When you came.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
I told you... And you love me for it...

Submitted: December 05, 2011

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Submitted: December 05, 2011

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I just felt so scared, I felt FEAR. I didn't know what to do any more... I talked to a friend about it, about cutting myself, and it made me feel a bit better. I still felt guilty though, guilty of keeping you in the dark, keeping a secret from you... I had to tell you... But then I was scared of what you would think of me? would you shun me? put me in a corner where the freaks belong? would you still love me? would I still be your daughter? I didn't want to disappoint you.

I cried, and cried... Soon after I had made my decision... I will tell you!

I sat, and waited, till you got home. And when I felt you were good and ready... I spoke. It was hard, really hard... The first words I spoke; you couldn't understand through the tears... But I stuck with it, I felt that since I had started, I couldn't go back. So I told you, I told you what I was doing, showed you... And you sat there... Listened... I said it was hard to explain... You said it wasn't... Then you asked how long it had been happening, and I told you about the times I had lied, the times I was hurting... The times I felt the whole world was on me, crushing me, dragging me down... Still you listened... You didn't hold me, hug me, you didn't even reach for my hand... And that frightened me, I though you might not want me anymore, that you would shun me, dust me into some dark corner... Then you said to me, "Leah, I will never view you any different. I've been where you've been...
And those words, those few words told me everything was going to be alright, we were going to get help, make it all better.

It wasn't until after you had bandaged my wounds with love that you took me into your arms and hugged me tightly... I will never forget the feeling of your arms around my shoulders, anchoring me to reality... I love you mum, and always will... I am so grateful you were there for me, you didn't throw me away... You've saved me when you came, you saved me when I was something you didn't know.

Still I feel guilty... But I know you love me... And you said to me, "Nobody hurts Leah, nobody; not even Leah..." I wont hurt you're Leah Mum. I wont hurt her again...  

 

  * Authors note: Yes, I have been in a dark place recently, I have been diagnosed with depression... It sacred me, and still does... And although I only told my mum yesterday (5 Dec) I feel tones better and am getting the help I need... If anyone wishes to talk, feel they are in a similar position or anything that's a problem, feel free to post on my page; but remember, everyone will be able to see, I will delete it after, But sometimes the more people that know, the better it is... Stay well. * 


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