No Denying

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A girl coming to terms with her feelings.

Submitted: April 02, 2015

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Submitted: April 02, 2015

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I don't like him.

I don't think I do at least.

I mean we're just friends anyway.

And it's always been that way.

Right?

My mind races with confusion as I sit outside on my porch contemplating. Everyone has those days right?

I gaze out to the open area. In my backyard, there is a pool and just beyond it, a canal. The sky is baby blue and tinted yellow in the distance. Everything is still. The only thing that can be heard is the faint sounds of our neighbors next door. Slightly the wind brushes and dances with the branches of the trees. And ever so silently, the noise of a song I have on replay.

My eyes fix on the sky. Is it normal to think of my best friend more than normal? Is it even right to think about him in the way I have been recently? I know this has crossed my mind more than once the past few years of knowing him, but now, it has become more consistent and regular as we've both aged together. I’ve grown up together with him. We’ve had our fun and differences and experiences. We practically fight like siblings but then we always find a way to make up. And then there are those time he pisses me off for no reason!

I rest my head in the palm of my hand and propped my elbow on the table. I gently close my eyes, picturing the two of us together. But, I always came around. I would try to be mad, but then he would do something stupid like mess with my computer during Spanish and then I would forget why I was so upset.

I take a breath. Those bus rides. Those annoying classes where the teacher placed us near each other. Those fun class changes when we kicked each other's backpack for absolutely no reason at all. Those times when I tried to get him to ask the girl he liked to Homecoming but failed. That birthday I forgot about one year and ended up buying him a poptart. He doesn't even like poptarts either.

I laugh to myself. I never thought of him like I do now, but I always told myself that it was apart of being better friends. I remember when I was helping set up for an event once, not knowing he was going to be there. And all of a sudden, he walks over to help set something else up. And the moment I look up, he's there and it's like my world froze. I saw him in a completely new light; it wasn't anything I've ever seen from him ever. He was all dressed up in a suit. His ash brown hair wasn't messy like normal, but brushed up and neatly arranged in a sophisticated manner. But his eyes are what I really noticed most of all. Had they always been that pretty, washed out greyish-blue that shined in the sunlight? Had he always looked so muscular and handsome? Had his big hands always looked to warm and comforting? What I didn't realize till after seeing him and having him see me was that I was smiling the whole time. I didn't even notice how happy he made me. Everytime I saw him. Everytime our eyes met. Everytime he smiled and I smiled back. Everytime he laughed and I laughed with him. Every time I looked up and he was there, as if he was meant to be there the minute I look up or down or side to side. He always has a way of letting my eyes find him, like they wanted to find him. What's wrong with me?  

I sigh. I've gotten so nervous recently too. I'm nervous to talk to him. I always worry about what I look like and make sure that I look approachable and somewhat okay. I've been hoping that he's been looking at me more and more. I'm always looking to see if he's watching me or staring. And I get excited when he does.

A smile forms on my lips. He's so weird. No...he's unique. Unlike any guy I've ever met or been friends with before. I'm not open to many people. I'm actually really quiet even though I appear outgoing. I'm not an attention seeker of any sort. I've had a hard time trusting anyone, especially guys, from my past. But, for some reason, I just know I can trust him. I've shown him the real me. He must be really special to me. I can't believe I'm realizing this now. 

My eyes soften. Maybe, just maybe, I've fallen for him. On my own. Without any pressure from anyone. Without a matchmaker. Without forcing it. Without convinving myself to like him because he's attractive. But I willingly fell in love with him for who he really is.

I feel relief fill my mind and satisfaction and clarify come along with it. I look up to the sky. There's no denying anymore.

I cover my mouth in order to stop the blushing, smiling sensation. 

I love him.


© Copyright 2017 Hyuna. All rights reserved.

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