Hello,Doctor.Thank you so much for seeing me today.Excuse me for being nervous.It's just that I had never been in the office of an actual psychiatrist's office before.Oh,no thanks.I don't want a drink of water right now.Maybe later.Okay,you want me to tell you about myself.
No problem.First,my name is Goldie Jane Locke.And ever since I was about four or five,I had ran over to my parents and told them that I had seen some stranger with totally shiny golden hair in the bathroom mirror which had made my mother place her hands on my cheeks,smiled and said,"Oooohhhh,Sweetie.That only means that you are a special little girl."
And it was because of those words that I had decided to not let those other kids get me down.And yes,that includes the assholes who had kept on calling me 'Goldilocks' while I was in high school.Anyway,after I had graduated from college and moved myself to New York City,I had became lucky enough to get a job at one of the many modeling agencies in Manhattan.
I know what you are thinking,Doctor.You are thinking that I should be a model instead of a secretary.Well,you really are right about that because one of the executives had walked up to me,given me a good looking at with his own eyes and said,"Well,it's true that you are no Tiffany Fallon.But if you could grace my own eyes with your beauty,ten to one ondds you would be able to grace the cover of Playboy Magazine one of these days."
And in case you were wondering about how the whole interview had really gone,let's just say that you are now reading the words of a newfound and successful who had graced the covers of many magazines including the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
But to get back to why I am here to see you,it was on the very first day of May which happens to be the birthday of a certain magazine's December 2004 Playmate Of The Month that I had decided to get out of my apartment and go for a little jog around Central Park.
Now,Doctor.I know that what I am about to tell you might sound like it had came from an episode of The Twilight Zone.But it had really happened.You see,I was jogging around the park and minding my own business when some guy who I had noticed to be a total octopus just by looking at him had started jogging towards me.
That had caused me to start running backwards in order to get away from him.But the only problem with that idea was that I had been unable to see where I was going.That's right,Doctor.I had hit the back of my head on a wall of some arch and became unconscious.
That was before I had finally opened my eyes and discovered that I was wearing this dress that some little girls would wear on Halloween when they go out Trick Or Treating and the only thing that was missing was the mask.And just as I was about to try to come up with an answer for what was happening to me,I had detected the smell of something good to eat.
And when I had followed that scent to some cottage,I had stepped inside and looked around to make that noone was home before I had gone into the kitchen and noticed three bowls of porridge on a large table.Of course,I had tasted the first bowl of porridge,only to discover that it was too hot.
That had made me figure that I might have better luck with the second bowl of porridge,only to discover that it was too cold.But the porridge in the last bowl was just right and made me want to sit myself down and have some breakfast.But after I had tried all three of the chairs--the first being too hard,the second being too soft and the third being just right--and gobbled up every last bite of the porridge in that one bowl,I had accidentally broken the third chair.
And I had wanted to leave a note with the phone number of my insurance company.But instead of that idea,I had let out a yawn and suddenly felt sleepy,only to have me realize that I had somehow transported myself into some Grimm's Fairy Tale type of place and needed to protect myself with something.
And so,after I had grabbed hold of a large pot,I had gone up the stairs and into a room that happens to have three beds in it.The first bed was too hard and the second one was too soft.But the third was just right enough for me to close my eyes and fall asleep on.
But while I was snoozing away on that one bed,I was unaware that the original owners of that one cottage had came home from their little walk and that they were a family of bears.There was a father bear,a mother bear and a baby bear.And as soon as they had discovered that someone had tasted two of the three bowls of porridge and finished up the last one and broken the one chair of the poor little baby bear,they were in the process of becoming upset over the whole thing.
That was before all three of those bears had came up the stairs,checked all three of them and found me in the third one which had made me realize that I had better get my ass out of there before they get the chance to eat me for their lunch.
Thankfully enough,I had remembered that I still had that one pot with me.And as soon as those three bears had came close enough,I had swung that pot as hard as I was able to and banged the shit out of the father bear before I had gotten myself off the bed and out of that cottage.
And let me tell you right now that I was so scared out of my mind that I had kept right on going just before I had turned around to make sure that they were not following me.That had made me hit this one big tree and get knocked out cold.But that was before I had heard a beeping sound which had made me open my eyes and discover that I was inside the emergency room of a hospital back in New York City.
Now don't get me wrong,Doctor.I really am glad to be here in the real world where I belong.It's just that I am now having some difficulty in knowing who I really am.I mean,am I Goldie Jane Locke--the one model who has a successful career and lives in a Manhattan aprtment--or am I the girl from the fairy tales known as Goldilocks?Please tell me,Doctor!I really need to know!
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