Jimmy Neutron: The Talk

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Jimmy Neutron's parents are worried that maybe it is time for...the talk. And so Hugh is enlisted to talk to his son about the birds and the bees but discovers that just maybe he doesn't need to
share a whole lot.

Artwork: Hinxlinx on DeviantArt.com

https://www.deviantart.com/hinxlinx/art/When-Jimmy-Met-Cindy-173910476 https://www.deviantart.com/hinxlinx

Submitted: August 28, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 28, 2018



It was a clear, blue day as the sun shone brightly down upon Retroville. Jimmy Neutron, a young boy about eleven years of age who sported an ice-cream cone hair-do with a swirl on top and wore a red shirt and blue jeans, walked up the sidewalk leading to his house. He was greatly agitated from a recent confrontation with the girl across the street, Cindy Vortex. He opened the door to the two-story home he lived in and slammed it shut behind him.

Within a few minutes he’d gone upstairs to drop off his bookbag and had gone back downstairs. As he traipsed through the kitchen on his way out the back door to his clubhouse, his parents stopped him.

“Is something wrong, dear?” his mother Judy inquired with concern.

“Wrong? Oh, that Cindy is impossible! One little accident and she acts like the whole world is coming to an end! Alright, so my hydraulic trampoline backfired. At least I caught her in the descent. Sure, she smiles for a second, but then she slaps me and shouts, ‘As if, Neutron’! I mean, really. I could have just let her hit the ground. In fact, maybe next time I will!” Jimmy huffed and walked outside.

Judy looked at her husband Hugh who was staring with a slight smirk at the retreating form of their son. Her mouth hung open as if Hugh had just missed a major opportunity.

“Hugh! I think it’s time you had that ‘talk’ with Jimmy,” she said.

“Ah, but, sugar booger...” Hugh began but was cut off by a stern look.

“No ‘buts.’ Jimmy is already touching girls and you know what touching leads to!? He’s almost twelve and he obviously likes that Vortex girl,” Judy stated with her hands on her hips.

“You gathered that by his saying he should’ve let her drop?” Hugh inquired.

Judy pointed out the door to where Jimmy was heading towards his clubhouse.

“Oh, all right. I’ll go talk to the boy,” he reluctantly got up from his seat by the table and walked outside,

“Oh, Jimbo,” he called to his son.

Jimmy stopped and looked back at his father who was motioning for him to join the man by the new lawn table set they’d gotten. He sat in a chair and pulled out the second chair for Jimmy. The young man approached in curiosity.

“What is it, Dad?” Jimmy asked and took a seat next to his father.

“I think it’s time we had a little talk about the birds and the bees,” Hugh started.

“The birds and the bees? Oh, you must mean sex,” Jimmy rationalized.

Hugh looked down at his boy and was at a loss for words. He stuttered a little and rubbed the back of his head. He wasn’t prepared for a direct discussion on the matter.

“W,w,well, yes,” he responded not sure what to say next.

“It’s ok. I’m already quite familiar with the subject,” Jimmy replied.

“Duh, uh, hm, wha? You are?” Hugh queried, his eyes widening.

“Of course. I mean, I don’t have direct knowledge, if that’s what you’re worried about. Afterall, my own hormones haven’t even kicked in yet. However, I have studied the subject quite in depth. I guess I was curious,” Jimmy began waving his right hand in the air.

“Well, curious is...good. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Hugh input.

“I was curious how the act got to be associated with ‘birds and bees.’ Let’s face it, birds and bees reproduce in relatively different methods from human beings. And the whole reference in regards to bees, seems to be analogous to the pollination of flowers. Which I guess is a hidden reference to the ‘pollination’ of the female genitalia. Yet, I laugh at the comparison,” Jimmy stated and looked up at his father.

“Well, that’s good, son. Listen, there’s this logic when it comes to girls,” Hugh said as he readjusted himself in his chair.

“Logic? Dad, logic and girls don’t mix. I mean, honestly, figuring out the female of the species is an exercise in patience. I think I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me about the associated risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, right?” Jimmy ventured.

“Well, uh,” Hugh replied, trying to get his bearings.

