STARVING FOR LOVE

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
SADIE'S PARENTS NEVER WANTED HER. SHE HAD ALWAYS BEEN FAT AND THEY ALWAYS LET HER KNOW IT. ALWAYS BEING TEASED BY THEM AND OTHERS, SADIE STARTS THROWING HER FOOD UP AFTER EACH MEAL TOI BECOME THIN. WILL SHE FIND SOMEONE THAT CARES BEFORE IT'S TO LATE?

Submitted: September 13, 2010

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Submitted: September 13, 2010

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Sadie sat up in bed drenched in a cold sweat. She trembled as she tried to put the nightmare away, to put it back to sleep. She covered her ears with her hands trying to drowned out the voices within her head. "Fatty fatty two by four cannot fit through the bathroom door!" Some nights Sadie would just stay awake to keep from dreaming. She got out of bed and began to pace the floor. She felt dread as the memories flooded her mind, she didn't want to remember, she wanted to forget. She remembered coming home from school crying because the other kids at school kept calling fer names, fat names. She had busted through the door in tears. Her mom had been in the kitchen sipping a glass of wine.

"What's wrong with you?" She had asked.

Sadie hadn't wanted to tell her mom anything.. She knew that her mom wouldn't care at all. Sadie knew all to well how her parents felt about her. In their eyes she was a mistake that should have never happened. She would had been aborted but her mom was to for alone to have it done. She had often wondered why they just hadn't given her up for adoption. She made the mistake asking once and her mom had told her if she was going to go through all that pain of having her she wasn't going anywhere. They kept her to be their live in servant.

"You wouldn't care," Sadie had stated.

Her mom had placed a caring look on her face and said, "try me."

Sadie had sat down next to her and ended up being even more humiliated. "Everyone at school is making fat jokes at me," she had sobbed.

Even now Sadie can see the smile curve her mother's lips. "Well my dear I hate to break it to you,but you are fat!"Her mom had went off into a peal of laughter . Then snorted like a pig in Sadie's face.

Her dad had walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. "What's so fuuny?" He asked.

"Your daughter is upset because the kids are making fat jokes at her," She giggled.

"Don't ever call her my daughter again," he ranted. Then he smiled. "Did you break the news and tell her it is true?"

Sadie had ran from the room crying uncontrollable. That day she had promised herself she would become thin if it was the last thing she did. She had tried numerous diets, but nothing worked until she started throwing up her food. She remembered her frist time to throw up her food. She had come home from a horrible day at school, she had grouged herself with doughnuts and ice cream. She felt the stress leaving her body at each bite she had took. She knew she could never give up food, it was her release from the pain. Food was a friend to her, but instantly became the enemy once it entered her body. She had walked into the bathroom and looked at her plump features, knealing down in front of the toilet she jabbed her finger down her throat and vomit. She kept doing it and the pounds started to melt off. Sadie had finally felt in control of her life.

Sadie walked over to the full length mirror and viewed her figure. In her eyes she saw an over weight girl. In reality she was thin as a rail, her bones bulged out, her eyes was sunken in. She stepped on the scales and peered down, it read 100 pounds even. No matter how much weight she lost it was never enough. Maybe she hoped that she would loose enough to fade away. She knew she wouldn't go back to sleep so she walked out of her bedroom trying to be quite so she wouldn't wakeTilly her roommate and her boyfriend Kevin who often spent weekends over. She walked into the darken kitchen and immediately the refrigerator beckened her. She opened the door and her stomach gruggled as she eyed the chocolate cheesecake. Sadie didn't bother with a plate or fork, she just scooped a hand full out and crammed it into her mouth.

The kitchen light came on. "Are you o:k?" Tilly asked as she walked up behind Sadie. Sadie tried to hurry and swallow, but didn't make it. "My God Sadie, if your going to binge like that at least you could use your manners and use a plate and fork.

Sadie's face reddened with shame. She hurried from the room with Tilly on her heels. "I'm sorry," Tilly cried.

Sadie slammed her bedroom door and headed into the bathroom. She bent over the toilet and vomit. She forced her finger down her throat several times heaving as she did, wanting to be sure she got it all out. She fell back onto the floor clutching her middle. It wasn't enough to throw it up she needed to go jogging. She dressed in some sweats and headed out.

