I Lie (part 1 of 9)

I Lie (part 1 of 9) I Lie (part 1 of 9)

Status: Finished

Genre: True Confessions



Status: Finished

Genre: True Confessions



the story of my life and the underlying truth.
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the story of my life and the underlying truth.

Chapter1 (v.1) - I Lie (part 1 of 9)

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the story of my life and the underlying truth.

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: April 25, 2014

Reads: 99

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: April 25, 2014



“I Lie”

A Journey from “American Dream” to Universal Zen

Based on REAL Events

The “GOOD NEWS” from: The Son of God

AKA Brian Paul Gossling







“I lie,


For the Preservation of

We And Hopefully All of Humanity!”


-Brian Paul Gossling


















What is good and evil is essentially the I, not the world.  The I, the I is what is deeply mysterious!”  Ludwig Wittgenstein Notebooks, 1916











It IS:








The First Part of This “Text” Is Simply for the Purpose of (Interchangeable) Enjoyment (i.e. or Terror) of The Reader(s).  The Only Part That Should Be Kept by Anyone and Everyone; Is the Last 9 Pages (i.e. the 9 syllable canto)…Enjoy or Don’t …Either Way…I Strongly Suggest REAL Change for TODAY!!!!!!!!!



I have been writing bits and pieces of this text for the past 13 years (so forgive some of the language) and was uncertain what I was to do with it until December, 19th 2010 when I was touched by the hand of God (literally), dropped to my knees and reminded of the journey I started over 20 years ago.  At which point the Holy Spirit was (for lack of a better word) introduced into me.  At first I thought I was going crazy; that it was the end of the world right then and there, and that all that was happening to me was some supernatural psychotic break of sorts; but it was not!  I began to have visions of the past, the present, and of the future in ways I am not sure how to put into words.  I saw Tsunami, tornados (especially Joplin and more to come) and have seen hurricanes, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes and many many many other events I will not mention at this Time.  I have died, been killed, been places, been beyond places in so many ways, in so many different Times, that it is hard to categorize or determine if they were actually real events (past? present? or future?) or just visions…they come in dreams, visions (these are different then hallucinations), senses of feeling and other.  I had always known that I was different: felt, saw, believed, sensed and live differently; but I never fully understood why until 1/6/11 when I had “The Epiphany” and God explain things to me in much clearer terms then I am probably going to be able to do with You.  He gave me the choice of what to do with myself, the message I am to deliver to all of You, and to choose whether or not this mass of human beings was worth fighting for.  I began writing again and wrote more and more with the help and hand of God on my shoulder.  His direct guidance began in January and produced numerous “layers/steps” to the foundations I had previously laid and many others before me have laid…well beyond what I had wrote in my scroll so many years ago…so here is my sword…that will hopefully kindle a fire in your hearts.

I presented a rough copy of this text to the Chaplin at Trinity College in Hartford, CT on 3/6/11 and returned 3 days later on 3/9/11 (Ash Wednesday…for my sins as a man)…I think you know what happened on 3/11/11…and yes, I do know what is going to happen (i.e. “2012”…see The Message section for answers).  I hope to give this book away and all of me that comes with it…it is FREE!  I hope that those that can; will use all monies, donations and gifts to start helping the 9 most impoverished regions in the world.  This is my mission: to fight for the starving, sick, oppressed and dispossessed.  Wherever there is suffering; I will go and bring hope, peace and the love of Christ and God to those that truly need it and want it.  Those who wish to join me on this mission and help in this process will be greatly reward in the next life and those that stand in the way and continue to stand in the way…May God Have Mercy On Your Souls (literally and I can only say hopefullyCause God’s Not Real Happy With All The Killing). 

I do not require much personally and will not profit from this with riches or sales or follow up books or cars or homes or shrines or churches…just peace…that is all I ask and all I’ve ever wanted.  All I will need is a ride to these locations, good people, and the pledge of those with the guns and bombs to do their part while I am away on my mission and start concerning themselves with real change toward peace and environmental health…because that will be your only way back!!!  I am not trying to take your lives or beliefs away from you, merely suggesting that you heed my warning and be accepting of some of my suggestions.  This book is in NO way meant to replace the Bible or other spiritual texts…it was simply a book I was writing as a therapeutic tool about my journey through life and my unyielding search for God and then turned into much more (as you will see).  If your faith or religion works for you and others; keep it and add what I have to offer in order to make it a more natural religious/spiritual experience for everyone…because the state of affairs today is far from God’s intended design or idea…even though it is part of His plan…as a sign of my commitment to this mission I have stripped myself of everything…as a commitment and a devotion to Peace and Christ and to God and to the human race I will suffer as homeless, moneyless and without material pleasures just as many people of the world are today (I will suffer with them and for them)…until the world changes I will starve myself of all you have created and exists…and devote myself to this mission entirely…even if it kills me or You kill me.  Thank You In Advance For Your Efforts And Gifts…May Peace Be With You All…Because You May Not Have That Much Time Left…Good or Evil…Make Your Peace With God Either Way!!!



