Can you hear me Mum ?
Reads: 206 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 10
Short Story by: i.Reem
It has been three years! Three years since you have gone Mum. Believe me it was about 30 years. I don’t know from where I got the strength! I don’t know how I handled it or how I’m still handling it.
Would you please tell me how can I go on without you? How can I live as a normal girl?
As before Mum.
When you were here . .
Adam, Leila and I, we all transfer our pain into a piece of paper and then cut it so we relief our anger and sadness as u told as once to do Mum! We don’t even talk to each other about you! But I can notice the look in their eyes that says “we miss you Mum”.
They all lost the hope for your return, even Dad! He became so thin and I don’t remember how he looks like when he smiles. He lost his motivation and became old.
Mum you just left without telling us, without a sign! I’m the only one in this house who likes talking to you daily. I don’t think that there’s any work in this life can keep me away or busy from you. I feel that you can hear me; I can hear your laugh, see your smile and feel your hug!!
I really miss you Mum.
Sitting silently, watching through the window hopelessly. Hearing the beautiful sounds of the birds.
Suddenly, it is like I heard something! I quickly turned my face and everything was normal. I continued watching through the window and I was kind of scared. I was asking myself … what if?
I heard the same thing again; I did not turn my face. I prayed that I see what I wish to see. I slowly turned my face..
It is real
It
Is
Real
I did not do anything except watching your face Shockley. I couldn’t even move!
It is like someone hit me and I realized that I must do something!!
I ran towards you and shouted
DAD!
ADAM!
ANYONE PLEASE!!!
I held your soft and cold hand
I cried like a child!
Your mouth was moving like you wanted to say something
Your eyes were barely opened!
It is a miracle
I ran like a crazy person, I opened the door and ran downstairs to call dad!
He was in his office checking his currency collection.
I opened the door; I couldn’t stand and fell in the ground.
My dad threw his medical glasses
He held me and shouted what is going on!!
I was shacking and said
Mum is awake
He said “what did you say”?
I shouted “mum is awake dad!!!!”
He suddenly disappeared from my sight
I didn’t move
I remained laying on the ground
Thinking;
It has been 2 years since you left the hospital and came to our house.
Doctors told us that it is a clinical death; it means you can’t feel, hear or do anything and the chance to wake is 20%!
But I knew that they are wrong!! You are strong as I’ve always known!!
Suddenly, dad shouted calling us he was laughing and his face was full of tears.
I could hear Adam and Leila’s screams and laughs.
I remained laying with no movements
Extreme happiness
Full of hope
Bright tomorrow
Welcome back Mum
© Copyright 2017 i.Reem. All rights reserved.
Comments
Whoah so emotional...especially the part written with ALL CAPITAL :O is it based on true events?
Author
Reply
maybe yes, maybe no .. who knows *_^
thaaaanxx a lot sweety :*
Hi Reemo, thank you so much for inviting me to read your work... Here I go-
Ok, the opening paragraph is quite emotional. Yes, it is.
I would advice you to re-work on the 2nd para 1st line. Adam, leila,... That line.
That was top notch when you said that we're trying not to have dad. I can imagine the depression the step mom (or just a 'keep') has caused...
Ultimate twist. I was thinking that the mother stepped on you, but now wow! You're amazing Reemo...
As headoverheels said the caps part is awesome. I would went on to say that this is your best piece so far. Better than psyc's diary and secret box. Awesome Reemo... I love you, you're a great writer. I'm going to steal this same theme and would write a different story, ha ha. Am I wicked? Ha ha...
Check for the spelling mistakes dear. There were a few. But that doesn't reduce the power this story had.
Keep writing. Absolutely great... Kmu...
Author
Reply
Mmm actually i didn't get what you mean about the second pragraph ;p
but i want to explain that i meant that the step mum is trying to take the father away from his son and doughters..
and the Dad was careless and didn't care about the sick mother that he went to met another women!
that's why the girl said that that she's trying to not hate her Dad!
i don't know if i explained enough ;D
ouh Arun thanx a lot :)
This is so emotional it made me want to cry. We all lose people in life, and sometimes it seems as if the holes that were left behind, will never heal. I guess this teaches us, the world, to treasure those people that are irreplaceable. Beautiful writing, my friend. :D
Author
Reply
thank you Khano :), My new Friend ;p
This is a very emotional story. It would have been better if you had used the Enter key to indicate the second and subsequent paragraphs.
It was great relief to the three characters when they wrote about their pains. This is sometimes the kind of advice given to persons who need counseling ... write their feeling on paper or shout them out.
I personally do not like using ALL CAPS. It appears as if the person is shouting. Italic is preferable. ALL CAPS can be used sparingly.
When you write, it is useful to indicate something (summary) about the poem/story. You can check out the summary on a few pieces of my work or see Arun’s recent work, to understand what I mean.
I like the story.
Author
Reply
Thanx a lot Frank :)
i used the CAPS to show that she's shocked ^^
A sad but great story. Loved the twist how the Mum wasn't actually deceased but clinically dead and how everyone seemed to have moved on. I can understand how the girl would have hated her father for finding someone new. I am sure that's how I would have felt in similar circumstances when I was young. I would love this to go on and for the Mother to have a miraculous recovery, but I am always the dreamer lol. Loved the story and it gets my like it vote..... Pat
Author
Reply
ouh I'm sooo Glad that u like it (K)
thank you for commenting ^^
Great story! I loved it.
Author
Reply
thank you ;D
this is so emotional and personal that I feel I don't have the right to "comment" on it.
take care.
Author
Reply
thank you Footprints ^_*
:"( made me cry :"( ....
it was very emotional and sad :"( ...
soooo made me cry ....
you have done a great job expressing the story ... loved it ....
keep up the good work sweetheart ...
loved it !!!
Author
Reply
i feel great that i made u cry lol
thank you sooo much sweety (L)
Really emotional- you got them down well. It must be hard to see her dad move onto someone else. It seems personal, so I won't look too deeply into it. Good job :)
Author
Reply
Thank you so much for the lovely comment :D
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