Birthday Boy

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
The Mayan calendar states that the world will end on 21 December 2012. This is an account of one person's musing on the date.

Submitted: December 14, 2012

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Submitted: December 14, 2012




I will be 59 on 21 December 2012. It doesn’t seem a particularly auspicious birthday – one with 5 or 0 at the end meets with more celebration. Still, I can’t complain. I’m

quite looking forward to it. My plan is to have an early morning cup of tea in bed, then a long, leisurely shower and breakfast before packing my bag and travelling to some friends’

holiday home for the weekend. We always try to meet up around this time of year as two of us have December birthdays and it means when people ask you how you intend to

celebrate, you’ve always got an answer. I’ve offered to bring the food for the Friday evening as they will do a curry on the Saturday and then we’ll go out for lunch on the

Sunday. I’m thinking Moroccan – spicy but not too spicy – and will transport well in a casserole dish. I’ll cook tonight so that everything will be ready to go in the cool box



Now, I have my ingredients laid out ready. I’ll just switch the radio on while I’m cooking, It’s some new programme …….What’s that? The end of the world tomorrow according to

some Mayan prophecy? A Chinese man has blown £100,000 of his life savings on building an ark to 'escape the impending Mayan apocalypse', In France, the authorities banned

access to the Pic de Bugarach mountain, rumoured by legend to will burst open on that day revealing an alien spaceship which will carry humans to safety.

What was that? A baktun? What in the name is a baktun? Oh, a 394-year period of the Mayan calendar. Why 394, I wonder. People are massing around pagan symbols:

Stonehenge, Callanais, volcanoes that have been extinct for centuries. Well, I wouldn’t do the volcano bit – it might decide to erupt and that would be the end of the world for

these voyeurs. Nor would I be too close to the standing stones. It might be the one stone the Health and Safety Inspector forgot to check on his last visit and with all this rain,

perhaps it would be unstable.

You can buy a survival kit? How useful either way: tinned fish, candles, matches, medical supplies and a bottle of vodka. I’d prefer gin myself but survivors can’t be

choosers, obviously.

If it’s now 7.00pm on 20th December, what time will the end be? Midnight tonight? Midnight tomorrow? Sometime in between? Is it Greenwich Mean time? Or Eastern Standard time

or what? Should I just stop cooking now if no-one will be around to eat it? I expect it’s all nonsense anyway.


I’m lying in bed now on the basis that today was the tomorrow I worried about yesterday and nothing unforeseen happened – well, I burnt that tea towel taking the

casserole out of the oven, but that’s hardly unusual. It’s 11.30pm and I’ve started to wonder what I should have done in the last four hours or so. Should I have called all friends

and family, just in case? Perhaps I should have visited old Mrs Mayhew across the road to see if she was worrying about this news item and was all alone? Should I go reassure

her, or to say farewell, in case?

Maybe I should have brought out that good wine I’ve been saving for a special occasion, and had a glass, or the whole bottle? If it’s going to evaporate in

the explosion or whatever when it comes, it’ll go to waste. Will the world end with a bang or a whimper?

This is stupid. I must get some sleep or I’ll be washed out tomorrow for the drive. Maybe if I read for a little…

11.59! I’ll put the light out…. Not feeling so good… Must be tired… Oh! Pain! Such

Pain! Oh, oh, oooooh……


12.01 On the other side of town, a new born utters his first cry.

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