Winter's Rush

Reads: 430  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 6

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Who loves Winter? I do.

Winter's Rush

 

 Here upon the tainted light,

playing with a normal kite,

when everything you see isn't right,

suddenly something's cold in sight.

A beautiful rain of soft winter snow,

gorgeous enough to let the kite go,

putting on your winter clothes,

and to play in the frost to have a go.

Snowfights across the giant snowfields,

hiding behind hills to shield,

kids around with snowballs to wield,

iceskating around above the frozen teal.

Nothing felt as thrilling as much,

until I felt the Winter's rush.

 

 


Submitted: July 18, 2014

© Copyright 2022 InnerDragoness. All rights reserved.

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Comments

InnerDragoness

I'm accepting all opinions, I would love to hear any useful tips to improve my writing! Thank you for reading.

Fri, July 18th, 2014 7:19am

InnerDragoness

By the way, this was just a quick wrap up. No big thought into it, but just wanted to post a thing or two online to share.

Fri, July 18th, 2014 7:23am

mhamzasiddiqui

It's good! I loved it. Winter's too damn awesome. I love it too! ;D

Fri, July 18th, 2014 8:45am

Lisa Ayers

Great imagery, I could see the kids playing. You created such a delightful feel for such a cold season. Nice!

Fri, July 18th, 2014 8:50am

Bert Broomberg

I'm not a summer person myself, so I can appreciate this poem. You asked for some tips, so let's have a closer look at this poem. Whenever you use rhyme, try to avoid coming up with pairs like "fields-shield". It's also a good idea to avoid using aaaa as a rhyme scheme, that gets a bit predictable, use variation. It could also be a good idea to divide a poem like this into a number of stanzas. I hope this has been helpful.

Fri, July 18th, 2014 12:00pm

InnerDragoness

Thanks so much everyone, and for the help.

Fri, July 18th, 2014 11:54pm

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