White On Black

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: November 07, 2016

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Submitted: November 07, 2016



White On Black


When I said I would always be there for you, I meant it. When I told you that you were special, I meant it. When you said the same back to me I thought that you meant it too and I believed you. More fool me! How could I have allowed myself to be taken in by your lies.


When you turned away from me I wanted to beg you to stay; to plead with you to think of what you were doing. I didn’t say a word but watched as you turned and walked away, taking my heart with you. I stared dumbly as you tossed my heart on the ground and stamped on it hard, ground it underfoot. The pain was unendurable but it didn’t last; no heart – no heartache.


You left me numb, unfeeling, an empty shell. With your departure my world turned to blackness, a void of nothing. No sensation, no feelings, an emotional desert; that is what you made me.


Day after day I existed. But that was all. Others laughed, enjoyed the heat and warmth of the sun while I felt nothing more than a cold, bleak blackness. Each morning I woke up to desolation. You did not want me any more, and I did not want myself.


The weeks and months passed and still I dwelt in darkness. The temperature started to fall, and the nights drew in more swiftly. It made no difference to me. I huddled up in my despair, trying to hide the vacancy that you had made where my heart should have been. Everybody had given up trying to reach me weeks ago but it made no impact on me.


The snow began to fall early and once it started it did not want to stop. I stood at the window and watched the whiteness cover more and more of the ground. Others dressed in thicker layers, warmer clothes but I did not feel the cold. Sometimes someone would place a coat on my shoulders, or wrap me in a blanket. I was oblivious, frozen since the moment you had decided to walk away.


The snow continued to fall from a sky of pale grey. Icicles hung from the gutters and the ground became treacherous, slippery under foot. Deeper and deeper the white blanket became, transfixing me with its brilliance. It became my white on black, beckoning me, calling me; but I waited, resisted it’s call.


The snow now lay so thick, deeper than anyone could recall it ever having done before. I opened the door and walked outside, no coat, no boots. I should have been frozen but I did not feel a thing. I took one step then another, carefully heading in the opposite direction to the one that you had left towards. I did not see my skin change color from purple to blue to white.


Did anybody call me back? I do not know. If they did I did not hear, did not respond. I kept walking and walking until I found the perfect blanket. Unmarked, untouched and so inviting. I laid down and let its softness embrace me until I felt the blackness being slowly replaced by white. For a moment I allowed myself to stare up into the grey sky to look at the white flakes that were again drifting down towards me. And then I closed my eyes and let the soft white snow envelop me.


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