"Men Got Game,So Ladies Learn To Play"....By Derrick Fleming

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Derrick Fleming The Self-Proclaimed "Love Doctor" Breaks Down The Real Truth About Men In His Book: "Men Got Game,So Ladies Learn To Play"...Read The First Chapter Here!

I wrote this book “Men Got Game,So Ladies Learn To Play” because I truly felt that their are a huge number of women out there who could use some “straight talk” when it comes to men and the way that we view relationships,love,and even sex. I didn’t pull any punches with this book . I wanted to give a real male perspective without worrying about “stepping on toes”. Everyone has different experiences in the dating game and by no means do I profess to have all the answers,but in my opinion there is no such thing as a relationship “expert”. Its all about sharing information and trying to identify those common denominators that we all face in relationships.
My goal with this book is to give women more of a understanding about the male mind so that they can at least level the playing field when they are in pursuit of love and happiness. Tonight,as you are reading this book,there is a woman somewhere that is trying to figure out why she keeps running into the same kinds of men. They all talked a great game and seemed so sincere upon first meeting them.She wonders what she is doing wrong. She recently met a guy who seemed really nice and polite. The two of them really “hit it off”. After three weeks of spending time together and getting to know each other,he suddenly stops returning her telephone calls. Now she starts regretting that she opened up her heart and bedroom to this gentleman. This  kind of situation is the result of a woman who lowered her standards in an attempt to keep a man that she really felt a chemistry with. The bottom line is she got played,and will continue down this road until she learns how to effectively combat these kinds of situations.  Often times when women put themselves on a “platter” and allow a man to do with them what he pleases,then the result is the same. What this women obviously didn’t fathom is that she should not have opened up her bedroom to this man until he proved himself worthy. No matter what a man tells you ladies,once you make yourself sexually available to him “too quickly”,he has labeled you in his head. Make sure that he is going to “stick around” before you share your bed with him.The reality is that the dating game is constantly changing and whenever the game changes,so do the rules. Women have long yearned to figure our exactly what makes men tick. The problem with women talking to other women about “men” is that their is no male perspective available to either agree or disagree. When women get together for drinks or a night out,its inevitable that the conversation will soon be centered around the topic of the “male” species. Women constantly vent about the lack of good men available and the fact that all the good men are actually taken. The truth is,all women at some point have wondered why men struggle with monogamy more than women or why men choose to cheat even when they have a good thing at home. One thing that I have always wanted to convey to women is that its virtually impossible to keep a man who does not want to be kept.If a man wants to be with you,he will be with you. This is the hardest fact for some women to face. Their is absolutely nothing a woman can do to make a man be with her if he has a different plan. Let me say that again. Their is absolutely nothing a woman can do to make a man be with her if he has a different plan. It never ceases to amaze me that women will argue and fight with another woman in hopes of gaining the love of a man. Competition for love is pointless. A man knows exactly who and what he wants. So this is the very first fact that women must accept. If a man truly wants you in his life,he will have absolutely no problem conveying this to you. If you are in a relationship and you have to wonder about what part you play in a man’s life or where you stand in relation to his future,then he has not done something to validate his feelings for you. It does not take a tremendous amount of time for a man to know whether you are around to stay or if you are a temporary distraction until he finds the “one”. Some men will read this book and think to themselves: “Women play just as many games as men do. I wont argue with this,but I will say that men are usually the culprits in introducing the “game” aspect to a new relationship. Men consistently feel the need to “play” and unless women  know the tricks of the trade,many of them while always fall prey to disappointment in the area of love and relationships. Men are “hunters” ladies. That’s what men do. Men like to hunt and chase. The prize in our minds is always of a sexual nature at first. When a man sees a beautiful woman walking down the street he is not thinking to himself that she looks very smart or witty. He is more focused on how her body looks in that tight pair of jeans or how sexy she looks in those “stilletos”. The dating pool is full of men and women with different expectations regarding love,sex,and relationships. Men place sex very high on the priority scale,so what women must realize is that sometimes the purpose that you actually serve in a man’s life is of a sexual nature.That’s why women must be sure about her role in a man’s life before she decides to get involved with him sexually. If you have to compete  for a man’s attention,then he’s probably not that into you. A very common mistake that most women make in relationships is forgetting how to first love and appreciate themselves.What both men and women must realize is that another individual cannot complete you. Once you find out who you really are and what your needs are,then another person can “compliment” you,but we can not expect another individual to complete us or define who we are.Once we meet someone who you feel a real attraction and “chemistry” with,we tend to give them the power to control our happiness. That’s a very common mistake that a lot of women make in the search for Mr. Right. Women have a perception that being single is a negative thing. That’s because all their lives they have been told and led to believe that a woman should meet a great guy,get married,and have a family. What women must realize is that being single is not a negative thing at all.  