A Love That Stung

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is about a girl who's fist love turned out be her last love, find out why.

Submitted: July 13, 2011

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Submitted: July 13, 2011

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A LOVE THAT STINGS

I decided to reduce the swearing beacsue I feel that it takes away from the story.

Never, I had never fallen in love before and the first time wasn’t what I had expected it to be. Mainly because I hadn’t expected to fall for him at all. He was confident and good looking, I was younger and willing to overlook the fact that his intelligence had been drowned by negligence- biggest mistake I ever made because now the scars of our love sting every day.

We met through a not-so good friend of mine, at the time, which is when I should’ve known that things between him and I wouldn’t work out but I didn’t. I know this sounds pathetic but I really wanted a boyfriend but even if I hadn’t we would’ve been together anyways because I fell for him the moment our eyes locked or rather the moment my eyes locked with the front of his hood, he was into hip hop. This friend was his neighbour so when we first met it was on opposite sides of her fence. If I am interested in someone I ask them a lot of questions and I would understand that they don’t feel the same way if they don’t seem eager to answer or reply without expression and then I’d end the conversation or wait for a friend to rescue me but for some reason when he didn’t answer my questions or ask nearly the sufficient amount to base a relationship on, I only liked him more. So at the end of that visit when my father came to pick me up, I had already decided where w e would meet, that we’d take turns calling each other every night, what my pet name for him would be and of course that our first kiss would be phenomenal. I was already knee deep and he hadn’t even asked me out yet, I was obsessed with the idea of a perfect relationship.

You’d think that because I was clearly interested in him I would’ve said yes even before he finished his question but I didn’t, that second when he asked me, I saw all the negative things that I knew about him and I’d only known him for two weeks. Strangely after that we texted every night and I sat with my phone in hand from seven p.m , peak time so it’s cheaper to text, I thought about him all the time, I doodled his name at the back of my exam pad for everyone to see and I yearned to see him. How pathetic could I have been? Anyhow eventually he asked me again and this time I said yes.

Our relationship in the beginning was strictly cellular, he always called but when we made plans to meet, most of the time, ‘something’ would come up. I often wished that we attended the same school. He was really shallow and took advantage of the age difference. After a month or so I realised that I didn’t know him really well or well at all but I still wouldn’t break things off because I had some sort of faith in our relationship. I thought that maybe when I went on winter break him and I could meet more often but because our schools had different year plans that didn’t happen.

One day in that winter break my best friend was over and we were getting ready to go out and she said to me “You only think of him and the thing is you know you’re not the only girl on his mind.” I was about to say that that’s not true when I realised that it was sadly true what made it worse is that people in my school who didn’t even know me would tell me that they saw him with x, y and z or that when they talk to him he never mentions that he’s been in a relationship for a while now. What hurt more than that was that he didn’t care about ‘us’, on countless occasions I’d told him that I feel like am the only one trying to make our relationship work so he better start acting like he gives a shit and on all those occasions he texted these exact words “ What are talking about? Aren’t I god enough for you? Why can’t you just be happy, I really don’t need you to be on my case right now.” And me being so obsessed with pleasing him I would say “Yeah Iam sorry,Iam just in a bad mood. Let’s forget that even happened.” My best friend noted my silence and said nothing while I thought about the amount of better guys that I knew but wouldn’t give a chance to. I decided that I was already in too deep, I’d wait for our already dim flame to go out because I couldn’t be the one todouse it.

That was the first six months, we dated for two years and the second and third six months were really good. Everything fell into place, I remember the first time that he told me he loved me. I was going away for two weeks so I was meeting him to say goodbye, we had a nice meal and laughed a lot then when we had to get into separate taxi’s he kissed with so much passion I thought I would bruise and when I hugged him he mumbled into my hair ‘I love you’. I think I replayed that moment the entire two weeks. There were many more moments like that and in one of them we almost went further.

During the last period of it really killed me that the physical part our relationship wasn’t on point, am not saying I wanted sex but the touches weren’t the same, the hugs had no warmth and there was nothing in his kiss. Although I guess it was good that it was that way because then we would have had a strictly physical relationship since we had no emotional connection . The reason why it bothered me so much is that in the late stages of our relationship he would call me at strange hours, slurring his speech and being loud, confessing about what he’d done rather who he’d done while he was out. One early morning I was completely exhausted because I threw myself into a project so you can imagine how cranky I was, I can be one hell of a bitch when I am sleep deprived. I knew who it was before I even looked at the caller id.