The early morning air was cool and damp after the nights rain storm. She started off in a slow steady speed. The futher she went the faster she got. She was jogging so hard and fast that she plowed into this guy and landed on top of him. She rolled over and felt the dampness seep into her sweats.

James got to his feet. He held out his hand to help her up. She looked at it a moment and then excepted his help. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him. Tall dark and handsome to boot was her reaction to him, but quickly recovered when she came to her senses. He would never think someone like me attractive she thought to herself.

"Are you o:k, miss?" His voice was so deep that he could be a bass singer.

she lowered her gaze. "I should be asking you that since I was the one that plowed you over," she murmured.

"You can make it up to me over breakfast," he offered. He instantly noticed the tension that entered her body. He knew the signs all to well, she was suffering with anorexia nervosa and possibly bulimia. He had been around it long enough to know when someone was battling with the disease. His twin sister Jamie was now recovering, but it was always a constant struggle in her everyday life.

"I'm J-J-"

"I know who you are," she cut in. "Your James Brewer."

A sudden excitment went through him at the thought of her knowing his name. She wasn't unattractive. Her eyes was a deep shade of blue with specks of green, and even though her eyes was sunk in they lit up her face. Her brownish curly hair spreaded wildly around her thin face and reached just below her shoulders. "How do you know my name?" He asked.

A smile curved her lips. "Watch out for the swelling head!" She shouted. "We go to the same college, and I happened to be in the library and heard someone yell your name," she explained.

He grinned. "So you just happen to remember my name? How sweet is that?" He teased.

"Don't get all sappy on me, I'm good with names," she said. "I better get back to my exercise," shea added as she took off.

"Wait I don't know your name," he said ,trying to keep up with her. "Whew! What's the rush!" He exclaimed.

"Sadie Powell," she told him. "The faster you jog the more calories you'll burn," she added.

James stood there starring. He should know better, but he couldn't help himself. She actually thought she was fat. This disease was cruel not only to the person that has it, but to the people close to them. Jamie, his sister had started throwing her food up and binging around the age of fourteen, now nineteen she was finally doing better.

"Your," He caught himself before he finished. He had been about to tell her she wasn't fat. Instood he said, "That really works?"

Sadie's temper flared. "Look I know I'm fat," Her voice cracked with emotion. "You don't have to rub it in!" She shouted.

James was caught off gaurd with this sudden out brust. "Wait a minute now," he said calmly. "I--I--I"

She cut him off. "Just leave me alone!" she cried. Sadie took off in a wobbly jog.

James felt aweful. He hadn't ment that she was fat. He watched her as she jogged on as if she was in a marothon trying to get to the finished line. He guessed in some ways she was trying to get to the finish line but it kept being moved. He turned and headed back in the direction he had come thinking about Sadie Powell all the way home.

James entered his house with his head down low. Maybe he thought to himself I will see her at school and make things right. He walked into the kitchen where Jamie was having her mid-morning snack. He pulled out a chair and reached for a banana. "How's it going sis?" He asked.

Jamie took a bite out of her muffin, actually a nibble. He watched her closely. It appeared to him that Jamie was having trouble eating today. He felt like balling. "Watch you looking at?" She asked with anoyance.

Well he'd gone and done it again. Why couldn't he keep from hurting someones feelings. This disease was difficult for him to understand. What could he say to her? The truth? He didn't want to say anything that he shouldn't. That was the problem with this disease it made who ever had it self conscious. He didn't want to make her feel that even worse than she already did.

He cleared his throat. "It's just I met up with this girl while I was out walking and I hurt her feelings."

"What happened?" Jamie asked as she took a huge bite of her muffin.

James felt like sighing with relief. "She's anorexic," he stated.

"You didn't come out and say that to her, did you?" Jamie had a horrid look on her face.

"I'm not that stupid," he almost shouted. James told her the whole story. "I really would like to get to know her. She's funny and attactive. He thought for a minute. "It's just something about her that's screaming for help."

Jamie smiled at her brother. "You just met her and you've got it bad," she teased.

"She needs help?" He looked straight at his sister. "What should I do?"

"Your asking me for advice?"

