love or stupidity.. really?? choose....

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

just letting out some steam...fuck

it's been days since i last did this...weeks even?? i'm not sure. well it's about my mumblins again, and of course about her... again.. we've been secrets lovers for a month now..maybe.. i'm not sure.. does it really matter? the date? the number of days with been secretly seeing each other.. i don't tink so..all that matters is she accepted me... hehehe... 

now, i'm not that love sick anymore.. don't get me wrong, its not that i love her less. it's because she's mine, secretly.. damn..secretly.. i can't even express my self to her in public,, but what the heck.. at least were together,,, secretly... fuck.. i'm beginning to hate that word...secretly....shit...

but i know she doesn't see me as i see her... to her i think.. this is just a game, a pass at boredom... maybe even to get some steam off her...wahahha... or she knows that i care that much for her , that she is comfortble when i'm around.. that she need not worry... but i don't think she cares for me.. sad, but true....i need to be true to this memoir or arcticle i'm writing .. stuff that i can be honest about... i think, i cannot really know,, i'm hoping that its not that, but i think she agreed to our affair because..... she need me, financially.. fuck this i'm her sweet middle aged, sugar daddy... fuck it... it hurts just typing it.. but that is what i think it is...shit...

and i'm the fucking stupid guy who is so fuckin love her and will do anything for her knowing she really doesn't like me... fuck it.. ah the hell.. if this is the only way to have her so be it..fuck

can you blame me?? if you meet one day you meet someone you love,, you loved them for years is there anything you won't do to have them? to be loved by them?? i'm no fuckin martyr or anything.. it's just i love that ... b***...  gurl.... too much... fuck....

i have to stop this,,  but i can't...help someone.. what can i do?? i don't want to loose her.. fuck.. some advice will help... shit.. i love her... that's all that matters........................ am i needy??


Submitted: January 27, 2014

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Comments

Samantha Wellings

This sounds sweet, but obviously not for you. If you really wanted advice, shouldn't you follow your heart? No, you aren't needy for wanting love. It's what all humans crave while on Earth. We are all unique, yet want the same thing--to be excepted and loved. Many of us don't achieve this goal but at one point in our lives, we will feel satisfied. Am i right?

Tue, February 4th, 2014 4:57pm

Author
Reply

thank you for your comment...
yes, i wanted advice, maybe need one... you say to follow my heart?? well i'm following it, and am happy... not really really happy but i am...
anyway, i am most grateful for your comment, at least a few people understands and care enough to comment on my mumblings...
thank you a lot... thank you.

Fri, February 7th, 2014 4:52pm

Criss Sole

You want and need what we all want and need, and that is love. But you don't seem to be getting it from her. The relationship seems to be very one sided. You love her, but don't seem to be getting what you give. I really wish you the very best, and hope this all changes for the better. And soon!

Thu, February 6th, 2014 4:13pm

Author
Reply

hi, thank you for reading and understanding what i wrote. i'm very happy someone took notice of my mumblings. really.. thank you...
it may be one sided..and am stupid.....
heck.. your right, i do hope this changes for the best..
thank you a lot.

Fri, February 7th, 2014 4:46pm

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