One Night

Reads: 595  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 2

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

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Please critique my first short story.

Let it flow….. She said and pulled his hips into her hears. I’m sorry I don’t do this alot … he whispered as he relaxed his body. It’s natural, just…. Let it flow…. They twirled and twirled like ribbons in the breeze. The sway of their hips moving as one hypnotized the soul. Soul is the key to dancing, if you can’t feel the music in your soul, then you can’t let it beat through your heart. The cry of the guitar sways your neck and shoulders, your hips rock to the rhythm and your feet try to keep up with the beat. They breathed hard and felt the warmth flow between them. Whenever two can come together to be one, the moment seems quick to end. Love slips through your fingers every moment it’s not spent being as one. Light from the spinning star above their head rolled around the inside of the room and left everything it touched shining. Smiles seemed wider tonight, laughs more uncontrollable, hugs felt tired and conversations never ended. This also meant goodbyes were sad, waves were held for great lengths of time and kisses turned salty from the tears of lovers. Every year the dance turns to a memory. And the two disconnect but they are never far from thought. Forgetting would be easy, but that night imprints itself in the tapestry of their life. Every year she looks more like an angel against the dark background while he nervously gets up and asks her to dance, still wondering if she will always say yes. Is one night like this worth 364 days of loneliness? The guitar fades and the bass grows softer pulling the rest of the rhythm and melody with it.

Submitted: October 18, 2007

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this is really good

good job!

Fri, October 26th, 2007 10:02am


that makes me feel really good, is there anything that I should've change to make the story better.

Fri, October 26th, 2007 11:29am


the only thing i would critique is that alot is spelled a lot. very minor critique but its all i got. if you wouldn't mind could you come check out my work and give some feedback?

Wed, October 31st, 2007 3:01am

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