Morning Musings : November 13, 2014, 11:42 AM

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Morning Musings at November 13, 2014, 11:42 AM.

It's to shake off the urge of wanting to write something.
It's not rant... it's want.

Submitted: November 12, 2014

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Submitted: November 12, 2014

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November 13, 2014, 11:42 AM

Morning Musings

 

It'll be my second year in this company by the 19th of November and the urge to break free goes stronger with each passing second. I have been itching to reach the two – year mark to compensate for the fact that I am an undergraduate whose credentials are still with the Universities (I was in two) I went to and that the only educational attainment document I can provide is a High School Diploma. It isn't exactly much of value but having a two – year experience minimum in the BPO industry does go a long way.


Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful for granting me the chance to make a first mark but I just cannot fathom myself staying any longer. I have been into cases wherein none of them were addressed properly without a persistent attempt to either follow up on them or conduct a mini – investigation of my own to provide substantial evidences. Every single escalation thrown at me either were against their own implemented action plans, a common practice cascaded on the production floor, or just plain random point outs that would require serving me a demotivating and disgraceful sheet of paper that would either get me suspended without a full month's pay, dragged into a never- punctual interrogation panel meeting and a good quiet set of days to weeks without ever knowing what's happening. Eventually, at a random day or so, the verdict will then be set and no one ever tells you what their basis were, what the process was; basically, they just would set up a date to hear your side, read the Notice To Explain (NTE) document you've poured your heart and honesty into on the same day (God knows if they thoroughly analyzed it, I doubt that very much due to past experiences in the same company) and let you to wait anxiously like a lab – rat living a caged life waiting for the next test shot.

 

I understand all of those should be behind me by now, but it's hard to just drop the fact that the since the day I started working, I have shown exemplary performance both in terms of attendance and statistics given the right push, reason, and favor like any normal human being. I did not work for the money nor the incentives but merely got by with flying colors for the team I love and the team that loved me back. I came in early to avoid being late and conduct follow ups on the cases to provide a more inter-client approach with my customers to keep them satisfied and valued, I did the extra mile because my manager, at the time, displayed a loving, friendly, and appreciative environment for his working employees and life was fine. Friends, people and other managers were just plain awesome.

 

From training to operations, I have loved every bit of new and enticing experience; from learning new things to meeting new people, from friends to being in a work – family, from acquaintance to love.

 

Love.

 

I fell in love not only with work, but to a person I thought I would never even befriend. I was inspired even more that I know, I made my manager and product supports proud. I made a name for myself based on skills and was very obedient and optimistic. Things changed but I held on. I lost my team because the management decided to be all about “integrity” in a dirty game of politics and ranking. My manager left for a better offer, and I mean better offer and environment. I was left with a few people and things went on from great to okay, to manageable, to just plain unbearable.

 

I've done my ranting about what I have gone through in this company and it is not okay. I have stayed for multiple reasons but the more I thought about things and analyzed them, I realized that it it was just not worth it. I stayed for reasons that travel time and fare was cheap and safe. I stayed for reasons I needed money but I could get more from a different company that may even be provide what I deserve as someone who worked not for fame, glory, and need, but worked for having to love my job; I think I no longer do.

 

The product is easy; the steps, the requirements, the metric attainment, incentive goals, all of them require nothing more than communication skills, technical skills, and a matter of getting your client's buy ins. I'm not bragging or anything, but for someone who had been dealing with an irate people about loans and other monetary issue with my previous Financial – related account, teaching and handling children from ages six to fifteen and having to shut them all up from their petty whines and self – centered nature (I love children, but let's be honest; they're as conspicuously devlisih as we are as adults), dealt with technical related concerns and issues having been in a Computer Programming related course, and basically lived a life wherein people are as nasty as their own shit.

 

 

Everything is just plain redundant and inconsistent that the people who deserve more already left because the things I have seen are the things that had caused them to leave in the first place. It is not a safe place to be; it is not a just system nor is it a place that I would like myself to be tagged under. There has just been far too many things that had happened to be negatively for the positive side in me to push myself further.

 

Why haven't I left a long time ago? It's because my heart remains in this company. Twice had he asked me to stay and I cannot say no to someone who means more than my own life. Him, I had shared everything first because I felt something I have never felt before; it was love as pure, as true, and as unconditional. Him, I had shared my first kiss and the adventures that made my heart raced. The places we went through, the movies we watched, the laughter, the stories and the problems we've carried side by side, the tears... Oh God, the tears...

 

It brings me to tears just thinking about it. About the situation I'm in; about loving someone completely but things are intended differently. I stayed because I love him beyond words and actions, beyond birthday and Christmas gifts, beyond every moment of holding his hand and merely banking on the little things we can do together. I love him that I was willing to partake in a little agreement to ensure the betterment of both parties; my life, his, his family, his son, and everything that needs to be taken into a greater deal than me.

 

I stayed because I love him.

But again, things are intended differently.

 

I want to better myself and make better of what I have; for my family, my obligations, my life, and my own happiness. I know we will continue to remain together in my heart and I pray that at some point, we can meet every now and then. I love him and that will never change. I want to free myself of the chains that bind me to worsen my state of perception and career.

 

I hate this place and the only reason why I still am here is because of him and the much awaited 13th month pay bonus. One down as the year closes in and one more to go. The toughest decision making in my life so far, would be this. I know he loves me and he shows me that. I trust that he will not wander off just as I would do the same until we reach the end of our agreement. He knows that and I am well aware of the situation we're in. But until then, he is mine just as I am his.

 

Let the distance not change it, I pray.


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