life without a father

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
this article narrates how leaving without a father is like in Africa,esp in Zimbabwe and the possible ways of handling the challenges fatherless children face.Read and be inspired,so you can inspire the next person.Cause we survive

Submitted: September 16, 2012

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Submitted: September 16, 2012

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Its not easy to have to grow without a father figure in your life.Some say,its harder for a male child than for a female child but the truth that it doesnt matter whether you are a male or female,a father figure is needed in ones life!

Here in Zimbabwe they are a lot of single mothers who have to deal with raising a child on their own,unfortunately when those children are grown some fathers are selfish enough that they start claiming that child.This is because in most tribes in Africa the child belongs to the father but with this new era, some women have been able to fight this to the courts and win it,well,there comes the issue of how financial stable are you to go all the way to the courts.The very thing that matters most never clicks in most parents mind while they are doing their custody battles or claiming battles(this is for the lack of proper term),is how the child feels and the possible reactions.

I recently talked to a girl called Lucy* when i was having lunch at school,she narrated to me how her life was without her father.The girl had met her father twice in her 20years and he had just shown up again and it was depressing for her.She had first met him when she was 13years,the first and second time came in the same year and she never saw him again till recently,when she was about to celebrate her being enroled at the local varsity!She painfully recalled how between 13 and 19 years she wished to see her father again but he never showed up,having sleepless nights thinking maybe tomorrow but new day came and passed without him.

Her story takes me back to the times i wished to meet my father again,i had however first met him when i was 12 and he never showed after right round about seeing him for the fouth time,having to show up after excelling from high school.I recall my mother calling him to help with school fees and uniforms for high school after i had graduated from secondary school.The answer was "i dont have money and i still have to pay fees for Sara* and James* who are at varsity",at that time,with that statement i knew i wasnt his responsibility and wasnt important to him and i made a decision to eliminate him in my life and i did.My mother had never before that day asked for anything from him,but because our nation was going through inflation it became hard for her to take solo responsibility and decided to call for my fathers help but in vain.

This is the stage of rejection that a child goes through,someone calls out for help on your behalf and that person closes his ears and folds his arms,why,because you were born out of wedlock or he has devorced your mother.That suffering that we grow seeing our mothers going through just to make ends meet moulds us,into either monsters or samaritans.My point is,some children get frustrated with seeing their mothers suffer that they bottle the anger and let it out on the next person,that is the child becomes violent.If its not that, that child may find solace in gangsterism,drug abuse,prostitution e.t.c.However,to others the suffering become the reason to be strong,to live for that one parent who bends in heat and rainy season for their upkeep.Those children become a figure of respect to their communities,and will emulate the love that single parent gave to them,and give it to any person who needs it.

It is a fact also that a lot of fathers want a part in their childrens life once they excel,bride price if its a girl,benefits from a working son ,if its a male.This becomes a new battle that a child has to fight,once it was fighting poverty,now the greedy father.The child is caught between,in Africa it is considered bad luck or taboo to fight your parent,henceforth some because they cant handle being caught in the centre,they commit suicide.Suicide,most youths in the world think its a better way to escape their sorrows,pain and miseries but its not but dialogue is better off or even simple communication.Personally,i forgave my father ,that has enabled me to move on,he can come to my life if he wants,its,fine but my mother i make sure she is always a part of me,simple because she made me an important part of her when she was the only one i had.

The most important thing i want to highlight is that we can not move on if we hold grudges but forgiveness and letting go of the past pain catapults us to endless possibilities,enabling us to move on without having to reminisce on the pain full past with tears but think of it as a road your creator made you take for you to be a better person and an inspiration to the next person.

sadwe survive cause we are strong

inoe92


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