depression, frustration.. stress... is there no end to love sickness??

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
it's all boils down to this....

Submitted: February 21, 2014

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Submitted: February 21, 2014



i'm stressed out... this past few days.. been quite lonely, i've been going out doing stupid things trying to forget things.. problems..i've been trying to get away.. away from all of it. maybe its just hormone.. i don't know.. i am depressed. its like i'm looking for something but can't find it...

i'm feeling so lonely. it's like i don't have someone to talk to, no one seems to care. fuck this... i'm with this woman the other night.. she wasn't was the way i thought she would be. we were talking things sbout us.. but i was shocked to know that she uses drugs.. fuck.... well i didn't show my reaction.. but damn in my mind i was literally shocked...fuck this... then she told one time she went out with her friends and had a fucking gangbang .. fuck.. a foreigner and her two other girl friends..fuck.. i don't need this now...well i just listened..and thought..what the hell i'm doing with her...and thats it... i need to stop...

now....she.. i guess to my readers.. you know whose she is..we haven't talk for a day or two..i didn't see her for a day or two but it felt like i haven't seen her for weeks.. and she told.. she's moving with her sister, it's not htat far away.. aroung 15 mins drive but it feels like it's on hte other side of the continent... fuck...but she still be coming home once a week.. damn that's too long. well i can't tel to stay.. besides she has nothing to do here.. maybe its for her best.. but she will still study she said.. that's nice..but i will miss her terribly... fuck...

i asked her how about us.. what will become of us.. she said that that's it it ended.. now to add to my depression... fucking cunt.....too insensitive..but hell maybe it's for the better.. but i'll try to change her mind..i'll i'm all so down.. and after few weeks of happiness here i am again typing my bullshits because i'm again sad. sad fuck the word sad.. is there another lvl of sadness?? if there is i'm on the highest lvl....hehehe.. i'm like a kid blabbering my frustrations...

well the good thing maybe is i'm about to get married..if that is a good thing...i don't want to talk abou my upcoming marraige.. i'm just not too keen on that..

she smiled at me..i thought i might have a chance of changing her mind.... heheh.. maybe a false hope. but needs to be tried or i'll be damned... wahhahaha. you know what.. as i'm typing these she is quietly reading this.. don't know how she would react.. but i hope it might change her mind a bit.. nyhahaha

i have a lot more to say.. but i guess this is long enough...i don't if this is pathetic but can you blame me for holding on to someone who i care for but doen't in return? ah... damn it..the helll... if it's a way i can hold on to her longer.. why not? you find someone you love  only sometimes.. not always but not also once... but sometimes almost never.. if you let go what the fuck right?? who cares... just go for it.. .. i love her.. that's all that matters.... right?????????

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