Just Fantasies Or Memories?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
When will I wake up from this nightmare? Wait.. why is it a nightmare if I'm dreaming of you? Oh that's right, because in a dream I would get everything I wanted, in a nightmare everything goes wrong, even if it starts out looking good..

Submitted: January 01, 2012

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Submitted: January 01, 2012

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I sit here in my dazed state wondering what to do. Nothing, and I mean nothing can change the fact that I love you. Pardon the poetry but it's part of me. The way I speak and the way I write, the way I sing and the way I try to do everything right, it's all who I am, why you can't see it.. Why you can't accept it.. Why..

"Hey.. You there?" I send in the text. You take forever to reply.

"Hey, yeah, you alright? Is everything OK?" Finally you answer, but the real question is, do you really care?The tears swell up as I reply.

"Uhm.. no. It isn't.." What more can I say? I've dared myself to tell the truth but I don't feel like anything has been lifted, I'm more frightened now than I was before I texted you.

"Do you want to meet somewhere?" I shake my head as if you can hear me.

"No.." If I told you to come would you really stay?

"I'm on my way over. What's going on?" You're a good 20 minutes away so I've got time to think of an excuse.. My mind is blank apart from you.

"I.. I can't say." The door is unlocked so I sit on the couch and wait. After what seems like hours rather than minutes I hear your truck before you go to the door. You walk in and come into the living room to sit with me. You pull me to you, to give me comfort as you hold me tight and stroke my hair, soothing me, whispering things to me as you gently kiss my neck, the radio is almost inaudible in the background playing our song. I pull away and wipe a tear off my face, you watch me with those eyes that tell me everything will be OK, and make me wonder why I doubted for a second you cared.

"Why are you so sad today, beautiful?" You're holding my hands and still looking at me with those eyes. I lean my forhead on yours and as I'm about to speak the words that were hiding somewhere in my throat, the hands of sleep release me and I'm sent back into the real world. I'm curled up in a ball on the couch with my cel phone going off in my hand. It's you, replying to the text I sent hours ago.

"Hey, yup, what's up?" Then it hits me. That was no dream, it was a nightmare, the kind that leaves you wanting to fall back asleep to torture yourself more. I start to cry again, for real, and this time, it's going to take you a lot longer than 20 minutes to get here. You're thousands of miles away yet in my dreams you never leave my side.

"Nothing."

'These nightmares, This hell, Which one's real I can no longer tell.'

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Might add to this later but I'm running on 2 hours of sleep.. Really random. Kinda short. Decent?

PS. The quote is from MY poem Red Eyes & Runny Noses, see it for more.


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