Dropped Out Romance

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a little part of a short story i started... its a roughly rough draft haha...so sentence structure blows, grammar blows... just a rough draft. if i actually decide to finish this story, then ill edit it better.

Submitted: March 25, 2010

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 25, 2010



Their she sat. His breath slowly crawling down her cheek to her neck. The rank of beer filled her nostrils as she closed her eyes tightly. What has she done? She has failed herself. Failed her family failed her friends. Failed him. Math! Like she needed help on math. But playing dumb wasn’t as hard as she thought it would have been. She couldn’t keep her eyes on his not even for more than five seconds. Shed either be shot with needles of painful hurt or shed giggle sarcastically and angrily at everything he said or she knew he would say, if he hadn’t been intoxicated. He didn’t know what he was doing, she laughed occasionally because of the fact. But math became boring and she needed to get out what she really was their for. She said politely can we go for a smoke. Of course he agreed, drunk and being a smoker what a better mix than the two she thought. But lets not get hypocritical for she also had the occasional drink at big party events. Rambling and bumbling that’s all he seemed to be doing, of course she soaked in every word but at the same time she just wanted his loser drunk ass to shut up. She knew it was all the alcohol speaking so she tried so hard to not take to heart the things he told her. Suicide, pills, drugs, drinking, and charter ridge? She thought she knew it all, she thought it was bad but not like that. Her whole life seemed to come to a complete holt when she heard these things, they pierced her ears and than sent horrible shocks through out her whole body. She wanted to belt out in the biggest tears and the loudest screams and just throw her arms around him and be grateful that he came that he showed up to see her and that he was ALIVE. She kept it all in and just hid her eyes. By now what he didn’t know was she was an expert at keeping in the hurt and pain and the truth, and slapping on a master piece of a fake smile. Than it hit her like a ton of bricks when she heard the words that she never wanted or at least she thought she never wanted to hear from those two bitter lips with that haunting voice ever again. HE said it she couldn’t believe it. Of course he was drunk but still he said it how dare he even think he can, weather he’s drunk or high or on his death bed. Where does he get off thinking he can use those three words to her. I LOVE YOU. Going on and on telling her that he has always loved her and that she was the only girl who ever loved him for him, that she was the only girl he really loved. That she was his first love…oh but he wasn’t trying to get back with her he just wanted her to know these things. It was drunk rambling 101 for her and she knew it. But… at the same time she wanted to maybe believe a little of it. So slowly oh so very slowly she started to let her guard down, she didn’t say any of it back to him but she opened her ears and shook her head in agreement to everything he said, she played along with his “im not drunk” bullshit. Than he asked, can I have a hug. She hesitated but gently placed her arms around him, than he wanted to put his hand in hers, she hesitated and denied the first couple times but than gave in, than he went to ask her another favor and her sister pulled up in her car ready to leave. Now she’s haunted by what that favor was going to be. She knew and she knows that he was drunk that he was saying it all just because he could. But a part of her just listened to it and felt once again whole and complete and a little happy again. She offered him a ride to were he was going, she couldn’t let him walk that late while he was drunk, so they crammed into the car, bodies so close to one another, she took in his essence his smell his touch, he shyly placed his hand on her bare thigh, she didn’t move it, she threw her arm around his shoulder and rubbed it gently for him. They both acted to the rest of the cars residents as if they weren’t doing a thing. But they both knew, they both felt each others touch. She felt so great, not sexually, but she just felt like she could do anything at that point, she felt so alive so complete like she use to when he touched her. The car came to a stop, he got out, she leaned her body out the car gave him a hug and took that risk, and gave him a soft gentle kiss on the neck. Not anything big to any other person but to her it was bliss even if their was no kiss back. She’s never felt more happy in her life.

She got home, laid in her bed and just stared into the darkened ceiling. She just smiled big than it all came crashing down on top of her. The whole nights events all at once. The thoughts the words she wanted to speak that she didn’t. The emotions she wanted to express but didn’t. It all seemed un real it all seemed to good, yet to horrible to be true. What happened what was it, did he really do that did she really say this. It just all made no sense, and from their she cried herself to puddles of sorrow. As she remembered something he said to her that she thought she blocked from her mind. Im leaving this place im moving far away. Her tears turned thicker and her thoughts and emotions turned hallow. He is leaving he is gone, and within only a week of time before hes gone for good from her life. She bit down hard on her lip until she could taste the copper taste of blood touch her tongue. No pain could equal to what she was feeling at that very moment. Now she sits all she can do is cry and write her pain into a story that to everyone else in the world means nothing. But to her, this is her life, this is the horrible nightmare she lives and she cant escape it.