It is far better to sleep alone than to “settle” for someone that will be another “quick” fix. Both men and women are guilty of this.. We meet someone who we find reasonably attractive and we become involved in a relationship that we know is not really going anywhere. In the back of our minds we know that this person is not the “one”,but it just beats being alone and watching movies on a Saturday night.  I compare the pursuit if love to something that every woman can relate to. Finding true love is a lot like shopping. When you like something,you try it on. If it does not fit,then you cannot force it.You simply try something different. Women are notorious for trying to force a relationship to work,even if various red-flags are constantly popping up. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman say “All men are dogs” I would definitely be a billionaire today. I once had a very good female friend who I will refer to as Lady X. This woman was was very attractive and college educated. We  worked together briefly,but I got to know this woman very well. She would always talk to me about her search for a good man and she was convinced that all men played the same games in relationships. This woman liked to frequent clubs and this is where she would meet most of the men that she dated. “They only want one thing”,she replied. Lady X,just like a lot of women was ready to give up hope on finding a man that she could truly find something special with. The advice that I gave her was simple. “When you meet these men,make them wait  for at least two months before you go to bed with them”,I said .Lady X was constantly making the mistake that a lot of women make. She was trying to equate love with sex. Love and sex are two different things. I told my friend that if she made a man wait for sexual intercourse and left something to the “imagination”,that she would not consistently run into men that just slept with her and would never call her again. I also advised Lady X to stop dressing so provocative and present herself as more of a “lady”. This woman never had a father and she knew very little about men. I explained to Lady X that once you give your body to a man,he views you differently. In other words,once he gets what he wants,you become not as much of a “priority”.After a few months of applying my advice,Lady X met a gentleman who she really liked.She didn’t rush into a sexual relationship with this man and he actually respected that. These two are now happily married and expecting their first child. The truth is that all men do possess the tendency to stray but I think calling all men dogs is a bit far fetched. The true bottom line is that men love great sex. If every man was having great sex at home,would some men still cheat? The answer to that question is definitely “yes”. I’ve heard women say things like “I did everything in my power to make him happy,and he still cheated”. What women must understand is that men cheat for a number of reasons. Often times when a man commits infidelity,his woman blames herself. She starts questioning her beauty and blaming her man’s cheating on the fact that she was lacking in some form or fashion. This is simply ridiculous. A woman should never start looking at herself in the mirror because her man cheats. Infidelity is a conscious choice. Society usually paints this picture of men being promiscuous,but the reality is that women also cheat. Do men cheat more and for different reasons?  I would say absolutely. So why do men have a hard time being faithful? Why do so many men risk their marriages and great lives for a quick thrill that only last temporarily? Why does the man that has a beautiful wife and a great family,sneak around to fulfill his lustful desires at the local Hilton or Holiday Inn? These are all great questions that will be answered shortly. First,we will talk about the primary difference between men and women. Men are wired differently then women are. Sure,every man wants to find a good wife and get married. The white house with the picket fence is the American dream,right? In the 1950s and 1960s,maybe this was true. The reality today is quite different. Dating in present day America has changed tremendously. Finding that “special” someone has turned into more of a “game” than in the old days. Why do I refer to dating as a game?  Well,the reality is that if you are a single man or woman in today’s society,you have probably encountered your share of “games” in relationships. Men play games.Women play games. People are not upfront about their motives. Men actually do possess this thing called “game”. Game can be defined as persuasion or gaining a woman’s favor by painting a picture of one’s self in a favorable way. Allow me to give you an example. Men understand that women are impressed by money. That’s just a fact..Have you ever seen a very attractive women on the arm of a unattractive guy? I see this quite often. Do you know why this happens? Women are very attracted to money and power. Women need security. They absolutely have to have security. What do I mean by this? Well, women need to feel protected and secure. So even if a guy is not exactly Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt,he can still attract very beautiful women if he has money. Men are quite different. Men are extremely physical creatures. Let me say this one more time. Men are extremely physical creatures. We are stimulated and attracted to the physical features of a woman upon initially meeting her. This is first and foremost. Women are attracted to physical features as well,but not with the same intensity that men are. Why is the sex industry one of the most lucrative industries in the world? Why do both married and single men frequent strip clubs? Why do most businesses position a pretty girl at the front desk? The answer is quite simple. As I stated before,men are stimulated by what we see. When we see a attractive women,the wheels instantly start turning. Some of the thoughts are quite provocative and will not be mentioned here,but you get the point. When a woman sees a attractive man,she notices more than just his looks. Women notice things like a man’s shoes and his watch. Some women would probably disagree with this. They will say that they are turned on by a man’s eyes or his smile. This is true,but the very first thing that a woman will inquire about when meeting a guy is “What do you do for a living?”