“What now babe?” I grunted.

“I'm sorry. ” He slurred, giggling and the sounds of throwing up coming from the background along with . Why does he keep doing this to me? Why do I put up with it? That is what I thought to myself but I also wondered why he had to tell me after he’d been unfaithful maybe the first time I appreciated the honesty but now I just didn’t want to know.

“Are you really? What did you do now?” I groaned whilst putting my bedside lamp on and propping myself up onto my elbows.

“I think I got some girl pregnant” He murmured. So this was why he wasn’t being his normal cocky self, this shocked me awake. I felt so let down, so unappreciated , so stupid because I never wanted to be ‘that girl’ who was broken by her boyfriends mistakes yet I let myself become her- I felt heartbroken. How could I have loved him so much that I put up with his infidelity?

“You can’t be sure if it happened a few hours ago.” I told him, Ishook with shock but was I really shocked? No, I just didn’t want to believe him.

“errrrr..” He said drowsily.

“Go get a pregnancy test or the Pill from the pharmacy or both, whatever just do something!” I all but screamed through the phone. I rubbed my temples and started to feel sick. This is really happening, I shouldn’t even be talking to him ‘cause he got himself into this mess without me, am so hopeless, I thought to myself. I looked up at my clock to calculate how far away opening hours were, it was 4:30 a.m.

“I...I” He muttered and it sounded like he took another swig from his bottle.

“You’re still drinking! They won’t let you inside the pharmacy if you can barely speak, this is a waste of my time,” ‘our relationship is a waste of time’. “Are you not in any way aware of what you might’ve done, are you even listening to me?” I shouted, my voice thick with emotion, whilst tears rolled down my cheeks.

“No you have it all wrong.” He whispered but I heard him more clearly than I had during the entire conversation. There was just something about the way he said that that made me think that I really did have it all wrong and it was worse than I had thought.

“Enlighten me then.” I retorted.

“I got trashed because I know she’s pregnant and she doesn’t wasn’t to get rid of it! It’s not something that I think happened or that happened a few hours ago. To answer your question yes I am aware of what I’ve done because I am downtown trying to drink it away.” He cried out loud and I heard the sound of shattered glass. A chill that passed through me froze my thoughts and we were both silent for a while.

“When?” I stuttered.

“When what?” He said.

“When did she fall pregnant?” I said slowly, dragging each word out as it hurt me physically to say them out loud.

“Does it matter?” He asked and jangled his car keys probably trying to get into his car.

“Of course it matters, would I have asked you if it didn’t?” I whispered.

“Two months ago at that Black and White party. Or at least that’s what she says, I don’t remember if we used protection that time or not.” He stated. I sucked my breath and started to stand up to walk outside, the morning air was definitely what I needed.

“How could you do this to me?” I asked the most cliché question one could ask in this situation.

“How could you cheat on me continuously and still say ‘I love you’ at the end of the day? How could you claim to be sorry yet you do it again? Why can’t you just be happy to have me, is it necessary to cheat on me-to sleep around? Can't you just be only with me?” I yelled and I felt the strongest urge to throw my phone into the pool.

He banged something maybe the steering wheel. “I do it because I know that after am done I’ll still have you and you’ll still love me. Even after what I’ve just told you, you still love me and you're still mine.” Ah there’s the arrogant son of bitch I knew and loved.

“Do you love me?” I asked as I sat down and ignored the cold from the garden chair.

“I can’t quit you, of course I love you.” He said

“Why are we together?” I asked him.

“Because we love each other, what kind of question is that?” He barked.

“I love you but not the things you do, it’s not enough to keep us together, you know it too.” I whispered feeling like I’d just lost a part of me and I had.

“I know.” He spoke

“So then I guess this is goodbye, take care of yourself.” I replied and began to walk back to my room where I planned on staying for a while.

“Yeah, I guess it is and I’ll try.” Those were the last words he said to me.

I ended the call and fell onto my bed, I turned on the radio and The Parlotones’ ‘Giant Mistake’ was playing so I turned the volume up.

Every time my eyes met with his chocolate brown ones I would forget that he wasn’t mine anymore then a sting in my gut would remind me that we weren’t dating anymore and I’d walk away without so much as a wave.

Now I find hard to trust any guy that I meet, I can’t let myself love again and it hurts me to know that my first love has been my only love.


© Copyright 2018 HeartBreaker1996. All rights reserved.

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