Running From Danger

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

RUNNING FROM DANGER IS GOING TO BE ABOUT A YOUNG MODEL WHO HAD EVERYTHING GOING FOR HER UNTIL A CRAZED STALKER ENTERED HER LIFE AND CHANGED EVERYTHING!

Ava Nelson sat in a cabin hidden from all civilization, but her mind was back in New york at her apartment. She had just gotten home from a photo shoot, took a hot steamy shower. She had wrapped herself in a large fluffy pink towel, and headed to the kitchen for something cold to drink. The package was on the sofa with a note written on swan stationary. The note read: HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL SWAN I'M COMING FOR YOU. I'M TO CLOSE FOR COMFORT AREN'T I? WHEN I SAW YOUR SILHOUETTE IN THE SHOWER JUST A MINUTE AGO MY MANHOOD HARDEN TO THE POINT THAT I ALMOST TOOK YOU RIGHT THEN AND THERE. I HAD TO FORCE MYSELF TO WAIT. TONIGHT MY BEAUTIFUL SWAN YOU WILL BE MINE.THE SEXY NIGHTIE IS FOR YOU TO WEAR. That's when Ava had set her plan in motion and left, running from some stalker that was out to get her. Ava listened to the fire crackle in the fireplace as the logs burned down to nothing. Nothing that's how she felt. She had everything going for her in New York. She was one of the most wanted top models. Her picture was in every well know magazine and on bill boards across the world. everything had been perfect up until five months ago when she started getting odd phone calls, mystery notes and gifts,usually a swan of some sort.That one note had scared her so bad she just left.

Ava stared out the window at the growing darkness. What she saw through the window pane startled her. Ava know longer looked like herself. Her golden blonde hair was cut short and dyed jet black. The night she left she had planned to contact the best plastic surgeon she could find and Dr. Tom Wilson had indeed stood up to his name. She had entered his office told him what she needed with little detail given to him. She had figured the less he knew about her the better for his safety. Ava had a whole body makeover, and she hated it. She had always tried to live as if beauty didn't matter that it was what was on the inside that counted most, but her growing up years had tarnished that for her. Ava had been a homely looking girl when she was younger. She had been known as the ugly duckling, but as she grew her looks changed into someone beautiful and elegant. Now looking out that window she saw that homely looking Ava. Yes indeed Dr. Tom had done a remarkable job. Her once large breast was now reduced to nothing. Her luscious plump lips was now thin and flat. A tear slid down her cheek as she walked closer to the window. Her once thin frame was now145 pounds.

"I'll never work as a top model again," she cried. "My life as Ava Nelson is over!" She screamed at herself.

She had to hear a familiar voice. Ava reached for the prepaid phone she had purchased before she left New York. She punched in the memorized number. She held the phone to her ear with a trembling hand. One ring, two rings, three rings, four rings, the answering machine finally clicked on. "This is Randy Lawson leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can, if this is Ava Nelson I love you."

Ava felt her legs buckle as she fell to the floor. Her breathing was coming in heavy heaves. Ava clutched the locket around her neck as if it was her life line. She opened it and stared at the picture of Randy her boyfriend. He had been the best thing that ever happen to her, but now he was dead and gone, killed by the hands of the stalker. The police had said suicide, but Ava knew that Randy would never ever take his on life.

"I'll get whoever killed you," she vowed.

Ava put another log on the fire and watched it blaze up. She didn't know why but she had the distinct feeling that the stalker was someone she knew or knew her. She sat down in front of the fire and felt the heat sooth her cold skin. She closed her eyes trying to concentrate. "Who would want to terrorize me?" she asked herself. Of course she knew there was alot of sick people in the world.

Ava fell asleep in front of the fire. At first the dream was beautiful and romantic. Randy was making love to her, and then he was gone, vanished right before her eyes. In Randys' place was another man, but it was dark she couldn't see his face. He was on top of her, kissing her, forcing her legs apart. She wanted to scream, but couldn't.

"My beautiful swan,"he whispered in her ear.

Ava sat up. Sweat drenched her clothes. His voice sounded so familiar, but she couldn't place where she had heard it. She felt dirty.She went into the bathroom and stripped her clothes off. She turned the shower on and stepped in, letting the water spray down her body. She could still feel his touch, hear his voice. She slid down into the tub and sobbed.