. I’m definitely not applying that all women or materialistic,but the reality is that a huge percentage of women do base their dating decisions on some very superficial factors. There are women who are more concerned with what kind of car a man drives that how he treats his mother. This is just reality. So that’s the primary difference between the two genders. Men base their attraction on mostly “physical” attributes. Women look deeper into a man’s core values and his ability to provide them with a certain type of lifestyle. Now that we have established the primary difference between men and women,lets look at why the dating game gets very tricky at times. Okay,as I stated earlier,men love great sex. A huge majority of our thought process is centered around this very steamy topic. Men love sex just as much or more than women love shopping. So when a man very first meets a woman,guess what he’s focused on? Upon first meeting a woman,a man’s first thought is an immediate appreciation for her physical features. Ladies,the very first thing that a man notices about a woman is how attractive she is. That is the true bottom line. As men,we immediately begin to size a woman up once we meet her. If a man finds a woman physically attractive,then this is the first step in the pursuit of the chase. Whats the chase? The challenge for a man once he meets a woman that he is attracted to is to impress her or get her attention.. That’s where the game element comes into play. That’s why nightclubs and bars across America are always filled to capacity. These are the playgrounds for men and women who are hoping to find “something”. That something could be a variety of different things. Some people are looking for something serious. Some are already involved,but are still looking for more excitement. Some are truly hoping to find love or even marriage. The truth is,in the dating game,women tend to get hurt more. Why do women get crushed more then men? This goes back to the difference between men and women. The reality is that a huge portion of women are looking to find Mr. Right and settle down. Women are very family oriented. I have heard so many women brag about how long their parents or grandparents have been married.  “My grandparents have been married for forty years”,one woman told me. She was proud of this. The idea that two people could remain married for that long is indeed a accomplishment. In my opinion,women in the dating game seem to get the shorter end of the stick because initially their expectations are set quite high. Women must understand that commitment is not an easy task for the average guy. Most men find it hard to commit. When we are single,the dating pool is like a candy store. There are many options. We are free to explore as we wish. Most men go through a stage where we would like to “explore”. For many of us,this happens in our twenties,but there are always exceptions. Some men explore long beyond their twenties and find that they are constantly having to frequent that candystore that I mentioned earlier. I refer to the dating pool as a candystore for men because essentially that’s what it is. Men and women have a bit of different view on sex,dating,and relationships. Society frowns upon a woman who “plays the field” and engages in sexual flings with several men. Men,on the other hand,are labeled as “players” for doing the very same thing. There is definitely a double standard there. So women go into dating and relationships with expectations of finding a connection that leads to something long term. Women are seeking long term relationships that will inevitably lead to marriage. That’s what most women are seeking.One of the biggest obstacles that both men and women face in the dating game is finding someone that is real. When I say real,I mean that the words that came from their mouth are truly in alignment with their actions and who they actually are. This is especially true for women. The dating pool has become full of individuals that are looking to play games and be dishonest.Some women have given up up on the idea that there are still real men out there.There are  Internet dating sites have become the newest phenomenon for women that are looking for love and marriage. Women are seeking marriage and Mr. Right,while a big majority of men are still in the “playing” stage. That’s usually the scenario that a lot of single women are facing today. So when we talk about “game”,that’s what comes into play in the early stages of some relationships. When two people initially meet their are certain expectations. At this stage,a man is primarily focused on sex. Women are trying to access whether this person could be a “keeper” or not. Ladies,once you decide to have sex with a man,the relationship immediately changes. It may be a good idea to hold off on having sex in a new relationship for the first two months. Why do I say this? I say this because once a man has sex with a woman,he views the relationship differently. In the mind of a man,once you he goes to bed with a woman,the chasing stops and the situation turns into a “mission accomplished” type scenario. Relationships that start with a sexual undertone usually do not last. Even in the beginning stages of a relationship its  important that their is a solid attraction that goes beyond the bedroom. The problem that arises in most new relationships is that women don’t wait to have sex because they know that this is what is expected of them by men. When a woman starts to see a man as someone that she could really like,she immediately uses sex as a way of keeping him interested or keeping him around. Sex should be the “icing on the cake” in a relationship that is already productive in other areas. Is sex important? Sex is absolutely important in a good relationship and is probably one of the most important factors for most men. However,one of the quickest ways to sabotage a great “possible” relationship is by engaging in sexual activity to soon. This may sound confusing,so let me explain. If a woman is looking for a long term relationship or marriage,she must give a man a reason to settle down. Every man is capable of being “obtained”. The trick is,a woman has to level the playing field to truly catch Mr. Right. How does she do that? She must first understand what men want and why they behave the way that they do. All men are not dogs,but a man will treat a woman just how he she allows him to treat her. There are men who actually play on the kindness and emotions of vulnerable women. Why would a man do this? The answer is simple. Men play games because women allow them to to. A woman should never give a man the indication that she is able to be walked all over or is willing to accept disrespect. Remember that candystore that I mentioned earlier?  