If she could see him, sober and clean and 100% aware of what she says, this is what she would like to tell him.

I could never bring myself to trust a word that comes from your lips, especially ones that come out with a voice of tainted beer. But your touch at the same time said enough, weather it was a false touch or if it was real. At that moment it felt real to me. And it felt amazing. And all I wanted to say to you was how amazing I thought you were. And how I missed you so much and how in my perfect world I would be with you and wed live like none of those bad things happened, and I would save you from this hell your in and take you into this world of painless bliss that I would build for you. I wish I could tell you that I love you that I always have and I always will, you have stolen every inch of my heart and I don’t ever want you to give it back or give it to someone else. Im ok with you having it, I want you to keep it and I want you to know that im always going to be the girl that will never stop feeling the same pain you feel. Where ever you go and what ever you do ill feel everything you feel, and I would be nothing but the happiest to share that pain if it meant you didn’t have to feel it. If I could take it all away I would in a heart beat. I would trade spots with you if you were on your death bed. Even if you didn’t love me even if you don’t love me I wouldn’t care, because I spent the best five years of my life loving an amazing boy…man like you. I wouldn’t change that for anything or anyone in the world. My friends could hate you my family could want you dead. But in my heart you’ll linger till the day I die. Because I love you I LOVE YOU and I never want to stop loving you never. If you could only know if you could linger in my shoes for a day and feel what I feel, and know how much I do truly love you. I wish you could. Oh how I wish you could…. I pray for the day that you can be happy again, when your sad so am I, I miss your smile that always lit up my soul. And could light up a room. Your cute laugh, your sarcastic giggles. I miss it all. I don’t regret being around long enough to of gotten the chance to know the real you, but I do regret I may never see him ever again….I cant stop and I wont stop loving you….

Finally she told him, told him everything she felt, as far as she knows he was sober and not on any narcotics. Here she poured her heart out laid it all bear and naked out in the open. He responds with, That’s awesome you’d say that I thought you hated me, well when can I see you? Her jaw dropped and she wanted to just hang up the phone and throw it against the nearest wall. That’s all he could say to her. When can I see you? 7 months of not talking, 7 months of not seeing one another, 7 months of wondering what he was doing how he was, and when she lays out her desperate emotions of how she feels he responds with that! Yet she still met up with him the very next day hoping maybe he just needed to be in person to discuss what he felt. Surprise, surprise the only thing he could manage to do was make her feel uncomfortable and want her to kiss him. She did want to, but at the same time she didn’t. She knew he was leaving in a few days, why would she want to put her self through that kind of pain. To kiss him would mean all those lost emotions that were stuck deep inside her would all come flooding out. She wouldn’t be able to control them and than she would fall in love all over again. She couldn’t risk that she kept telling her self over and over. But they walked to the park sat together in a tiny pavilion and before she knew it his lips were pressed tightly against hers his hand gently on her chin, his tongue slowly caressing hers. She pulled away her face became weak and she looked away. Trying to hide the fact that she might just break down in tears right their at that very moment. He didn’t make anything better by asking what was wrong and why she looked so sad. She didn’t know what to say except I shouldn’t have done that what was I thinking. She wanted to smack him on the nose and say hello stupid your leaving Tuesday and you just kissed me, and it wasn’t just a sloppy I want sex or some fun kind of kiss it was a passionate yet short kiss of what felt like love. Like when we use to kiss before you tore her heart into millions of shredded pieces. She smiled so poorly and stood up grabbed her school books and started to walk away, he stopped her with his arm, she gave him an im ok look, and he released his arm from her way, she continued to walk. She made it a couple feet when he was right behind her pretty close in fact. He goofed around for a while on his bike childishly chasing a squirrel. She sat in a building and was trying to gather her thoughts but nothing seemed to happen up their. She contemplated the pro’s and con’s of that kiss but she couldn’t think of anything but con’s. He’s leaving she thought, he’s leaving and I wont be able to see him, yet im putting my self into situations such as these and im going to get hurt. She thought and argued with her heart and mind, no conclusion from either or. She stood up and walked out the door back into the park area. He came up on his bike and her cell phone began to ring. It was her sister, she told her that she was in the parking lot and to hurry up so they could leave. She felt a little relieved but at the same time didn’t want to leave his side. He smiled and leaned in, oh no she thought you need to just say no and leave don’t do it to yourself again, not twice in the same hour now. But she didn’t back away she didn’t say no, she kissed him and for that minute or two she felt like she was floating on a cloud. Than the cloud quickly disintegrated and she plummeted through fiery air. Before she knew it she was in the car and driving away, and all these horrible thoughts and feelings began to inflate her mind.