Ava sat there long after the water turned cold. She felt numb, not from the freezing water, but fear. Fear gripped her very soul. Deep down she could feel a full blown panic attack trying to surface. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath held it, then slowly let it out. She reached for her bath robe and slipped it on tying the belt around her thick middle. Ava walked past the bathroom mirror careful not to look at her reflection, something she avoided these days.

The sun was just coming up over the horizon promising to be a bright sunny day. Ava walked into the kitchen to make her first cup of coffee. She stopped in her tracks. A swan mug set on the counter top with a note propped up beside it. It read: MY BEAUTIFUL SWAN I'VE MISSED YOU! I HOPE YOU LIKE THE MUG. The panic attack was full force now. She ran through the cabin searching for any sign of a break in, but it was clean. Ava picked up her phone to call Eric, her photography She listened at the meledy Don't Rock The Juke Box.

"Hello Eric Hall speaking," he said as he continued to snap pictures.

For a moment Ava was lost in time. She could feel the adrenalin even as as she heard the click of the camera. "Anyone there?" She heard Eric ask, bringing her back into the nightmare.

"I'm here," Ava managed to say.

"Where in the world are you Ava?" Eric asked. "I have been worried sick about you beautiful swan," he added.

The room began to spin. Ava held on to a chair for support. She couldn't breath. "Wh--Wh-- What d-d-d- did you c-c-c-call m-m-me?" she stuttered. Ava didn't wait for an answer she threw the phone across the room. "No, no, no, not Eric. He can't be the stalker." She had to get some air. She hurried and dressed, grabbed her purse and fled the cabin that felt no longer safe.

The twenty mile drive into town did nothing to calm her already jittery nerves. She sat in her parked car watching the people go about their daily business. Any number of them could be the stalker. Could it be Eric? Or could it be a perfect stranger? Ava just didn't know anything any more. She was low on cash, so she couldn't leave. She didn't know what to do any more. A tear slid down her cheek. " O:k Ava get a grip, get ready to fight thecreep whoever he is," she said to herself. Before Ava got out of the car she repeated the anonymous name she had given herself. "Your Kelly Rivers, your Kelly Rivers."

Ava got out of the car and looked around her. No one seemed to be paying her any attention. She started walking down the side walk, glancing in windows as she walked. She suddenly stopped. She stood moiblized, staring at the swan display. "Beautiful swan," she heard a masculine voice behind her.

She spun around wide eyed. "Leave me alone!" She yelled as she started to run.

"Hey wait up, I didn't mean to scare you!" He yelled after her.

She kept running. She had to get away. Was he the stalker? Ava rounded the corner and ran smack dab into a broad chest. His strong arms went around her. She tried to break free, but couldn't. He ushered her into a cafe. "Sit," he ordered. He walked to the counter and order coffee. He bought the steaming mug back to her. "Drink," he ordered once again. With trembling hands she lifted the mug to her mouth. The hot liquid burned as it went down. She couldn't stop trembling.

"Are you o:k?" He asked as he pulled a chair out, scraping the legs across the floor.

Ava set the mug down. "I'm fine," she said as she stood to leave.

He grabbed her hand and smiled up at her. His smile irritated her for some reason. "Kindly let go of my hand," she said harshly.

His smile didn't falter. He let go and said,"you always this rude to people who try to help you?"

She felt a little embrassed. "Thank you for the coffee."Then turned to leave. She could hear his foot steps behind her. She turned and glared at him. "Look I appreciate your kindness, but I'm fine."

"Well Ms. Fine, do you have a name?" He asked as he continued to follow her. "Mine is Neal Holland." He said.

Ava felt a smile come across her mouth. She turned to face him. "I'm Av--" She stopped short and cleared her throat. "Kelly Rivers," she said as she put her hand in his.

"Kelly Rivers how would you like to have dinner with me one night? Now don't answer right now." He pulled a card from his pocket and handed to her. " My phone number in case you decide to take me up on my offer."

Ava slid into the drivers seat and fastened her seat belt. She took the card from him. As she backed out of the parking place she glanced in her rear view mirror. Neal Holland stood there still smiling.