When a man finds one woman who possesses the qualities of all the women in the candystore,that’s the woman that he makes his wife. What does that mean? Well,men are in the candystore because they are hoping to find something. When a woman provides a man with something that he cannot find in that candystore,that man finds her irresistable. Just like women,men want to settle down too,but for men its usually a issue of timing . We feel that once we have tried very piece of candy and savored every flavor,that we should settle down. What women must understand is that their are ways to bring any man out of the candystore prematurely and keep him out of their for good. Every man is capable of being faithful. He just has to feel that what he has at home is not worth losing for the “temptations” he faces when he is out in public. What temptations am I referring too? There are some very attractive women out there. We must accept the realization that every man “looks” and appreciates an attractive woman. Women also look and admire men that they find attractive. Looking is apart of human nature. Men cheat because of several factors. First of all,their is the issue of sex. Some men cheat because the opportunity is there and they cannot exercise self control. If a woman is willing to make herself available to him sexually,he will take her up on the offer. The reality is,there are so many outlets to meet people now due to the dating sites,social networks,and so forth. The days of standing in long lines and waiting to get into nightclubs are diminishing. We now live in a day and age where “hooking up” can be a mere mouse click away. To the women that say “all men are dogs” I say that we should also hold many women accountable as well. Their are women who have no issue with becoming involved in relationships with men who are married or already in relationships. As I stated earlier,men are physical. We sometimes struggle with self control. When a man sees an attractive woman in the workplace anywhere for that matter,the wheels are turning. When we don’t exercise self control,is where the potential problem arises. Women can look at a man that they find attractive and continue about their business. Men have to do a double take. Its sometimes quite amusing to watch a group a men when a really attractive woman walks in their direction. Men will undoubtedly undress the woman with their eyes. Some men will even take it a step further and approach an attractive woman. In thirty seven years,I have witnessed countless numbers of men approach beautiful women in malls,nightclubs,or even while driving in their automobiles. Women don’t usually approach men as aggressively. So now we go back to the “game” aspect that I mentioned earlier. Once a man approaches a woman,the clock is ticking. He has to hold her attention. He has to say something to break the ice or at least make her comfortable. Usually,in a nightclub men will offer to buy a woman a drink. Unfortunately,many women have mastered the art of having guys buy them drinks. I have often watched a group of single ladies in the club who are dressed very sexy and provocative.
Men will constantly buy these ladies drinks in an attempt to get the ladies attention. This goes back to what I mentioned earlier. Men feel that women are impressed by money so they try to appear as if they are “balling”. Whats balling? “Balling” is a street term that simply means “having a lot of money or nice things”. Entertainers,rappers,pro athletes,or basically individuals that represent “wealth”,are usually placed in this category. This is apart of the game that I spoke about. Men feel that by impressing a woman by whatever means this is the path that he must take to get into her bedroom. So lets break down the “game” portion step by step. This is where expectations are first set and the outline for a potential connection happens. Most men are skeptical about approaching women for fear of rejection. Some women appear “unapproachable” so men don’t bother attempting to get their attention. I’ve heard mean label some women as “stuck-up”. I don’t believe that the women that these men are referring too are  “unapproachable” or even “stuck-up”. I think men have a fear of being rejected by a attractive woman. As a kid,my friends and I would go to the mall to see who could get the most telephone numbers from girls. There was always the girls who would “reject” our advances and not talk to us. As adults,the concept is still the same but we are just older. So men feel the need to have to sometimes exaggerate or even lie to gain a woman’s attention. Men will often tell a woman what she wants to hear in order to impress her. Why not just tell the truth? That’s a very good question. In fact,that’s the million dollar question that I cannot answer. That’s part of the game aspect to dating today. Many of the relationships are started with individuals being “dishonest” from day one. That’s why its important for women to ask all the right questions. There are certain behaviors that can indicate that someone is not be straightforward. This does not only apply to women,but men as well. One golden rule that should always be considered is that their is no positive outcome to getting involved with someone who is already involved. The very first question that should be asked upon meeting someone is “Are you single?”