"Well you do know more about this than I do," he stated.

"I hate to tell you this, but all you can do is be her friend and don't push her. She's going to have to make up her on mind that she needs help."

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Sadie sat in her poetry class monday morning filled with dread. The class had to write a poem about love. She had struggled with that assignment up until this morning, and still she wasn't overly excited about it. She didn't know anything about love.

"Miss Powell, you may begin the class with your poem," Mr. Bentley informed.

Sadie nervously walked to the front of the class. She began to read:

What Is Love?

Can someone tell me?

Is love being with someone special?

Is it good or bad?

What is love?

Can someone tell me?

Is it when a mom and dad hold their new born for the first time?

Cuddling it with care?

Are is it people tunting you with words of shame?

What is love?

Can someone explain?

For I myself just don't no for all I feel is pain.

Is love for everyone or just chosen ones?

Can someone please explain?

What is love?

Sadie tried to hold back the tears, but they fell freely down her face. James stood outside the door listening. He wanted to go to her, but he feared he would only make it worse. Sadie walked back to her seat with her head down.

"Who would love you the way you look!" Someone shouted.

Sadie raced out the room knocking James off his feet once again. He looked up at her and grinned. "We've got to quit meeting like this."

She didn't want him to see her cry, but her emotions flowed right out of her. He helped her up. He guided her out to the bright sun shine. Her shoulderes shook as she cried. James didn't say a word he just let her cry. Sadie finally pulled away, embarrassed. "Do you want to be seen with a fat girl like me?" She asked heatly.

James sat and tried to gather the right words to say. He didn't want to say the wrong thing again. God he wished his sister was around. She would know what to do. "I'm J-J--J-"

Sadie cut in, "I know who you are, your James Brewer."

"How do you know my name?"He grinned showing his pearly whites.

"I'm good with names." she murmured.

"So you just happened to remember my name?"

"Watch out for the swelling head!" she shouted.

They both laughed. "Can we please start over?" James asked with begging eyes.

"I don't know," Sadie whispered. She wanted to get to know James. No she thought to herself she needed to get to know him. For once she wanted to fit into this world. She wanted to be close to someone. She liked James, but could she trust him? Did he see her as repulsive? Like she saw herself? She took a deep breath. "I'm Sadie Powell," she finally said. She would worry about the fear of rejection later.

"Can we do something tonight or the weekend?" He asked nervously. He crossed his fingers like a school age boy.

Sadie wanted to go out with him, but could she pull it off without making a fool out of herself? "I would love to do something this weekend," she smiled. She decided to give herself alittle space and not jump into it.

James didn't know what to say next. What would she like to do? He was scared to say go out and eat. They could go to the movies. He took a deep breath. "What would you like to do?" He finally asked.

Sadie was scared. She didn't know what to say. He most likely would want to go out and eat. She took a deep breath and let it out. James waited patiently, not wanting to rush her into anything. She could handle going out to eat. She would sat down and eat like any normal person, then politely excuse herself to go throw up. If that didn't work out she could still purge when she got home. To be on the safe side she would take some laxatives before going to bed,it's not like she sleeps that much anyways.

"How about we go out for pizza?" She noticed his surprised look.

"Pizza would be great, and why don't I invite my twin sister Jamie and her boyfriend Keith." He thought maybe that might make her feel more at ease. And it didn't hurt that Jamie would be there for help if he needed it.

Sadie was feeling excited about this date."Could I invite my roommate Tilly and her boyfriend Kevin?" She asked shyly.

"The more the merry."

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Sadie woke early Saturday morning after a restless night. She had fell asleep early but woken several times dearing the night with the tunting nightmares. Plus her nerves was shot. She had almost broken the date but Tilly refused to let her. James and Jamie with her boyfriend keith had come over Wednesday night to watch a movie and grill hamburgers. Everyone had hit it off well. Sadie had tried to stay in the kitchen away from everyone, but none of them would allow it. She kept wondering when it would all blow up in her face. Friday afternoon James had took her to meet his parents. Sadie had been mesmerized how James and Jamie got alone with their parents. Mr. and Mrs. Brewer had treated Jamie and James with such kindness. So this is how a family is suppose to act, she had thought to herself.