STAY TUNE TO THE FINAL PART OF: RUNNING FROM DANGER


Submitted: May 31, 2010

© Copyright 2021 imagination101. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

storiestotell

LOVE IT! HURRY AND WRITE SOME MORE! I can't wait!

Fri, June 4th, 2010 3:50pm

Author
Reply

THERE WILL BE MORE TOMORROW!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!!!!

Fri, June 4th, 2010 10:26am

rocketdog07

this is really good.. :)
can't wait to read more!

~HannahBeth

Fri, June 4th, 2010 4:41pm

Author
Reply

THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY!! I WILL BE ADDING MORE TO IT TOMORROW!!!

Fri, June 4th, 2010 10:23am

HappyElf

Awesome start! Very mysterious and mesmirising. Update me?

Sun, June 6th, 2010 12:52pm

Author
Reply

THANK YOU! WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED!

Sun, June 6th, 2010 6:23am

sarazan

Great start!! Can hardly wait for more.

Mon, June 7th, 2010 10:11am

Author
Reply

THANK YOU SO MUCH! MORE IS COMING!

Mon, June 7th, 2010 4:52am

D M Broadfield

Awesome write more !

Tue, June 8th, 2010 5:04am

Author
Reply

THANKS! HOPELY SOMETIMES TODAY I'LL HAVE MORE WRTTEN!!!!

Mon, June 7th, 2010 10:37pm

Cleveland

Hi ,
The story you've written is an interesting one with elements of drama, a crime and suspence buried in there. But like any cake, beside the baking, the look on the outside must match the taste of what is inside. Try a slice of your story and see what happens. The names of the characters don't seem appealing and the names need to strike a chord with the reader. Perhaps a Claire or Jennifer might be worth a consideration. Lots of girls with those name about. Randy, another name to consider . I know where you are aiming so I'd meet you half way by suggesting Randall. Randy is not the apt one for a story involving a stalker who might turn into a rapist or murderer.
Then as I a reader I'm weighing up what a top model might do before running away to hide from a possible stalker. It might be useful to include a conversation showing Ava has contacted the police who need the stalker to make a firm move before they can do a thing. Ava must be seen to have tried all kinds of things before she runs off to hide. Changing appearances through surgery is a bad move. She weights 145 pounds or nearly 10 stone and a half. Match that to her profile, waist, bust and hips and something is wrong. Rather than become involved with plastic surgery I'd suggest a change of appearance through hair wigs and makeup. In its own way another problem rises up. Ava after running away finds she is short of cash. How much did her operation cost? How to match two different pieces of information and make it consistent? I'm sure you'll see the problem created.
At the start of your story you need to imagine in your mind's eye what happens to a person who thinks they have a stalker on their tail. Do they know why? Something they've done in the past? That person might hide the car out of sight and return to the front door to duck down behind a wall hoping that the person following might show themselves. Nothing happens after half an hour. Then that peson(Ava) goes into the building wondering if the stalker might already be waiting in there. Nothing. Nobody. Then continue the story of lighting the fire, eating a meal and then jumping(in the story) to the death of the boyfriend. It is not enough to say he committed suicide. You need to explain how. Perhaps an accident or might he have been pushed,say, onto the path of a train.
You also need a firm date when the stalker started to get interested in Ava. Was it after a special picture shoot or a funeral of a family member or did she insult a minority group on an interview on television.
Why doesn't Ava have a girl friend or mother she can trust? Does she need to be a top model when a hairdresser or make up person or presenter offers a better opportunity for this type of story.
In no way should you take my comments to heart because I believe they can all be corrected. Words can be moved around and meanings changed. Starting afresh and being consistent makes for a more solid plot. Ask around and gather tips. People are always pleased to be asked. I've raise a few ideas and now you need to iron out some things. When they've been done you'll be please at the result.
Good luck with your writing.

Wed, June 9th, 2010 6:52am

Author
Reply

THANKS CLEAVELAND FOR YOUR ADVICE!!!! I WILL TAKE IT ALL INTO CONSIDERATION!!!! THANKS FOR YOUR TIME!!!

Wed, June 9th, 2010 12:18am

txangel

despite the easy grammar errors, i'm seeing a good story here.. and a piece of advice hon..don't let fear stop you from making ur dreams come true no matter what they may be..keep me posted okay..