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking about their last relationship and why it did not work. A woman should never assume that just because a man is interested in her that he is definitely “single”. Ask him  if there are any past ex girlfriends or other women in the picture. These are questions that should be asked prior to getting involved in any type of intimate relationship. Older people down South would advise younger people to find a good husband or wife in the church. I don’t agree with this theory. Communication is the key to avoiding any potential dating and relationship hazards. Woman have something called a “woman’s instinct”. This is a gut feeling that women have when something is not quite right. Its very important to be very observant in the beginning stages of the relationship. Small things like “how often does a person’s  phone ring” can be very important. I’ve dated women whose telephone was constantly ringing. That can be quite a “turn-off” when you first meet someone. This is just one example a behavior that may seem “insignificant”,but its actually quite important. I am by no means implying that every woman should play the role of a private investigator upon meeting a man. What I am saying is that its important to notice certain behaviors in the early stages of a relationship before you become intimate and feelings are invested.  Another very important concern should be the kinds of friends that your “potential” mate has. The old saying is quite true. “Birds of a feather flock together”. Ladies,if you meet a man who has mostly single friends,that constantly frequent clubs and date several women,then the chances are that the man whom you met probably enjoys this lifestyle as well. You really can tell a lot by a person by the company that they keep. Don’t ever be afraid to inquire about your “potential” mate’s living arrangements either. A man that lives alone should have no problem with his woman stopping by without calling. This is one of the “tell tell” signs as to whether a man is being straightforward with you. If he has an issue with you coming by “unannounced” this may be a reason to be concerned. This does not necessarily mean that he is hiding something,but its definitely worth investigating. Always follow your intuition. Never allow your feelings for someone to interfere with your common sense. A huge majority of the mistakes that women make in regards to men have to do with them allowing themselves to base their decisions around their emotions in lieu of using  good sound judgement. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck,then its probably a duck.I have often heard women ask “Where are all the good men?”. Every man has the potential to be a good man,but women must first learn to demand that men come correct and give them the true respect that they deserve as women. I truly believe that most women don’t know their true value. A man will never respect a woman who allows herself to be his “option”. A relationship has to be “all” or “nothing at all”. In reality,some men will always want to have their cake and eat it too. As stated earlier,every man goes through a “player” type of stage until he learns to appreciate “quality” over “quantity”. The very first step in women gaining some real leverage in the dating game is first realizing that they have value. Women must realize that they do have value and that in order to be treated with respect,they must set the bar high. Narrow down the dating pool into men that are “datable” and the men that you would not “date”. Every woman should have certain criteria that a man must meet before he is allowed to even make it to the playing field,much less first base. Some men are simply not at a point in their life where they are bringing anything of substance to a relationship. These men are not capable of being in a productive relationship because they do not have their priorities together. In order for a man to contribute to a relationship,he must be at a certain point financially, emotionally,and in other aspects of his life.. A man who is financially unstable is not looking for a mate or a partner. There is a good chance that he is looking to be taken cared of. One thing a woman does not want to do is play the role of a man’s mother. Some men just simply don’t have their situation together. I definitely believe that their is something to be said for someone who works hard and is responsible. Pursuing a relationship with someone who has no direction or goals pertaining to the future is a potential pitfall. This goes back to “settling”. Its important to find someone that is on the same page with you as far as goals,priorities,and direction. I’ve often heard women talk about the fact that she broke up with a man because he wouldn’t work. My question in that scenario would be “Was this gentleman employed when you met him?”. What we have to accept is that its a very hard process to actually change someone. Some women often pursue the “fixer-upper” type of man. These women believe that they can inevitably change a man and transform him into the type of man that they want.  This is usually unsuccessful.
Mr. Right is probably not the guy that you have to transform. “Fixer-uppers” may be quite lucrative as real estate,but probably not a good idea in a relationship. Something else that I want to touch on is perception. Perception is very important. Ladies,if a man meets you in a club,he automatically concludes that you are “looking” for something. In his mind,you are looking to “hookup”. Although you came to just dance and hangout with your girlfriends,a man’s perception of a woman in a nightclub is that she is “looking” for a hookup. Whether this is true or false,that’s the perception. If you are looking for a long term relationship or something more serious,its probably not a good idea to try to find your future husband in the club. He’s probably not there.
When a woman carries herself like a woman this is how she will be treated. Women must always represent themselves as “ladies”,if they expect to be treated as such. A woman’s demeanor says a lot about how character and who she actually is. If a woman carries herself with class,then that’s the type of man that she attracts.