That afternoon she went to her room to get ready. She wanted to look her best. She tried on several outfits which ended up on the floor. To her everything seemed to be to tight. Sadie sat down on the edge of her bed in tears. Tilly came to her bedroom door. "What's the matter?" Tilly asked as she entered the room.

"I'm not going!" Sadie cried.

"Oh but yes you are!" Tilly told her.

"I don't have anything to wear!" Sadie sobbed.

Tilly looked at Sadie's clothes. "What about this?" she asked holding up a capri set.

"It's to tight!" Sadie shouted. "Everythings to tight," she added throwing herself across her bed.

Tilly knew that couldn't be true. Nothing fit because it was to big, but Tilly didn't dare say that. Tilly wanted to help Sadie, but didn't know how. Tilly had even went and talked with a therapies on Sadie's behalf, but the stupid therapies thought Tilly was the one wanting help. "Why don't we go check out my closet?" Tilly offered in a soothing voice.

Sadie sat up and wiped her face. "You wouldn't mind?"

They walked into Tilly's room. Sadie sat on the edge of the bed wringing her hands. Tilly pulled out one outfit after another knowing that each one would hang on Sadies thin figure. Sadie finally chose a knee lenghth dress that could be tied at the shoulders. Sadie and Tilly sighed with relief. Sadie looked in the mirror again. She couldn't stand the way she looked. She was pudgy in the face and her thighs looked huge not to mention her belly flab.

She was about to chicken out when she heard Kevin yell, "There here Ladies, hussle your butts!"

Tilly walked toward the bedroom door. Sadie backed away. "I can't do this! she said breathlessly.

Tilly walked toward her and gently shoved her toward the door. "You can and you will," Tilly ordered.

"Just go without me!" Sadie begged.

"Not a chance," Tilly murmured. "Now come on before I get the rest of them to haul you out," she whispered.

"You wouldn't," Sadie pouted.

"Do you want to try me?" Tilly had a warning look.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The pizza parlor was crowed. They walked in and found a booth in the far back. Sadie had wanted to sat on the outside but she was crammed in the middle. James sensed Sadie's nervousness. He laid a hand on top of hers and sqeezed lightly. They ordered one large supreem pizza and two orders of bread sticks. Sadie was begining to enjoy the camaraderie when the food arrived. Everyone filled their plates except Sadie. She felt like she was paralized. Everyone continued to eat and talk, not paying her any attention. Finally she took a bread stick and nibbled on it. She had to admit it was delicious. Before she knew it she had ate four bread sticks and five slices of pizza. Her face heated with shame. James held his breath that she would keep the food down.

"I-I-I-" she stuttered.

Everyone looked her way.

"What's wrong?" James asked even though he already knew.

Sadie took a deep breath. "Nothing," she whispered.

They all went to James house for dessert. Sadie took a bite of her pie with chocolate icecream. She was mortified at how much she had eaten. No wander her parents didn't love her. The sound of her mother snorting sent her to her feet. Everyone stared at her.

"Honey, are you o:k?" asked Mrs. Brewer.

"I need to use the bathroom."

Jamie stood up. "No you don't," she said calmly.

"Excuse me? I think i know when I need to use the bathroom," Sadie said harshly.

"I'm Jamie------"

"What is it with you Brewer kids? I know who you are," she cried.

Jamie said. "Humor me," she began again. "I'm Jamie and I Have anorexia nervosa and I'm balemic."

"What do you want me to say? Hello Jamie I love you," she said sarcastically.

"Sadie, we want to help you," James whispered.

"Why because I'm fat? Because I'm useless?" She slumped to the floor.

Jamie knelt down beside her. None of the above. At one time in your life maybe you was over weight, but now your too thin, your killing yourself little by little."

"Why do any of you care," she cried. "My own mom and dad hated me because I was born and I was fat!" she exclaimed. "You'll change your mind about me!"

James took Sadie's hand. "Love is someone helping each other. Love can be just being together. Sometimes it can hurt, but most of the time it's out of this world," He held her tight. "Let us show you love," he whispered.

Sadie looked at everyone. She got to her feet. "I'm Sadie Brewer and I have anorexa nervosa, I'm also balemic."

Everyone gathered around. "We love you Sadie," they said in unsion.


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