Let It Not Be Me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Considering the horrified reaction to my last poem, I'm warning you this one is even more unpleasant. I have to write about this, or I may never stop screaming. It is so fresh and I have to let it bleed out, before the wound can fester inside me.

Submitted: June 25, 2012

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Submitted: June 25, 2012

A A A

A A A


 

I didn't scream

I wish I had

But all I could think was

This isn't me

Oh please let this not be me.

 

Let this be someone else.

Let this not be MY neck he bruises,

Not me that is being violated.

Let this not be MY body that is pounded on this wet grass.

I focus my eyes on the people

They stand under the street light

Laughing

Staggering

Watching.

 

And I lay silent.

I could not cry out

Or even cry at all.

I lay there and was someone else.

Anyone else.

Any where else

Than under this strange man

With his twisted sneering face

As he laughs at me.

I lie silent.

And I scream in my head.

 

It is two days later

But I don't feel it.

Might as well be two hours.

I still scream in my head.

I can't stop.

I can't let it out.

Although I almost feel it in my throat now.

It prevents me from sleeping

So I pace

And scrub my skin

My face

My arms

My bruised breasts

My shredded hands

And my violated body.

 

I wish I could drink bleach.

To remove the impurities he left inside me.

I think I can still taste him in my mouth

And so I feel ill

And scrub my mouth too.

Anything I eat tastes like ash

Like he did

And sits heavy in my stomach.

Mother keeps me dosed on sedatives and painkillers.

It's better that way.

I try to believe it will be okay

But it's not

It's not.

This isn't me.

Let it not be me.

Please, let it not be me.


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