Boys vs. Men
A real woman deserves a real man,not a boy.Lets make sure that we understand the difference. A real man is a “one woman” man,and he understands that his woman needs more than “occasional” appreciation. She needs to feel like a queen every minute,and every second of the day. Women must demand that any man who comes into her life must have a knowledge of the basics of a relationship. Respect,communication,and commitment are those basics. Boys want to go to the bedroom from day one. A man realizes that their are certain things that are expected of him in a relationship and that he is not just automatically entitled. Women must feel appreciated and valued before they just give their all to a man.  A relationship has to be a 50/50 arrangement. The “My Way Or The Highway” type of thinking never works and is almost certain to cause conflict. Compromise is essential. If a woman takes the time to cook dinner,then the man should do the dishes. These types of issues seem irrelevant,but its the principal. A woman should never put her life on hold or allow someone to string her along while he decides “if” or “when” he wants you to be apart of his life. This is usually the case when a woman gets involved in a relationship with a man who is not sure of who he is or where he is headed. That’s one primary difference between boys and men. Boys are “uncertain” and “unstable” A man is decisive and knows exactly what he wants. Its important that women do not allow themselves to become tangled in a boy’s plan. A woman must realize that she deserves more than just sex or fitting into a man’s agenda. You deserve the world ladies.That entails honesty,commitment,respect,and security on all levels. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. As many women have learned,the dating pool is saturated with men who refuse to step up to the plate and be real men. A man understands that standards are in place for a reason. Once a woman relaxes or lower her standards,then some men tend to take advantage of this. If a woman goes out to dinner with a  man,he realizes that he must pickup the check. Men understand this. Men understand that a woman is entitled to be treated like a “woman”. She deserves to have a man pull out her chair for her or open the door for her. Unfortunately,women have lowered their standards because they feel that they are setting the bar too high by expecting men to do these kinds of things. Women must not be afraid to speak their minds and tell a man exactly what she expects. If he truly wants to be in your life,he wont “disappear” because she expect to be treated like a lady. Commitment and marriage are words that men sometimes shy away from.  A man feels like once he settles down with one woman,he is giving up that great big party that’s going on somewhere. I’ve heard marriage be referred to as “lockdown” by some men. I actually find this quite funny. Men view marriage like a kid views leaving the “playground”. The party is over and now I have to go home and be a good boy. The truth of the matter is that a relationship is what you make it. If women would make men come correct,then that’s what men would do. During the times when our parents and grandparents dated,things were indeed very different. A man had to actually court a woman. He had to prove that he had some sense,before I woman would allow him to get to 1st base. If he played his cards right,the woman might let him have a kiss after the first couple of dates. The problem with relationships today is that women are allowing men to move too fast. Women are afraid that if they don’t give up the “goods”  in a timely fashion,that a man will pull a “disappearing “ act. Speaking from a male perspective,I can see why that would be a concern. As I stated earlier,men definitely put a time limit on sex when we first meet a woman. We have got to have it like “yesterday”. I encourage women to make a man prove himself. If you truly wants the milk,then he wont mind catering to the cow a little bit. No matter what a man tells you ladies,if you let him into your bedroom too quickly,he has labeled you.Chances are you will become more of a  “sex” item than someone that he chooses to pursue something deeper with. Think about this for a second ladies. When you are “hungry”,you want to eat something,right? After you eat and get full,you are okay for awhile until you get hungry again.This is very similar to the way that men think and operate. A lot of men in the dating pool are just looking to get full. They come across a nice prospect that looks good. Once you allow them to eat and get full,then they are okay for awhile. The next time they get hungry,then they may want to try something else on the menu. Everything looks so great and delicious,so men want to try a few different items before they choose which one that they will order on a regular basis. I use this analogy because it represents the thought process of men in the dating pool. The best advice that I can offer a woman that is looking for that special guy is to not be that easy option that he can just turn to when he gets hungry.  If you make him work for you once he actually gets you,there is a certain appreciation that he will have for you. He will also respect the fact that you did not come easy,so he will consider himself special. Its almost like winning a prize. Remember ladies,just because a boy reaches a certain age,this is not what deems him as a man. A man is defined by his level of maturity and his willingness to accept responsibility. Some of these women that are screaming “All men are dogs”,are not actually encountering men. These women were obviously involved with grown boys who did not recognize and appreciate them as women. However,a woman should carry herself like a woman. If you represent yourself in a manner that does not represent yourself as a “lady” then men will not respect you as such.


The Sports & Love Connection
Most men love sports. That’s no secret. A woman that loves sports and understands them are that much more attractive to a man. There is absolutely nothing better for a man than having a ice cold beer and rooting for his favorite team. So whats even more exciting is having his lady beside him while he enjoys the game. It might not be a bad idea to know a little bit about sports ladies. Maybe something as simple as knowing what the difference between a touchdown and a field goal ,could be helpful. There is something very sexy about a woman in a NFL or NBA jersey for sure.Men spend a huge portion of their time watching sports. If you asked most men what their favorite television channel is,I’m sure ESPN would pop up a few times. Sports is just one of those things that men love. Somewhere between his car,cold beer,and his woman,a man has got to have his sports.