After that night she knew resisting and saying no to him wasn’t going to happen. She figured that the safest thing to do was to tell him she just cant do this, she needs to end it now and end it for good. It killed her thinking she had to say those words to him, but she knew what was coming if she didn’t. She sent him a text saying she needed to talk about something very important so he needed to call her as soon as he got the chance. A few minutes later he called her. From the moment he answered the phone she overwhelmed herself with horrible angered emotions. She hated herself for even thinking about saying such things to him. Then she finally decided she needed to say it, nothing good would come from this if she stayed. She opened her mouth and she told him, I cant do this, I love you Justin I do, more than anything in this world. If we continue with this one of us will get hurt. We should just say good bye and part like that, end it now before it escalades into something we both cant control. He was furious he hung up on her. She quickly called but he didn’t answer. She wasn’t done there was so much more she needed to say to him. She continued to call and leave text messages on his phone. Finally he answered, explained he couldn’t take hearing that, and if its what she wanted than fine. He made her feel like total crap for wanting it. So inevitably she said never mind. Maybe we should see each other once more before you move. They both agreed, and continued to talk about just random things for the rest of the night. They both had agreed to meet up with each other at the constitution square festival. She tried calling him all day, he wouldn’t answer. Finally she picked up her sisters phone and ironically he answered the foreign number. She was furious and full of anger, she didn’t understand how it was possible that he begged her not to leave him and made her feel like she was just wrong and evil for wanting to leave him. Yet he continued to torment her. As she was returning to the coffee house with her friend, a red jeep drove by. Her eyes bulged from her head her heat sunk into her stomach as she watched him drive by. He signaled for her to walk behind the building to meet up with him. She was so over whelmed with mixed emotions that she just continued walking. All she could say over and over was that as whole I never in my life have met a person who could do such things. She stormed her way past the coffee house with a murderous look in her eyes. All her friends and her sister tried to stop her and ask her what was wrong but she just ignored them and continued to the constitution square…She sat on the cement wall her friend right behind her. They both sat their, he knew she was angry so he did what he could to make her laugh. No smiles came. She couldn’t take it anymore, she had all this in her mind she needed to get it out. She called him up on his cell phone and she started in. Of course he was filled with excuses, she didn’t believe any of them. She finally caved and knew if she didn’t see him one more time before he left, she would regret it. She told him to come meet her where she was sitting. Also, to make it FAST! She sat their and a few minutes later he came walking up to her, sat beside her and didn’t really say anything. She figured she needed to just let lose get rid of all that anger and push it far away. She did such, then she finally began to enjoy her evening. They both sat their on the wall talking about nothing, all of a sudden one of his friends came rolling up on his wheelies. As soon as he did he paid no attention to her what so ever. She became very angry yet again, but she just smiled and ignored him right back. Hoping he would take a hint that she was upset, but he was pretty dumb. They walked around, she told them both that she was going to the coffee house then turned to him and told him to get a move on right now. She had never done anything like that but damn did it feel good. But of course he took his time she did nothing. They eventually made their way over to the coffee house were the three of them sat at a table. She pulled out her laptop and started in her on world, who cared he wasn’t paying any mind to her anyhow. But sure enough as soon as his friend left it was oh talk to me babe, oh whats wrong babe, oh smile some babe, BLAH BLAH BLAH. She just hid it all like she was use to doing and put her laptop away. They started talking, he wanted to take a picture with her, she refused, until he bugged her to a point where she just said ok what ever. He opened his phone and their on his screen was that evil conniving little hussy. She quickly got angered but expressed it through insults. Said her picture better be the one on that screen the next time she sees him. He said of course why do you think I want the picture. She smiled slightly to the gesture. He looked at her and said babe lets go for a walk, so they got up, she told her sister to just call when shes ready to leave. They walked over to the court house and made their way to the pavilion. They began to enjoy each others company, acting as if nothing in the world mattered at that moment. They playful pushed each other around, hugged one another, held one another, then things