The following piece may be difficult to understand, because in theory you’ve already understood it. In fact, you’ve already read this piece; that is before you died of course. Believe it or not, I actually died as I was writing it. However, I didn’t actually write it; I just thought I wrote it, much like you think you’re reading this now. But let’s face it; we’re all dead right now, aren’t we? I think you ought to know a little background information about myself…
I am currently 485 years old and I currently attend a primary school on Mars where I am currently running for President of the United States. I was jailed once before due to numerous counts of saying the extremely offensive word ‘hello.’ My favourite teacher is called 235 and she has taught me everything from economics to basic colours of the rainbow. To prove it, the font of this article is blue, how clever am I?
At this point you have probably either put the article in the bin or you insist on reading onwards. Well in fact, you’ve actually done both of these things at exactly the same time you were born. Make sense? I already know that you understand this, just like I already know that you partly understand this and that you really don’t understand this; and that you and I are both dead and we both went to the same school and we both died in the same ending of the same world. I know a lot about you. I know that you wear green shirts and pants made of pure gold. And that you drink pure mercury before you go to sleep. You may be thinking, what a load of bull excretion. But, that’s what you’re thinking, not what is actually reality. You think that you’re annoyed, but you’re not, you’re dead! You think you’re reading this; I think I’m writing this, but are we? You may think I wrote this, but is that not what you have assumed from reading this? Do I know who I’m writing to? Where am I? I am everywhere; you are everywhere. I’m sat next to you when in fact you’re actually on the other side of the universe to me. But are you? The questions that can be asked hold infinite possibilities; much like our lives have an infinite number of possibilities. Everything happens at the same time, but time goes on forever… work that one out.
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