A part from early on in Royal Astronomy. Basically for the benefit of Shmeepea. Alice talking about Marc.

I’m not sure what I think about him.  I mean, yeah, I like him, I suppose but, I don’t know.  Okay, number one:  his self-depreciating wit starts to grate after a little while.  It’s like ‘Love me, love me, I’m pathetic.’  Yeah, that’s another thing – he’s pathetic.  No, no.  That’s too harsh.  A bit to harsh, he’s not pathetic but he’s got no self-confidence.  I’m not saying I want to be swept up in the arms of some big strong powerful man, but all the same.  He looks me in the eye for too long.  It makes me a bit uncomfortable, like he read it in a book somewhere that it was a cool thing to do, that it makes you seem deep and interesting.  He keeps on acting as though he’s going to say something and doesn’t as well.  That makes him seem… I don’t know, something of a twat I guess.  I like him though, I do.  He can be clever, witty, intuitive. He makes me laugh out loud and not many people can do that, but that’s another thin: when he says something I find funny and I laugh I can hear his mind thinking of the next punch line.  It puts me off. It’s like he’s his own worst enemy, he gives with one hand and takes away with the other.  He is attractive too.  Well, he’s not exactly a gargoyle, but he acts as though he doesn’t see it in himself.  But I think he does.  In fact I think he thinks that he’s more attractive than he actually is.  I think he was surprised when I said I didn’t want to go out with him this week, despite the way he phrased it, all pathetic.  The message on my mobile was like, ‘Hi, it’s me, I was kinda wondering if you’d like to meet up for a drink in the Milk Bar again on Thursday.  Nineish.  Whatever. I mean it’s cool if you don’t wanna.  Call me okay?’  And then he left his number like he didn’t already give it to me about twenty-three times.  Don’t know why but it irked me.  So I sent him a text, ‘sorry. no. seeing sum1 else this week. sumtime soon tho?’  not that I was lying or anything, I am seeing someone, an old friend from uni.  But he sent me this really hurt message back.  It seemed almost as though he was shocked someone else might find me attractive too.  Not that this is a date but he doesn’t know that.  He keeps on calling me by my name.  That irritates me.  Maybe I’m just looking for faults because I do like him a lot.  And, yes, I fancy him too.  Maybe I’m doing the same thing to him, with my uni friend.  That’s not the sort of thing I usually do.  Maybe I’m trying to make myself seem more desirable, I mean, I did wear my favourite underwear on our date [or whatever it was] when I had absolutely no intention of him, or anyone else, seeing it that night.  Maybe we’re just the same.  Maybe we’re just the same.  Maybe we’re perfect.  We shouldn’t breed.


Submitted: December 29, 2008

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