“As far as STD’s goes, I’d say it’s a fargone conclusion that I’d be only interested in one female. Afterall, who has time for girls when science beckons? Besides, there are only a ton of ways in which to be properly protected against just such an event. What I would want is someone my intellectual equal. Yes, it’s true I’ve had an interest in a girl at school. She’s really cute. However, my interest in her is rather trivial at best. If your real concern is getting a girl pregnant, well, I haven’t even hit puberty yet, and, as I’ve mentioned, my hormones haven’t manifested themselves,”

“True, but,” Hugh tried to continue.

“Now, if you really want to explain to me how children are produced, I would respond by informing you that I am aware of sexual reproduction and how a man’s seamen harbors sperm and the act of deliverance, whereas I’m sure is pleasurable, really is only employed for the continuance of the species. You don’t have to worry about me being one of those ‘playboys.’ Though, I’ve come to realize why so many adult males desire multiple adult females. This really is indicative of their instinctual drive to procreate and the internal need to spread as much of their ‘seed’ as possible, to ensure to their continued bloodline. It’s sort of like how there’s generally only one bull to a herd of cows. In this manner, the herd is their progeny only,” Jimmy bluntly delivered.

“Oh, well, cows, yeah, I can see that...” Hugh mustered, feeling blood draining from his face.

“I would say I inherited my disdain for such a thing from you and mom. Like I said, science is a preoccupation of mine. Hopefully, when puberty does hit, I won’t be instinctively driven to such an extent. Dealing with one girl would be tough enough. I also understand the nine month gestation period of the fetus and how it grows within the female womb. It’s a remarkable process of which I’ve spent considerable time evaluating. Of course, when you include the complex emotions, such as what we refer to as ‘love’, things aren’t always so simple in regards to procreation. However, you can’t really prepare anyone for that,” Jimmy continued.

“Oh, yes, complex...unprepared...” Hugh said leaning back into his chair.

“You know, and I hesitate to say this, so you can’t repeat this...to anyone, if I were to choose a mate, you know in the future, I could only think of one equal, and that would be Cindy. She a remarkable intelligent girl and I really do respect her. I just don’t want her messing around in my lab. Lord only knows what she would do to upstage me. I’ve actually sometimes wondered, if that were to happen, and we did get married and had sex and all that good stuff, just what exactly our offspring would look like. And, what kind of personality that child might have. Now, this is just one of those ‘what-ifs’ type of things, so don’t go thinking I have a thing for Cindy or anything,” Jimmy waved a dismissing gesture to his father.

“Uhhhh...” Hugh sat there, staring at the side of his son’s clubhouse.

“Hmm, you know, I could run a simulation program to answer just such a question. I’d imagine, given our genetic profiles, we’d have a virtual Adonis with the mind of Einstein. Of course, it could easily go the other way. Genetics are funny like that, you never know just what is going to go into the DNA strand. Well, I think we covered the basics. Whereas, I didn’t go into real specifics like the acts of sex itself, penis, vagina, other things you’re probably really uncomfortable with, I really do appreciate your taking the time to come talk with me. I hope I wasn’t too hard on you,” Jimmy said to his father and got out of his chair with a wave.

“Oh, yeah, no problem...And, if you have any questions, you can just ask me anything, son,” Hugh replied and got up to return into the house.

“Sure thing, Dad. Glad we could have this little talk,” Jimmy stated and went to his lab.

In a room in the house across the street, a x-ray camera was pointed at the Neutron household, spying on the conversation that had taken place in the back of said residence. Libby, a young dark skin girl with dreadlocks, looked through the camera and then stood straight. She was a little surprised at everything that was being said.

“Was he just talkin’ ‘bout havin’ sex with you?” she inquired and looked beside her where Cindy Vortex had been standing.

A speaker set-up had been attached to the periscopic device and picked up everything being discussed. Libby didn’t see Cindy at first.

“Cindy?” she called and then looked down.

Cindy lay on her back, passed out, on the floor. Libby rolled her eyes and decided that this wasn’t something she needed to be involved with and went to lay on Cindy’s bed to listen to her headset.

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