Echoes Of the Past

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
As we get older whether we like or not we do look to our past or at least I do all the things that have happened and the memories but the people and place you have been to leaves its own residue.

Submitted: June 30, 2010

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Submitted: June 30, 2010

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Echoes of the Past.

People we have met and people we have loved people we have lost the memories stay with you forever, and yet we have to live in the present day and not dwell on the past but so often we all do maybe I shouldn't speak for others but for me the older I get the more I live in a world of my own that isto say, I am out of touch but in some ways I suppose I am pineing for my youth I never realized that until just now, the moment I thought about and actually wrote it here it is just in writing it becomes real, I am looking for something that no longer exists I feel like a dinosaur at times, and time is precious but we are such fickle creatures and we just get caught up in the day on the daily grind and before we know it life has entered another stage.

All these sayings you are as young as you feel well thats a joke I feel ancient some days olderthan my years, I wasn't born that long ago but it feels like I was born in victorian times, maybe I was born in the wrong time, I feel that way, although I don't know if I could have survived in that time but the era is what I mean, I have victorian views when comes to how to behave and how to express myself I rarely express affection in public with the exception of my children.

As regards to men my views are old fashioned which probably restricts me in this current modern world, my morals and my principles will always remain the same I have been married for 14 years and I have to say it has not always been easy but I found my duty to my children and my husband I would not want to marry again and I would not want to divorce even if I was totally miserable which at times I have been I have taken my wedding vowels and stand by them and it has been tough at times just because marriage can sometimes be difficault does not mean to walk away, but with one exception if my husband was unfaithful then I would divorce him I will not tolerate infidelity.

At times I found myself daydreaming of my someone else but that is just a dream and I have to live in reality and keep myself grounded but it does not stop me wanting to let my hair down once in a while I feel so wooden but on the inside I feel a burning desire to just let go and do what I like I just can't I feel powerless at times and powerful at other times, I am so bored with my personal life I know it can't be one long party but I just need to go out and have a good time be like a child without a care in the world, responsibilites and life drags me down I feel so hemmed in at times and liberated at others, I feel like I need to flirt and have fun and this is not in my nature to be a flirt but where can it lead anyway and what is the point it all leads one way and that is physical but maybe that is what I need to do, mentally I do need to talk and have a deep and meaningful conversation on the other hand I need someone in a passionate way I have never found a man to do both I feel so lost and so untouched and so distant I wish I was the person I used to be when I was young wild and free, I worry about what people think of me and my reputation is important to me but who really cares anyway there will always be somebody else to talk about and headlines will be wrapped in chips the next day well they used to be best place for them lol.


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