Know Your Value
A woman that is not aware of her true value is destined for disappointment in the dating game. The problem with not knowing your worth is that you are willing to accept whatever someone chooses to dish out. No woman should ever allow herself to simply be a option or a “convenience” for a man. Low self esteem is the root cause for a lot of the poor decisions that women make in regards to men. A huge majority of women feel as if they need a man in their life to define them as a woman. This is a huge misconception. If there are no standards or guidelines set forward in a relationship,then men view this as an opportunity to really “act a fool”.Every woman has value. Every woman has beauty. Until women realize this,men will continue to capitalize off of there low self esteem and lack of true self worth. If a man does not treat you with respect and appreciation,then he does not realize your self worth and your value as a woman. Women must start to tell themselves that they are queens. Queens deserve kings. The first step in knowing your worth is speaking it into existence. Walk over to the nearest mirror and take a look at yourself. Do you see that beautiful woman staring back at you? This beautiful woman is a priority and is never going to be just an option. Say these words “I am not an option. I am a priority”. Don’t just say these words. You have to  believe them. No matter how strong a man is ,he is powerless without a good woman. Guess what ladies? You have power. You have a few key components that every man must have. That first component is your love. Every man craves the real genuine love of a woman. He needs a woman to make him feel like a man. Believe it or not ladies,a woman gives a man validation to some degree. The first woman that every man usually knows is his mother. This is his idea of what a true woman should be. She nurtures and cares for him when he is a child. He forms his views and perception of a woman by observing the woman that gave him birth. This is one of the primary reasons that I feel that women need to make men more accountable.  As young men,we watch the way that our fathers or other men treat our mothers. This permanently forms a imprint in our heads as to the value of a woman and how she should be treated.  Its okay to cut the strings if someone is dragging you down. The first step is realizing that you are “quality” and anyone that makes you feel like anything less,does not deserve you. Sometimes we must eliminate those “toxins” in our lives that continue to disrupt and prevent our happiness. One of the truest statements ever made is that we can do bad all by ourselves. We don’t need anyone else to help us do bad. I can remember a woman once telling me that she loved this man so much,but he never told her how he felt about her. She said that she knew that he loved her but he just did not know how to say it. I explained to her that the word “love” in an adjective. An adjective is a action word. When you love someone you show them you love them and you don’t mind saying it. A lot of men,including myself,have a difficult time expressing their feelings. Men learn at a early age that they have to be tough and that men are just supposed to be macho. That’s why we often try to play this hard role when it comes to the women in our lives. Women on the other hand need to know what men are thinking. That’s why they always stare at there man and ask “What are you thinking?”. Basically women need confirmation that they mean something to us and that we are thinking about them. A woman’s value and beauty far exceeds her physical beauty. Her true value is defined by whats on the inside.











When  i decided to write  “Men Got Game....So Ladies Learn To Play”  I did not want to call men out or make them feel as though I was bashing them. The truth of the matter is that I am a man who has played a few of these games myself,and that’s why I felt the need to educate women on this topic from a male perspective. In my opinion,dating in relationships in 2010 has became much a “ game” and  as in any “game”,the best defense is a good offense. So this book will give women and even men the proper tools and “mindset” to level the playing field in the sometimes dirty game of finding true love.





The Power Of The “Honey”
Every woman has something that all men desire. For the purposes of this book we will call it the “honey”. The “honey” symbolizes the “sex organ” that every women possesses.. Some women truly don’t recognize  the true power of the “honey”. Truth be told,if more women recognized the true power of the “honey” then women would probably make men wait before having sex. When a man approaches a woman for the first time,he’s got one thing on his mind. He is trying to quickly figure out how he can most quickly  get a sample of the “honey”. What women must understand is that in the mind of a man,very few things take priority over the “honey”. When a man meets you,that’s his primary focus. Women don’t seem to understand this sometimes. The initial interest for a man is the “honey”. When a men romances a woman,takes her out to dinner,or buys her flowers, he definitely is trying to earn brownie points. He wants the “honey”. Men are not overly complicated beings. In fact,men are relatively simple to understand. A man wants a woman that will treat him like a man. This means supporting him and stroking his ego on occasion. Every man wants to feel like the king of his castle. He needs to be assured that his woman is definitely in his corner. The old cliche is quite true. If a woman can please a man in the kitchen and in the bedroom,he really has no reason to look elsewhere. Problems arise primarily when there is a “void” in the bedroom. This is one of the primary reasons why men in relationships and married men choose to go looking elsewhere for sexual gratification. The truth be told,most men want a woman who is very open-minded in the bedroom. Rapper Tupac described the kind of women most men want in the song “Run Tha Streetz” when he said “Must be a lady in the light but real freaky in the dark”. This was probably one of the truest statements ever. Men want mind-blowing sex in the bedroom. When the sexual “sparks” die in a relationship or marriage,then we go looking elsewhere.So there it is ladies. You have to make sure that your man is