What I can Never Have

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Ok,dunno what genre this is,and I really don't know what to call it. And if you disagree with this being a short story,tell me. No paragraphs,and this is based off of me :)

Submitted: July 08, 2012

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Submitted: July 08, 2012

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I know it's stupid. I know people would call it wrong. I know it's pathetic. I know I'm being utterly stupid,completely pathetic. But you can't stop that feeling,that will stay lodged in the pit of your chest. I wish I could. I really did. Because I'm so happy,but not exactly for myself. I am angry at myself,yes,that's it. But I'm happy for him,glad as ever. I'm so pleased,that this is what he wants. But I'm being stupid. I want him to be happy,that is everything I want. It makes me smile to see him happy. And I know I can't have him. It's impossible. Not just because he's too old for me,but also cause he's,well,gay. And I'm so proud of him,for coming out of the closet. He was brave,and I admire that dearly. But,I know I'm being real selfish as I say this,but,a tiny bit of me wishes he wasn't gay. But I always say back to that voice "he's happy,I'm happy". And that's true. If he wasn't happy,it would be like hell for me. I'm so happy that he thinks of me as a friend. As a sibling. His younger sibling,of coarse,but his sibling. That's great for me. I'm such a good friend of his,that he always hugs me. We've come up with our own hand shake. It was originally his and his friends (my friends as well) hand shake,but he taught me. He told me I was a quick learner. He decided to give me white rum and coke,and he let me drink out of his cup. I didn't actually know that it was his cup,until I saw him drink out of it. That didn't stop me from drinking from his cup again when he offered. Me and my friend told him what was happening at school to me. He swore that he would go there and beat the crap out of them. He said that he would always be there when I needed help. We talked,we talked a lot. But you couldn't blame us. We hadn't seen each other in about a year. When I first came through the door he hugged me. I felt so special. Through out the whole time I was there we laughed,we joked around,and just hang out. I saw him crying. I had such an urge to go through that door way and ask him what was wrong,but I didn't. I couldn't. I wasn't the one for that. No one else seemed to notice,except for Josh and Hayley. I wish I could've helped him,but I wouldn't of been any sort of help. After a while of it,I couldn't handle it. I snuck my way over to them,but he'd already stopped. We were leaving by then. I didn't want to leave. I really wanted to stay. I wanted to find out why he was upset. He hugged me,told me I was great,told me to take care,told me that we'd see each other tommorow. All I did was nod,say a simple yes. What else could I do? After that hug,we did knuckles and I said goodbye. Then,I walked out the door,saying goodbye to all my (older) friends. I wish I could've stayed there longer. I hope I didn't upset him. I really hope it wasn't my fault that he cried. Maybe I said something that really hurt him. I really hope I didn't. I couldn't handle that. I wish I could've stayed longer. I wanted to be with my friends,I wanted to laugh and joke around,talk about what we were going to do to my class mates. He said that we'd see each other tommorow. Now I just hope that that's true. Cause he was my friend,and I knew I couldn't have him. He was too old,but that didn't stop me from being friends with him. I want to see him tommorow. I hope I do. Cause the truth is,no matter what anyone says,no matter how wrong it is,I really do lo-consider him as an awesome friend. And anyway,we haven't seen each other in over a year. Great way to catch up.


© Copyright 2018 Ienzo Darkness. All rights reserved.

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