My Scratches

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
A poem I decided to write after the most recent occurrances in my life..

Submitted: July 26, 2012

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Submitted: July 26, 2012

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I sit quietly
listening to a comforting yet haunting song
of loss and pain
yet the singer dose not belive that he even diserves what he has
I love linkin park
They always seem to have the right song that I need at the moment

I stare down at my CD
I'd kept it so nice and non scratched
my first love gave it to me for a christmas present
So much pain was in this CD
So much pain she had inflicted
And what caused my first scratch

I am not a normal cutter it seems
the knife against my skin never made me feel better
I hated the feeling of knowing I couldn't even hurt myself without help from an object
Thats when I glanced at my nails
I was never a fan of trimming them so they always grew out
when they would finally get so long I'd eventually trim them
but this time I seemed to have found a new purpose for them
and in that dimly lit room
with the sound of linkin park turned up all the way
and my erratic sobs filling my ears
I scratched my self for the first time

The scar has never really fadded
theres always been a small patch of darker skin across the fold of my wrist
Eventually I'd get mad again and scratch myself
over
and over
and over
till it stung and gave off a dark red hue
sometimes I'd go over my first scar
whenever I mourned over my love or was in deep hurt
they never bled much
just stung like hell
I lasted 8 months once without a scratch
not one
and then I quivered and fell weak
Softly sobbing myself to sleep
as the pain ingulfed me

Yesterday I got mad
My family doesn't seem to take my transition seriously
I remember slaming the bathroom door behind me
locking it growling

I ripped my shirt off my body
tearing the layers away
revaling the bare skin
I started with my wrist again
then to my arms
My sholders
and then when I went insane

I scratched my stomach
my breasts
and my hips
I took my pants off throwing them to the floor
I clawed my thighs
I hated this body
I hated myself
I hated this pain

I slumped to the floor
currling up into a ball
and slowly I drifted
finally a broken soul...


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