black to light

My world is black

It’s cold and dark

It’s like someone turned off the lights

Suffocated the joy, happiness, and love from my life

It made me cold inside and out

Just an empty shell from a past life

It’s like my soul was taken and lost forever

I no longer feel the simple joys of a normal person

I cannot feel joy but sorrow

I cannot feel happiness but pain

I cannot feel love only hate

I feel sorrow pain rejection hate and despair

I am depressed lost and sad

Lost wondering far from the path longing to feel a simple joy

My thoughts are black

My life is black

So I must be black and I am

I saw blackness

I feared the worst but dreamt of happiness

An emotion I’ve never felt and couldn’t even imagine.

An unworldly joy to fill my broken heart 

To mend my broken heart

And light my way and cover the blackness

I wandered onto the path of another’s

I saw light it was blinding but beautiful

As time flew by unnoticed

Something changed within me

The black turned to grey

The grey to white

White to light

Unheard of unknown till now I was mesmerized

By the simple joys of life

Filled me with an unearthly joy I could not explain

I watched myself transform from sad and scared to happy and joyful

As the time grew near every day the light around me would dim back to black

I feared home I became vulnerable and scared every time I left

But something new but old like it had always been there but it was unknown

A feeling so deep and strong

I felt I could remember it but from where? I don’t know it was foreign but natural

I cannot explain it but it was like an addiction, a passion

Strong and deep and true

I cannot say what it was the fear of saying the words that felt so tainted

Like an abomination of everything I had ever been or am

For I had sworn four years ago it didn’t last and would never stay

I had done this to prepare for more rejection

I have been rejected more times than I could count

Society, friends even family it’s all the same

Its pain and hatred a sorrow I fear to feel again

Deep within me I knew I would not be rejected

But then why did I fear to say it? Why?  why? I could not say

I think yes it makes sense

I think it was because I feared still to see the reaction the look when I did say those tainted words

Three of them, words, eight letters and the fear to say them

I know I have said fear a many time to many

But that is simply get the point across

For you see I live my life in fear every moment of every day fear of home family and yes even more rejection

i know this is a bad poem but i wasnt trying to make it rhyme or anything like that