I thought I could do it. ButI can't. Leaving here is so hard. I know this place like the back of my hand. I know these streets, these people. It's all I have ever known. All I want to know. This is my home, and it always will be. Such a small town, I know. But it does something to you. It's hard to explain. You come to love the people around you, more than you ever expected. And you would do anything to keep that love. You feel like you're a part of something. Something really spacial. That's how I feel. And people say they wont forget you. Buttime goes by. People move on. They forget. I will no longer be part of that special something. I will just be Dyllan. The girl that used to live here.
I could go on for hours about how much I would love to stay, butI was really holding it together. I didnt feel the need to express my feelings to anyone. What good would it do? Then my best friend Allison came over. I called her and told her I was leaving. For good.Shes not an emotional person. I noticed her voice was shaky over the phone. Almost like she was crying. I told her to come over, and as soon as she walked in the door she gave me a hug and started cyring so hard.She tried to talk, but there was nothing to be said. I tried so hard not to cry. Seeing the people who I didn't even expect to cry, break down like that, was the hardest thing I have ever done. At first I thought it would be weird to cry. Childish in a way. But seeing all my friends cry was shocking. I didn't feel like anyone cared. I guess you don't know what you have untill you lose it. And that's what was happening. I was losing everything. In the blink of an eye.
There are so many memories that lie in this town. I remember when we first moved here. It was me, my three sisters, and my parents. The day we arrived, a family came and helped us move in. We got really close to that family, along with many other families. They were so sweet. They gave us things when we needed them. They made us dinner for a week, because they knew we were still settling in. I met so many new friends over the years. But one of the really special memories happened when I was eight years old. My dad had always wanted a son. But my mom couldn't have any more kids. So we looked into foster care.
We were only going to adopt one or two kids. But they changed thier minds when we came along a certain family. If they didn't get adopted soon, then they would all be split up. There were five of them. One girl and four boys. We ended up adopting them. We had nine kids! It was definitely a change. But we came to love eachother. We have grown so much as a family. Although, I didn't like the older boy. Carson.He was the second oldest. He scared me. He would get really mad. He would make me go in his room. I didn't like it in there. He would make me do things. Innapropriate things. He touched me in bad places. I was a fraid to tell someone. But also, I felt I was part of it. I could have told some one. I was eight, and I felt like that was old enough to take responsibility for what happens to me. I was wrong. I regret it to this day that its still a secret. But it was so long ago. Why should anyone care?
Like I said. I had my good years and bad years. But I try to forget the bad things and look at the good things in my life. Like hanging out with my two best friends. Alexis and Allison. Being together was so much fun. We were the kind of friends that did everything together. When one friend couldn't hang out cause they got stuck babysitting, we would all go and help babysit. We had so many fun sleepovers together. We would sit on the yeard and look at the stars, and just talk about everything. Sometimes we would walk around town when it got really dark outside. We told everything to eachother. I know I will never find friends like them.
My dad got a job offer two weeks ago. And just like that, my world turned upside down. The moverswere packing my things from my room. Yeah, pictures are memories. Those came with me. But the memories that really matter stayed there. They're to priceless to be put in a box. Feelings. Love. Heartache. They will be there forever. Almost like a part of mewas never leaving. But as I got in the car to leave that wonderful place, I knew that the part of me thatwas stayingwas very important. Iwould never be the same again. Iwould always have a longing for that spacial feeling. That feeling called love.
Being here in this big town is different. I don't know anyone. I don't feel like I ever will. Or Like I don't want to. I will never let go of the good memories. I can't even go shopping without getting stuck in traffic for an hour. I will never know my way around this town. I will never have friends like I used to. I thought I could do it. But I can't. Leaving is so hard. I knew that town like the back of my hand. I knew those streets. Those people. Its all I have ever known. All I want to know. That was my home, and italways will be.
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