again.. o happy day

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is no blah blahs.. this is sickness..

Submitted: January 14, 2014

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Submitted: January 14, 2014

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now, i have a glimpse or an idea of how she sees me. i think she cares for me.. i think. you know what, it happened again. we shared an evening together the other day. was i happy or what? i can't believe it happened ... again. 

we had a little drink that night. a couple of beers, but not enough to get us tipsy. she invited me a drink in their house, just to talk. she loves talking, we'll what can i expect she's  woman... hehehe. after an hour or 2 she asked to go out ang go to a karaoke bar, she loves to sing but i think the songs doesn't love her as she did love singing them, wahhahaha.... so we went...but it was a full night. there were plenty of people... damn i said to myself... fuck, wrong timing.. she was already enjoying herself, with my company, and it seems we have to cut the night short...

well, as i was walking her home... i kept thinking what or where else can we go to  be with her longer...she was still cheerly talking to me.. oh.. she was happy that night... then she grabbed my arm.. she never does that, and i thought, this is good.. as if she is mine to hold. so as my hands are feeling cold i mustered to ask her.."can we be tonight?, i miss you...".... she said no... fuck... we went silent.. after  a minute or two, she jokingly said that i ask her again. whoops... you know the feeling that your so down and given a glimpse of hope, when you can feel every hair in your body, every sensation of joy?? that's what i felt we she said that... of course i asked her again.

it was different this time, she asked me questions.. what ifs and what wills...i answered them... but i don't think she's contented. she was more open this time, she told me what she want and i obliged. it was like we were a couple. it came natural.... she even laughed at me. well enough of the details.. all in all ,, it was different because i felt she loves me.. i very much hope that that was it. but damn.. stop thinking... i was happy and i saw so was she. that was enough.... i love her, i told her that.. but still no reply.. no "i love you too".... fuck.. well at least we were together...

after that night. i thought, how long will this last. this relationship, if you can call it that. we both know this cannot last, but hell.. i will make it last as long as i can... i love her, .. how can a thing such as loving someonebe so wrong and be so hard? ... i'm in a very complicated situation..sometimes i think, i must stop this.. this isn't doing me any good...

but how can you stop loving someone? how can you say i don't care about her when all i think of is her, if she's alright, did she had a good day..when i see her sad, i always find  ways of making her happy... fuck i'm so love sick.. i want to hold her.. to own her... after all that has happened to us..how can you own, hold, love someone who wasn't yours to begin with?? it will be a very big mistake...oh fuck... at least, i think, she likes me at the most...  

this writing, makes me think.. and think... and think again...  i beginning to like doing this..an outlet where i can tell the world how much i love her... stupid fuck, i'm telling the world but were hiding it here... lol... stupid.. well what else matters?? none...

 


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