They Haunt

Darkness. It’s all around me. It threatens to swallow my soul. Its touch is cold, you feel naked and alone. So vulnerable.

Pathetic.

The room is silent. It’s so quiet that I can hear my abnormal heartbeat, and my ragged breaths.

My body is trembling. Fear controls me. It takes me by the shoulders and shakes me. Not only my body, but also my soul and sanity.

The room is cold. I hug my knees. It doesn’t help. I’m freezing.

The sheets that were comfortable, now feel rough against my skin. They scratch my thighs, and ankles.

The sweater now scrapes me. It doesn’t make me fell nice. I want to rip it off, but my arms won’t move. My body is numb.

I stare into the nothing in front of me. It’s a pitch black void.

I can’t believe I’m still at home. It’s unbelievable that if I flip the switch on the wall, the furniture of my room will be there.

Outside my window, I can hear the birds chirping their lonely tune.

I put aside my fears and think about the time. A stream. It’s like a stream. It flows nonstop. It goes past the rocks and doesn’t hesitate. Nothing can stop it.

The seconds, minutes and hours pass by. I’m still staring into the abyss of my room. It beckons me to come.

What should I do now? Keep gazing into the darkness, watch the seductive night become dawn and witness this void become my room. On the other hand, do I go to sleep? Either way, I’m not satisfied.

If I don’t sleep I’ll be lonely and in the morning I will have red eyes. I could end up falling asleep in class, worrying my parents.

If I do sleep, I will have a nightmare, but I will feel relieved. Once I awake though, I will realize again, how hellish my life is.

My demons and shadows haunt me. Even in my sweetest dreams, they will be somewhere in the corner, looking at me, with those bloodthirsty eyes.

Their smiles, their touch, laughs, cries, voices. They all haunt me. During day, during night.

There’s no escape from them.

Tears roll down my damp cheeks. All my feelings are in those tears. However, no matter how much I cry, they will never stop. They’ll keep pouring out like the rain.

My nights are all the same. Tears, fear, thoughts, demons, no actual humans.

I need someone to hold me. To wipe away my tears. To give me the ability to feel and move again.

Is that too much to ask?

The darkness becomes light. My eyes still hurt and my heartbeat is fast.

Morning may have come, but it will be night soon. Again.

This won’t stop. They’ll keep doing this until my sanity shrinks to being almost invisible.

The sound of my alarm clock painfully throbs in my head.

I quickly put on my clothes, makeup and smile.

It’s funny. I suppose I could be an actor. Everyone believes my smile and the fake twinkle in my eyes.

That act is flawless.

The sun may be out and shining, but there is always a thundercloud above my head.