out the house my bus gets there. A sigh relif filled me. I get on to my bus. I take a sit in the same spot i normally do. As i sit there, I felt an odd breeze. OH MY GOD! I'm not wearing a jacket!! I have to go the whole day without my jacket. My cuts will be revealed. Someone is going to see them. The bus stops in front of the school. I panic even more. I go straight to dakotas locker. Hopefully she has a jacket i can use. I'm so stupid. I mentally hit myself.
I get to dakotas locker, I wait there till the warning bell. She better be here! When the late bell went off, I just left to go head and go to abbeys office. I usually go after first period, But i suppose not today. I walk in without knocking, She wasn't in there. Damn it! I so hate light right now. I walk out of her office, Then back in. I took a seat, and decided to just wait. I sat alone, I didn't relize how fast the time was flying by cause the bell to go to second period rang. I just stayed in abbeys office, and eventually i fell asleep.
Chapter 4. -Missing in action-
I woke up,wondering what time it was, cause it was dead silent in the hall ways. I surely didn't sleep the whole day.I check my phone for the time, It was 2:50. I really did sleep through out the school day. I get up to go to the bathroom, Abbey missed our session today. I come from back out of the bathroom, and back to abbeys office. I paced around, I wonder were she is? I look onto her desk to see if i'd find anything. There wasn't anything, nothing for me at least. Only a folded up note. I didn't bother to read, It was none of my concer, Even if i really wanted to. I looked closer, and saw open written acrossed of it. It looked like abbeys hand writing, I picked it up and turned it over to the front. There on the front it had To: Elizya Eller. I kinda paniced a little, I talked myself it to opening after a few minutes. With that being said, It read...
From the day i met you, There was a spark of diffrence about you. I could never quite explain it though, all until i started to talk to you more. Thats when it became harder and harder to lie to you. It's time i tell you something i should have from the start. First off, I'm not going through a divorce with my "Husband"I actually suffer from depression pretty bad. You are probably thinking 'You're to old for this abbey, Cut it out.' Well, I guess you can say i have major problems. Now let me explain more clearly. Let me tell you the truth and nothing but it. I know i don't know many things about you as i planned to. You in the long run ended up learning more about me. Well, You don't exactly know the truth. I told you the story i've told everyone. The 'Fake one.' I really just can not see you not being able to understand. You've understood everything eles that seemed so hard to get. You have took in every part of me and that was the kindest thing anyone could do for me, and you did it. Let me just stop and tell you now. I knew you would come in my office today. You would panic after you notice i won't be at school today. You'll being to suffle through my stuff on my desk, You will stumble upon this note here. You'ed be weary about reading it, But once you see the open spot. You pick it up, still worried about reading it. Doing so, You flip it over to find it has you're name on it. Now you'll begin to read it. Now that you are reading it, Let me start off my saying my real name. It's Zoey marie joryden. The name i have now is what it has been changed to. Now read closely, By the time you are done with this note, It'll be all over. I have felt like you have been close to my heart in this world then just about anyone. Four years ago, I was in a serious relationship to a girl named rosi. We was engaged actually.A bad scene with the police had happen, She was caught with drugs. Knowing her, she ran back to my house with the cops following her. At the time i had no idea rosi was into drugs like this. She kept them well hid. Well, seems how it was my house they had blamed us both for the possesion of drugs. They drug tested me, and what do you know? I had marijauna in my system from a party a day before. On the other hand, rosi had stuff way worse in her system. They put me in jail till court date, I ended up getting out with a year of probabtion. Rosi later that month went missing. When she was found, she was found broken in to someone eles's home in a pool of her own blood. I was so divestated.Everything crumbled down from there. Her and i was together for from ages 16 till that day. It was hard enough as it is. A few months went by, Still hard, But better. Then i got a call from my bestfriends mother. She died. We lost contact after what had happend to rosi and i. We lost her to brest cnacer. Her name was grace. We were friends for over tweleve years. We did everything together. I remember crying every night, My life had stopped. My heart failed to beat. I stopped eating, I stopped talking. All that within one whole year. Growing up though? It wasn't that easy neither. When my dad died, My mother became abusive. I was constantly in and out of group homes. I suffered a lot. Today, It will make four years that my bestfriend is dead, and my lover is gone too. I am not any better. Niether am i sane, I hate myself more and more. I love you though, More then anything. I've never met anyone like you. You're beautiful elizya. One more thing, You remember jace? I've heard you speak of him from time to time. He's in the hospital. He was one of my students i've been talking to for a while now. He would actually talk about you a lot, Thats how i found out about you, He got into a car accident a month back. He's been in a coma this whole time, and on life support. If you like to go see him, He's in cobb county hospital. Room 208. Jace parker. I'm sure he'd be happy to know you'ed visit him. I'm so sorry i've kept things from you, All the pain thats botteled inside will be gone today. I just had to let you know before i left you the exact truth. I want you to know that no matter what, Keep going. You're not alone. I'm still here with you, You may not be able to touch or see me, But i am here. <3 I love you so much elizya. Don't let anything happen to who you are, You are truley wonderful and bright beautiful girl. I'm so sorry..
Chapter 5. -Reality-
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