THE SHADOW by MAYA

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's not done at all. This is just an idea, but i thought i should post it here for awhile just for me. Even if no one reads it, it's just for me. I feel like putting it on the internet is a big step, even if it means nothing to everyone else, to me it's important.

Submitted: February 04, 2015

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Submitted: February 04, 2015

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What is this life she thinks as she waits for the bus. It just seems like everything is going wrong. How come i think so much when i’m all alone, but as soon as someone comes I can’t think about anything. I feel so. No. I don’t have to feel. This is just another day, I’ll survive.

*Bus arrives. Gets in. Listens to music, looks outside.

(....)

Do you think there’s a God?

« Oh no another question, can’t I just go on with my life without all these questions seriously »

Why do you ask?

Well i don’t know, i want to know if you think there’s a god. I mean I do. Not like a guy who chooses everything for us, because.. Well you know how people have those different conspiracies about what happens after we die. Our afterlife. Well I am deeply convinced that after we die, we actually pass a new barrier of our lives, not like the Bible or heaven or whatever, more like we become something else. Not like reincarnation. I don’t believe in religions you know that.

But you still believe in God, and that there’s an afterlife or something.

Well God and religion is not the same thing.

Do we have to talk about it now? It’s 8am my brain is still off; I can’t start a debate right now.

(Why does he always have to be different?)

Yeah but see I’m different, like I can start an argument anywhere, and usually I’m right.

No dude you’re not right, you just annoy the shit out of people so they stop talking to you that’s all.

Whatever. I’ll ask Tim later we’ll see what he thinks.

It’s not because someone thinks like you that it means you’re right.

Yeah but Platoon said

Who cares what a dead Greek guy said 2 thousand years ago? Can’t you think for yourself? I’m not saying creating something that isn’t real, and making it your own, just listen to what people have to say, and either agree or disagree. But when we talk to you, first of all it’s always the same thing: you start a debate, saying what you think, and if we try to argue you say the same thing: “I heard what you said, I’m analyzing it, but I can’t agree” what’s the point. I won’t be able to change your mind, and I don’t want to give you the pleasure to say you’re right. It’s a never-ending conversation, so what’s the point? What do you want to prove?

You’re really not a morning person…

I guess I’m not.

-Okay people listen carefully, you’re gonna have an exam at the end of the week about WW2 and its consequences, it’ll be just 30 minutes it’s easy. See you on Friday, have a nice day.

I just want to go home.

What is going on with you today?

Nothing, I’m just tired

You’re not sleeping again?

Not tired. Sick. Sick of everything. And everyone. But that’s none of your business, I could talk right now you won’t even hear me, you’re too busy looking at that girl over there. Because I’m not interesting. I could tell you I sometimes wish it would all end because I just feel like I don’t fit in, like I never will, and I sometimes want to be the center of attention of at least one guy. I could tell you that I’m still not over the fact that you called me dude the other day. I might not be fat; I’m not girly enough for a guy to listen to me. I just an attraction, a game, someone you call when you’re bored because I’m fun. Well not today, and not with you. You haven’t been listening for more than 5 minutes now and I’m just talking alone. Bye

Sorry what were you saying?

Exactly. I think I’m going to go home, I don’t feel well.

That’s sad, feel better! Hey Ashley!

*She walks in the hall, getting to the door.

Hey Miss!

Yeah?

Yesterday I was going home when a guy started talking to me and told me he thought I was really handsome. He wanted my number and my address, it was so creepy.

OMG did you give him?

Well I almost did, because I thought it would be the only way he would leave me alone, but I got to get out of the train before he got the chance to write it down. It was so weird.

Hahaha I know it happens to me sometimes. I usually tell the guy I’m going to see my boyfriend, or that I’m 12 or something.

Haha do they believe you?

Well most of them leave me alone, but sometimes they really hang on real long until I have to start making other lies like I’m sick or something, it’s pretty fun actually.

Haha you’re crazy. Anyway did you hear about Scotland?

Yeah, it’s a shame.

A shame?! Not at all it’s better that way! They would’ve been in deep shit without England.

Well I don’t know, they wanted to be independent, maybe it’s time they do. I don’t see why Ireland could be independent and not Scotland.

Oh gosh you really are stupid. You don’t get anything.

I guess I must be. Gotta go.

Hey Scott!

*Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Gets on the bus, takes out a notebook; two full pages written with Stupid everywhere. One with a name. One big name.  THE SHADOW. They don’t know me. I might be stupid, ugly, not willing to debate at anytime, but at least I got over the fact that I will never be the smartest, hottest, or funniest girl. This person doesn’t exist. I’m just a shadow in this world. The world doesn’t need me as myself, I could be whatever I want, as long as I’m alive. Then why I am so important? Maybe because I figured this out, and I’m fine with it. Maybe it’s because I know it, and it doesn’t scare me or makes me depresses that I can say I’m different. Or maybe it just makes me a very sad person. I am a shadow. But I am okay with it, it doesn’t bother me. I’d rather accept it now than realize it in a few years, and have a midlife crisis. Does it make me stronger? Does it make me stranger? Nothing. I just exist.


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