Screaming out into a silent darkness, beads of chilled sweat freshly cascading from his brow, Fredrick’s slender pale body and ocean blue eyes could only make out the remnants of a rapidly more distant edge; of what sort he could not tell.  The trembling mirage of an absent moon and the hazy glint of thankless stars began to solidify his last possible thought.  At the moment of completing, what he thought had to be his last foxhole prayer; Fredrick struck what seemed to be a beam of aspiring light.  He instinctually spun around within mid-air to investigate what he believed would be a rapidly approaching ground.  To his amazement, he found the exact same dynamic manifestation he had seen before performing this aerial maneuver.

Confused and seemingly suspended in animation; silence crept back in.  His visual and mental acuities began to regain a more reliable and interactive perspective; rather than being purely subject to his body’s “fight or flight” response. Fredrick’s limited mental capacity began to turn all its little wheels.  Simple questions began to enter his mind: Where am I?  What is happening?  And how did I get here?  These were the Holy Trinity as far as Fredrick was concerned, and considering that time might be a factor; he tried to focus on figuring those three out first.

With his senses returning to a relative state of equilibrium he began to realize he was no longer falling, and now seemed to not be moving at all.  With a tentative purr; he attempted to productively break the silence and called out, in hope of any response.  The refracted and muffled reverberations of his increasingly more amplified questions; provided little comfort!  The absence of deafening silence was an improvement of sorts, while the deep sensation of a crushing darkness continued to consume his senses.

Fredrick’s unproductive attempts at assembling even a single useful piece of information, which could possibly challenge one of his primary questions, made him nauseatingly dizzy!  So he simply let his mind run wild with: possibilities, emotions, questions, desires and thoughts. He became so overwhelmed by a bizarre state of un-yielding acceptance, that his purgatory like predicament soon became fascinating.  As soon as this forced state of tranquility presided over him; the darkness suddenly began to break. 

The resemblance of a linear light suddenly appeared, as if a rising horizon had been flicked on like a light switch and was sent hurtling toward him; this once again kick-started the turning of all Fredrick’s little wheels.  He thought, “At last, something that could provide a possible answer to one of these questions!”

While the resonating thought of, “So what’s the best way to get through suspended animation?” remained spinning in the slick mud of his busy little mind.  All his wheels were already rolling and so Fredrick began to run, sprint, swim and superman his way nowhere.  After tiring back into a now exhausted state of tranquility; he began to feel horribly stuck.  Suddenly, as if tranquility and surrender were somehow linked to action; he began to feel as if he was moving again.  The sheer presence of involuntary movement stirred his senses back into flight.  Fear once again had him by the throat and was pile-driving him toward an unknown and presumably certain end.

The light was a straight beam and perceptually quite distant; yet, for some reason, there were no longer any visible markers such as the fading edge or hazy stars.  Fredrick was certain that he was heading toward (or it toward him) this seemingly natural light; and indeed it (or he) was!  The closer the light got, the less avoidable it became.  None of his attempted aerial maneuvers could escape the presence of this approaching light.  It was as if a prismic-laser had been inexplicably imprinted on his eyes.  The more he tried to search for darkness or even a dimmer section of this now rapidly approaching horizon; the more he felt consumed by it.  Finally, he simply had to shut his eyes and suffer the nausea of not seeing his fate unfold; possibly missing something that could explain this rather disorienting situation.  Occasionally he would open his eyes in an attempt to catch a glimpse of something useful; much like trying to catch a peek at Santa Claus by periodically poking his head out from a strategically chosen living room couch.  To no avail, the blinding brightness remained ever present each time he tried.  Once again, he had to retreat back into a state of dimmer and (now) not so tranquil acceptance.

Without fail, acceptance proved to once again be the key to this unknown equation and the feeling of motion ceased.  The light still seemed to be present, while the intensity of its searing sensation was far less prevalent; especially behind closed eyelids.  Feeling some comfort within a now cooler light, and having been twice removed from the despairing darkness; Fredrick wondered whether or not he should tempt the fate of this seemingly acceptance driven place.  He was able to abstain for only a few agonizing moments.  Fredrick eagerly opened his eyes with a squinting apprehension; to his amazement he found; what he thought to be a devastatingly useless image.

Now unable to move or even shut his eyelids; Fredrick was stuck staring at a reflection of what he perceived to be himself:  glowing blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin and a useless look of perplexity.  Fredrick was seemingly stuck in front of a mirror.  The horizon of radiant light was gone, and yet this pane of mirror and its’ reflection of him were quite visible.  Oddly, the rest of the reflection in front of him; indicated that there was also a mirror behind him.  The image of active recursion once again left Fredrick discombobulated and distressed.  Seemingly frozen between two mirrors and frustrated, he strived to achieve some assemblance of acceptance; which proved to be far more difficult that being forced into the submission of acceptance. Becoming increasingly more irritable and discontent; Fredrick’s desire to stop moving was replaced with a great desire to break free.  The more he struggled, the more he hated what he saw.  He finally stopped fighting and attempted to think his way into acceptance and out of this location.  At that exact moment, Fredrick woke up in the midst of a panic attack. 

This was the first dream Fredrick ever had or at least that he could remember having; he was only 7 years old.  Later in life Fredrick would learn, with great distinction, the difference between dreams and nightmares; with each passing year he would continue to question which one this was.  Needless to say mirrors, dualisms, and unlimited possibilities would haunt and intrigue our dear Fredrick for many more years to come.

Fredrick’s journey had begun prior to this mind-altering state of REM, and in large part, was probably responsible for it having ever taken place or having made a full transition into conscious long-term memory.  It certainly would not be his last!

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