satisfied in the bedroom. This is one of the most most important components to a relationship. Never be afraid to try something different to keep that spark going. Often times people tend to become very lazy  and complacent in relationships. We adapt the thinking that once we already have someone,that we no longer have to put forth the effort to keep them satisfied. The bottom line is if we don’t take care of business at home,our significant other or spouse will look elsewhere. That’s just the bottom line. So ladies,the next time that a man ask you out to dinner or compliments you,just remember that in the back of his mind,he wants that “honey”. Men often complain that once the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship is over,that women tend to become “complacent. They start to adapt the attitude that they have already “captured” their guy,so why should they continue to have to keep him “hooked”. Ladies,you must never stop being sexy for your man. The reason that he is your man is because when he met you he saw something in you that made him want to get to know you better. You reeled him in. Yo probably pulled out all the stops to make him your man. You probably gave him some really good sex and cooked his favorite meal a few times. Men like to have their ego stroked. So you probably stroked his quite well. So now that you have him,why did you stop? How does a woman go from sexy Victoria Secret lingere and heels to adidas sweatpants and a sweatshirt with your college “alma mater” on it? That’s not a good look .Women must always keep in mind that as men we are stimulated by what we see. The “visual” is what turns us on and stimulates us. If you want your man to come home and make wild passionate love to you,then give the man a little bit of motivation.  Some nice sexy lingere and heels will always do the trick. Thongs are so much more sexy than the granny panties ladies. Women must always remember that your man sees beautiful women everyday. Your man sees beautiful women every time he steps out the door. Remember this ladies. You have to continue to give your man a reason to come home to you and not become distracted by the hot women that he always sees on his way to work. How do you do this? The same things that you did to get your man,you have to do in order to keep him.Keep it very sexy and spicy in the bedroom. Men also love a woman that has some skills in the kitchen. Every man has the sense to know that not every woman is a good cook. Some women just don’t have that  knack. A woman that is able to whip up a nice delicious meal definitely gets brownie points with most men. Above all else,remember one very important fact. Men love sex. Men absolutely have to have it. The absolutely best way for a woman to avoid her man cheating or looking “elsewhere” for sexual gratification,is to be open-minded and adventurous in the bedroom. I truly don’t believe that most women have a true understanding of how men crave the “honey”.  Wars have been fought and lives have been lost in the pursuit of this very thing. SEX IS WHAT MEN THINK ABOUT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

Deal Breakers
Listen up ladies. This is very important. “Deal-breakers” are those “flaws” in a man that you simply will not tolerate. Their are no exceptions to this rule. It is very important that in  your search for Mr. Right,that you do not settle. Set your standards high. A man should be bringing something more to the table than just some good sex and bad credit. This sounds funny,but
if a woman does not set her standards high,she will continue to go through the same cycle of “temporary” men repeatedly. Its the truth. You know the routine ladies. You meet someone. There is chemistry. Shortly after that,you have sex. A few months down the road you discover that the man you met is not who you thought he was.The two of you are lying in bed one day and you are staring at him thinking: “This is not the man I  thought I was getting”.Maybe you did not realize that he had several kids by more than one woman or that he spent a few years incarcerated. Ladies,you have to draw the line somewhere. There has to be qualities in a man that you are totally not willing to accept,no matter what the circumstances are. This advice also applies to men. One major downfall in relationships is that people tend to settle. We  lower our standards for a variety of different reasons. Sometimes we try to overlook certain “flaws” in a person because they have a few qualities that we do find attractive. The problem with not setting our standards high is that when we accept certain types of behaviors,we give the impression that we don’t have a real “backbone”. If a woman allows a man to do whatever he likes,then that’s exactly what he will continue to do. When I say that a man should bring something to the table,I am speaking of financially and in other aspects as well. I am always in awe at the number of women who make themselves available to a man and ask for so little in return. This is the primary reason that men will not do right. Women don’t demand that men earn the “honey”. It is of vital importance that you know exactly who you are getting involved with a new relationship. Often times we place more focus on the outside(physical appearance) than on the inside(values,good heart). Lay all deal breakers and expectations on the table from day one. This will help to avoid any deep dark secrets in the future. There are times in as relationship when it may be appropriate to give a man an “ultimatum”.










What makes a man want to to pop the question? How can a woman go from being the girlfriend to the wife? First of all,every woman is not wife material. Every man is not husband material. There are attractive women who men would love go to bed with,but this does not mean that he would put a ring on her finger. When men decide to settle down and get married,they have usually grown tired of playing the dating game. Just remember,not only men play their share of games,but there are women who play games too. This is what makes dating a “game”. People will lie to get what they want. At some point everyone has been “burned” in the pursuit of love. This simply means that we have all fallen prey to lies or deceit. 





Submitted: September 20, 2010

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