My earliest memory would be rolling down a hill. I don’t know how I got there but at the time I didn’t care. I had never ran so fast and I could feel the wind gushing past me, threatening to slow me down or knock me on my side but there was nothing stopping me that day. I was like a coin possessed! But the elation soon turned into panic. I had my mind so fixated on missing the dog poo and rough terrain that I had completely failed to notice the road at the bottom of the grassy hill until it was too late.
I hit the wall and bounced clean off it into the incoming traffic. I lay there, hardly daring to move as the cars sped over me. The fear was unlike anything I had ever felt before. To my left I could see the grassy hill with the dog poo. The children were too far away for me to call them and get them to save me. All I could do was wait; wait for the pushbike with the sticky wheel that would lift me from the tarmac and off I went!
Spinning round and round my vision was blurred. I felt sick and instantly regretted wanting to leave the road. Every time the wheel turned I hoped I would come loose and land perfectly on the path. I had not been saved, I had been punished! For the painful half hour that I was stuck to that wheel all I could do to stop myself throwing up was to pray to the god Nickel and ask forgiveness of my sins. We were well within the city when we came to a stop outside and old brick house. The owner of the bike went inside and I put all my strength into prying myself off the wheel before he came back. Eventually I fell off with relief, just before the cyclist returned and peddled away.
I didn’t have much time to gather my thoughts and think of my escape plan before I saw a small child fall happily out the front door. I could see her hobbling up to me. She was like a drunken old man that kept toppling over and falling onto the wall for support. I could see bubbles coming out of her nose and before she even touched me I knew she would have sticky fingers. A day that had got progressively worse had just hit rock bottom as I was lifted from the ground and straight into her gaping, chocolate covered mouth.
From that moment it was pitch black and I thought that maybe the dirty human had made me go blind. How could I have been so stupid to roll down that hill! I heard muffled sounds of humans and car doors, a moments silence before an engine started up. The child merrily sucked away as if I was a boiled sweet, slowing eventually to a stop as she fell asleep. I was utterly disgusted. How could a coin of my standard have ended up being sucked by a baby? My thoughts were disturbed by sudden movement within the child’s mouth.
I slid out in a puddle of dribble and landed on the child’s podgy leg. I will tell none of the others about this, I thought to myself as I dried off and took note of my surroundings. Thankfully I had not become blind and could quite clearly see that we had somehow ended up in a car. I breathed a sigh of relief and lay there, taking in the peaceful moment and the safety of the vehicle.
I have no recollection of when I went to sleep but I was woken with a start as the back door flew open and a muscly man lent in to release the baby from its chair. It took my eyes a moment to adjust before I noticed the gun devilishly poking out from the back of his jeans. What was happening! Feed me to the baby! Stick me in dog poo. Just don’t shoot me!
I was terrified for my life. Both my sides shook in fear and panic. Where was he taking the child? Why wasn’t she afraid of him? Why did he have a gun?! Through my mad internal ranting I hadn’t realised that the crazy axe murderer type person was staring straight at me. Had I said all this out loud? The man, who was undoubtedly a psychopathic villain, plucked me from the seat with his large hands and carried me and the baby into a large building.
We walked for a while through various sections of the building before we came to a large room with mirrors up the whole length of a wall. A large chair took pride of place in the middle, surrounded by more large men standing with their hands together and faces emotionless. The chair swung round slowly as my heart continued to pound, images of mob bosses and flesh eating pigs clouding my view.
‘DADDY!’ screamed the unbearable toddler that had escorted me here. The chair came to a halt to face us and as I stared in awe as the beast of a man holding us placed the baby into the open arms of her father. As if delivered by the hands of fate, I slid from his palm in the transaction and landed casually and effortlessly into the lap of the familiar occupant of the chair.
A coin like me has heard all kind of music from all walks of life, but hip hop had always been a favourite. So imagine my elation when I was unintentionally dropped into the lap of American rapping legend Twenty Cent. I couldn’t let this opportunity at stardom fly past me and I started to give him my best glint. The light shone gloriously off my side and I couldn’t believe my luck when he picked me up and stuck me into the dangerously low pocket of his jeans.
I couldn’t breathe. I felt absolutely ecstatic, as if the day’s events had all just been a dream. Or maybe this was a dream; maybe I was still in the mouth of a grubby child. Twenty Cent’s child. I screamed happily to myself as the owner of the baggy pants started jogging towards the stage. I felt a hand reach in and grab me. My moment had come.
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