Just Because I don't Speak.
Just because I do not say anything does not mean I do not feel anything, I take it in or yes believe me like a blue print I drink in everything like a sponge saturated and overload proceeds my on curiosity to know things is sometimes my own worst enemy I am always looking to learn something new, to do something new this dread I feel that I need to do everything before I die my mortality is very much present in my mind today, so I have learned to appreciate and try to be patient when things do not go quite according to my plan in fact when it comes to my life it is not how I planned it would be, but nethertheless I am at peace with my choices now and my fear is that I will die and everything I have achieved will be for nothing or of no consequence, you could argue I have a low self esteem and lack confidence which I know already I have had to work on this all my life and the only thing that has changed either of these things is age I try to the best of my ability to do everything with complete dedication and give everything I have and maybe more sometimes it is my nature.
Today my stomach is in knots, its nerves I suppose but I do not appear nervous, on the outside I am calm on the inside I am in turmoil, know one would ever guess will I ever conquer this feeling of doom I really hope so it is not as frequent as it used to be so I just take each day and enjoy it as much as I can without trying to wish the time away, some people say killing time this is not how I want to be I want everything I do to have a purpose or a meaning of some kind otherwise what is the point.
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