began to take a whole different turn. He began pulling her close, rubbing up on her. She wanted to hesitate to do the same right back, but it was so natural for her to be like this with him, that for that moment she forgot everything that happened and for some reason thought they were still together. They began to kiss one another, she closed her eyes tightly and embraced the feel of his lips pressed firmly against hers, his tongue gently rubbing and caressing her tongue. She was enjoying the moment and she didn’t want it to end. After numerous minutes of kissing and touching one another, they both laid down in the center of the pavilion. The pavilion had no room to it, so together they just gazed into the nights sky. Their wasn’t many stars out when we laid down, so she quickly pointed up and said thts my star, the brightest and first. She said that because she meant that she was the brightest and the FIRST one in his life. Girlfriend wise, and lover wise, and sexually. D all of the above. He smiled and said ok well then that star right there is mine. The clouds quickly blew over our stars and we just laid their and talked. We talked about how we missed one another, how we loved one another, how we were so happy to be in each others lives again. She should of known it was all lies, but for that moment it felt real. The serious moment soon was over and he rolled on top of her, straddling her waist. He began to playful grab at her gently, and tickle her, kiss her, and tease her. She quickly gave in and threw him back and began to straddle him. She took off her belt and strapped his hands together. She began to tease him, her phone kept ringing but she didn’t answer, she wasn’t ready to leave his side yet. He got free from her hold and they both got up to their feet, kissed a few more times then insinuated to one another that the heat was up and it was going to happen. At this point in time she didn’t want sex for sex, she wanted to just remember the feel of him inside her. That feeling she missed all to much. Not for the sexual pleasure but for the passion behind it. They tried to figure out where they could do this, they ended up behind a trash can in a parking lot structure. Not the most romantic of places, but they took what they could. He took off his shirt and laid it down so she wouldn’t get dirty. He removed the rest of his clothes as she removed her bottom half of clothes. She knew this scene all to well the only time she would get completely naked was if she knew for certain she wouldn’t get caught. So their she laid on the cold ground sticks poking at her every where, he got to his knees and they began to………well you get the picture. It was like it usually was quick and well quick. But she didn’t care to much that it wasn’t all that sexually pleasurable, like I said she never had sex with him for just sex, it was always more then that. Though she did catch herself sometimes really enjoying what he did to her. Her phone had been ringing the whole time, she answered it as they looked for all their clothes and shoes. It was her friend, he asked where she was and what she was doing, even though he knew. They got full dressed and walked into the parking lost, her back was all dirty her feet covered in dirt, and twigs and leaves filled her hair, he helped her pick them out as they walked to speed way, he was meeting up with his friends and she was meeting up with hers. When they got their of course it was obvious what they where doing, but she didn’t care. She never denied him or what they did, she wasn’t ashamed of him or the things he did. She adored him she wouldn’t never regret any moment spent weather it be sexual or not. Of course he denied it and was ashamed and embarrassed of her. His friends mocked him and made fun of him and she just let it slide off her shoulder. Let him do what he wants she thought. She went up to him and asked for a hug good bye. He didn’t want to give her one, she could tell, but he did, in a manor of as if he had to force himself. She walked away just slipping that part of the night from her mind, but keeping the good moments. She got to the coffee house with her friends, not even five minutes later their he came with his buddies. He didn’t talk to her he just glanced every now and then, she sent him playful text messages but he wouldn’t even acknowledge them or her. She grew tired of it, they just had sex and he said all those things about how he loved her, but now he was going to forget she existed. NO, she wasn’t going to let that happen not all over again. So she got up she went to give him a kiss and he backed away. HE BACKED AWAY. He said didn’t I already give you a kiss goodbye. She wanted to just rip her hand through his chest and pull out his heart and fucking stomp it to a bloody gutted pulp. She grabbed his arm pulled him to the side of the coffee house were his friends couldn’t see, and sure enough because no one saw them he kissed her. She knew at this moment she had just gotten herself into another bad messy mistake. She knew she was getting ready experience the worse of it, she felt it lingering through her veins. Something was going to go down., something horrible.

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