The destitution of Arthur and shorty's Manhood

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Embarrassing events that occur behind the scenes of a high school party.

Submitted: April 17, 2013

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Submitted: April 17, 2013

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Everyone has that one moment in their teenage hood where we think to ourselves “What the hell was I thinking?” Or if you were one of those “individual” types, you know that group of teens who refused to conform by wearing all black and dying their hair “the colour of the night? Well then you’ve probably had a lot of WTF flashbacks. My “what was I thinking moment” was shared with one of my closest friends Jules.  The biggest challenge a high school student faces has got to be the fact that you’re so close to being able to legally drink yet so far away. My friend Tess had the mother ship of party houses in high school. There were two reasons for this, one being the fact that it was the size of a holiday inn, the second being that her parents had a second home in Florida in which the visited frequently. This one particular party just so happened to be a little different than usual, although no less sexual than her other parties turned out to be. After a night of drinking cheap coolers (I was seventeen and rarely drank so obviously I held my liquor very well) the party was dying down and people were claiming their passed out drunk spots. Jules and I decided to announce to the party we have chosen to slumber in the guest room. We left the room to get our sweats from Tess’s room and returned to the guest room to find two guys from the party stripped down to nothing but their tighty whiteys under the covers. Drunken Jules takes shit from no one so she ripped those two guys a new one telling them to get out, but our drunken high was wearing off and we just wanted to crash. We allowed the guys to stay in the bed but made it perfectly clear that we were going straight to sleep and there was to be no coitus or fondling of any sort to engage in that bed. So Jules and I stripped down to our delicates and t-shirts (I was beyond relieved that I chose to wear my sexy undies that night instead of my brightly patterned boy shots that come in a pack of six at dominion) and hoped in besides the guys. We had spoken with them earlier for probably half an hour before but I can’t for the life of me remember their names, we just refer to them now-a-days as “the guy that kind of looked like Arthur the aardvark” and “shorty”. Jules crawled in next to Arthur, and I next to shorty. Our drunk slutty young minds thought well we might as well take advantage of this opportunity so we cuddled up next to the guys and tried to go to sleep. I was lying between Arthur and shorty so I could clearly hear Arthur whispering sweet nothings into Jules’s ear and her girlish giggles that responded. Then shorty started going on about my “genuine beauty” or something cheesy along those lines, but I do remember him slipping “I have such a boner right now” in amongst the compliments. He then proceeded to take my hand and push it into his underwear so I could in fact feel for myself what he had just proclaimed. I pulled my hand back and laughed not because he wasn’t well equipped, I laughed because that was the only other time I’ve ever touched a penis besides my ex-boyfriends. Shorty of course didn’t know this so the look on his face while I laughed reminded me of the look on a dogs face after you scowl him for eating his own vomit. Then I realized that this poor guy most think I’m laughing at the size of his wedding tackles. So I gave him an eye brow raise kissed him on the neck then rolled over to find Jules and Arthur’s tongues fondling each other’s throats. I cleared my throat obnoxiously to remind them of my presence and after that shit just hit the fan. The bedroom door flew open and in stumbled the very drunk girl who all night had discussed how her boyfriend broke up with her but its ok! Because she is now a free woman and could fuck any guy she wanted! She stated this about eight times per drink and she drank a twelve pack of coolers so eight times twelve equals ninety-six times she declared the recent freedom of her hooch, ah isn’t math wonderous? The girl gets up on the bed and sits between half naked me and shorty and a half naked Arthur and Jules. “I’m so glad I found you boys, all the other guys at this party are lame and wont sleep with me, will you fuck me?” Shorty and Arthur looked at each other and laughed in unison “Get off the bed! And get the fuck out” Shorty had a surprisingly loud voice for such a small guy. This made the girl very mad, she couldn’t believe that out of the fifteen guys at the party none of them were drunk enough to sleep with her. “Well fine then but you’re not fucking these girls so I’m just going to stay here all night”. Clearly she had a lot of respect for herself, so she curled up like a dog at the end of the bed and just starred at the two guys. This was also around the time the show “Jersey shore” made its debut and the phrases that ensued from it were very popular. “Get off the bed you fucking grenade!!” I am not one bit for men calling women names in anyway, in fact I would have verbally kicked the shit out of Arthur any other night but this girl had made such a fool out of herself that all I could do was laugh. As a full on verbal trash fight unravelled before our eyes I shared a “What is happening right now” look with Jules and we tried to slip out of the bed just as our gay friend walked into the room and graciously took care of the situation. He calmed the girl down and lured her out of the room by telling her a hot guy had just walked through the front door. She leaped off the bed falling flat on her face but bouncing back up immediately as if she had a mini trampoline for a face. This girl was determined; I’ve got to give her that. The four us lay back down in the bed a shared a fit of laughter in disbelieve as to what had just happened. Jules turned to Arthur and told him that there was an insanely huge bath tub in the en-suite bathroom that she wanted to show him. I thought nothing of it, being a little drunk and shocked by the previous scene I honestly thought Jules was taking Arthur into the bathroom to show him the tub. I turned over to faced shorty and discuss the hilarity of the situation when his lips met mine. I’m not the type to make out in a bed with a stranger but I felt slightly guilty for just laughing at his twig and berries, so I went with it. I climbed over on top of him (there was no touching of parts just fyi) and got really into it, I could tell he was into it as well by the Barry White octave moaning he was making. Wow actually he was really into it, maybe a little too into it if you know what I mean but there’s no way he was going to- the door opened again and there stood about six of my guy friends who heard the moaning and were hoping to catch a show, oh and they got one. Seems shorty was getting too excited and just as my friends opened the door I had enough time to sit back on the bed right before he sent his little soldiers shooting out over his waist band and all over himself. My friends stood in the door way some disgusted others stood with their jaws dropped but after about five seconds they all started singing the popular Lonely island song “I jizzed in my pants”. I have never been so grateful in my entire life that I had decided to wear a t-shirt to bed than in that moment. I went to the bathroom to grab a towel for poor shorty but instead turned the lights on Arthur completely naked and Jules sitting on the bathroom sink in her bra. Arthur took one look at me and ran back into the guest room covering up his junk, not knowing that he would find six guys in the doorway and his friend on the bed covered in his own baby batter. They were both so embarrassed that they collected their clothing and ran down the street to catch a cab. Jules, myself and our guy friends that just witnessed high school history stayed up the rest of the night cracking jokes about shorty and Arthur. The Sun was starting to rise and drunks from the night before were waking to throw up, so me and Jules decided to burn the sheets and hit the hay. Once we had finally stopped laughing long enough Jules looked at me “Hannah? You know what they were gonna do?” “What Jules?” “They were gonna double fuck us!”


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