Thu, June 10th, 2010 9:11am

Author
Reply

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!! FOR YOUR KINDS WORDS!!!! HOPE TO FINISH BY TOMORROW!!!

Thu, June 10th, 2010 4:40am

Vengie

I started reading Cleveland's comments, but then gave up (I have a short attention span). I disagreed with practically all of it.

I DO think having surgery to gain weight was pretty extreme, when she could just layer clothing.

The most fanciful aspect for me was that she WAS a supermodel, not an ordinary woman that ordinary women can easily relate to. All that said and done, I suppose having a high public profile increases the number of people who COULD be the stalker: is it a friend or acquaintance, or just a crazy nutjob fan?

Again, because she is so famous, and her stalker could be anyone, I think it makes sense (or at least is conceivable) that she didn't contact the police, not knowing if anyone of them could be involved and wanting to get the hell out of her previous life after her partner was murdered, so she doesn't endanger anyone else she cares about, and also because she is scared for her own safety.

As she is a model,I figured that she would definitely have some cash left over to spend until she got a new job, but there is no mention that she DOESN'T have a job either. Just that her money is running out.

Anyway, I thought it was very well written, with the occasional spelling mistake or inappropriate word (soothe rather than smooth, something like that).

Fri, June 11th, 2010 8:55pm

Author
Reply

THANKS AGAIN!!!

Sat, June 12th, 2010 12:54am

Vengie

Again re: what Cleveland said:
I think the names are fine. Sometimes I like playing around with names, choosing ones that I love, but you really need to think about the story's context. Sometimes it can seem too contrived to use 'exotic' (or whatever) names just because you like them. The (minor) problem that I had with her being a model was that it seemed too idealistic, too dissimilar to ordinary life for it to be believable potentially. If you focus on names too heavily you may make your work seem less conceivable, more formulated and trite.

Anyways, I talk a lot of crap and think the names you chose are just fine.

Fri, June 11th, 2010 9:27pm

Author
Reply

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE!!!

Sat, June 12th, 2010 12:51am

Donna Cavanagh

Very suspenseful! Going to read the next part now!

Thu, June 17th, 2010 7:07pm

Author
Reply

THANKS FOR READING

Fri, June 18th, 2010 10:10am

DAMNCritic

DAMN!
For an old country gal (who has a twin, JUST LIKE YOU) I'd say you're on track babe's. Now that you've completed the "idea" (story) of the project, step --BACK-- and have a gooood L@@K-SEE at it.
"CARE" about the idea (the story--NOT the "piece.") Then, go back again, and adjust the "idea" (make it BETTER and BETTER and BETTER...and BETTER) until it is great! Clip any snags until it is the BEST
(that -you- can create.)
YOU...find the "snags," and YOU..."create" it.

It is YOURS...FINISH IT.
(You're doing well, simply by "doing" it.)

NEVER take ANYONE'S criticism "lightly."
(And REFRAIN from such "welcoming" of it.)

No one is BETTER!
(SOME are simply more "accomplished," at their OWN efforts.)

Cleveland: DAMN!
(Offer FIRST, your "credentials," pal.)
"IDEAS" are one offering, REWRITES are a complete other.
("THESE" are MY credentials)


"DAMNCritic"

Fri, June 25th, 2010 8:14pm

Author
Reply

THANKS

Sat, June 26th, 2010 1:09am

DAMNCritic

DAMN!
(Apolgies for that "double-dose.")

Will go now, and see sissy's efforts.

"DC"

Fri, June 25th, 2010 8:18pm

Author
Reply

WILL DO!

Sat, June 26th, 2010 1:07am

angellynn

Great start! I see you have a full line of comments, so it would be truthful to say... AWESOME JOB! Lol! You did an amazing job. Love it as well!
Angellynn:D

Sun, July 4th, 2010 6:05am

Author
Reply

SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT!!!

Sat, July 3rd, 2010 11:51pm

alita

uu I love this.. haha I got totally in the story, very very intresting and good.

Wed, September 22nd, 2010 5:36pm

Author
Reply

THANKS FOR THE COMMENT! GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT!

Wed, September 22nd, 2010 11:34am

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