13 years of Forbidden Love

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is the story of the last 13 Years of being in love with someone I could never have.

Submitted: September 24, 2016

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Submitted: September 24, 2016



This is the story of being in love with one man and not being able to do anything about it.

It was the summer of 2003, I was sweating while I sat on the hot metal bleachers daydreaming. I slowly glanced around and noticed there were other equally hot and sweaty people doing the same thing. Staring at a maze of blow up targets, plywood walls, and at each end a small simple building with a flag at the top. The field was surrounded by a netting to protect us bystanders. I was secretly hoping this game would end, shoot it had to be close to 100 degrees with 500% humidity. After a few more minutes of wishing I was swimming, I finally watched my brothers team capture the flag after eliminating multiple players with skilled tactics and multicolored paintballs, I knew it was finally over. As his friends came over and started stripping off their protective gear, I noticed him.

He was wearing black pants and a black long sleeve jersey style shirt. He was tall, and skinny. He wore eyeglasses over his big brown eyes and his perfectly straight, white smile was knee buckling. As I sat there, trying not to drool, he smiled at me. I did everything I could to smile but I ended up just turning away but keeping the group in my peripheral vision.

That's when I heard him ask my brother "who's that girl?" With a nod in my direction.

My brother, Chris, looked in my direction and hollered "Nicki come over here!"

Reluctantly and with my head down, I turned around and walked the twenty feet to stand next to him. That's when my brother introduced us.

"Mike, this is my sister, Nicki. Nicki this is Mike, he's new on the team."

My mind was racing, I was seventeen he was probably fifteen. Is this even legal? Am I his type? I wonder what he thinks of me? Where did he come from? All these questions just filled my train of thought, that was until Mike spoke. Oh god, his deep, sexy voice just melted me into a puddle of goop.

He said "nice to meet you, hope to see you around again."

I stumbled with my words "I, uh okay, yea um maybe you will."

He just looked at me and this sly smirk just crept up on those perfectly pink smooth lips of his.

A few weeks later, school started and I was working at McDonalds. I came home, exhausted, and smelling like old fry oil and a hint of chicken mcnuggets. Looking like a total hot mess, I walk into the house only to find Mike and my brother sitting in the living room playing video games. "Oh great! Kill me now!" Ran through my mind.

Mike looked at me, smiled and said "Well, did you bring us some food?"

I laughed, which was easy to do because he was so cute. I told him "no but let me shower and I'll go pick up some pizzas."

As I walked down the hall, I could hear him whispering to my brother.

My brother being the annoying little brother he was, yelled "Mike thinks you're cute, can I give him your number? Okay thanks her number is....."

I didn't even have a chance to object-not saying I would've but still. I didn't dare turn around as I knew my face was bright red, I smiled and tried not to scream like a little school girl. As I opened my door to my room I ran in slammed the door and plopped on my bed with the biggest smile on my face. After showering and getting dressed I drove to the pizza place that was only ten minutes up the road. My mind was racing, I found myself smiling and replaying that moment in my head. He thinks I'm cute. How could he think I'm cute? I'm only five foot one inch, I have short blonde hair, green eyes, big boobs and a thicker build with broad shoulders.By all means I'm not a size zero or a cheerleader. Matter of fact I played softball and was on the swim team. Not girly but not a tomboy either. I didn't wear a lot of make-up or tiny skirts. I was me. Just a plain Jane. As my mind wondered I pulled into the pizza place, picked up the pizzas and continued my drive home. As I pulled into the driveway my text tone went off.

It was from an unknown number and all it said was "Hi." I knew who it was from but I had to play dumb.

So I replied "who is this?" I waited anxiously for a reply.

It never came, that was until we were sitting at the dinner table eating pizza. It said "Mike." I immediately choked on my food and quickly ran to the kitchen for some water. After a few more hours of them playing video games Mike was picked up by his mom, Priscilla. She was a beautiful Filipino lady with the same big brown eyes,with short black hair. She was short like me and slightly pudgy. We talked for a few minutes before they left andthat's when everything changed.

About an hour after Mike left I was receiving texts from him. Oh you know the ones that make you feel good. "You're beautiful" "you're sweet" "you're funny". Those kind. We talked about our hobbies, likes and dislikes. Our siblings, family and friends. I learned so much about him in the five hours we texted then I knew about my best friend, Cassie who lived across the street. He liked to play video games, paintball, he had an older brother, Warren, a step brother named Nick, and a step dad named JP. Over the next few weeks we grew closer and closer. However, we never made it official (that'll come later in the story) we had a lot of chemistry. Sure some say seventeen and fifteen years old? No, that's puppy love. It wasn't, it was a love I've never felt. The spark, the feelings, the butterflies. That isn't puppy love.

After months of secretly meeting up, his mom never approved of him dating- he was a mommy's boy. We started sending the more riskier texts. Or 'sexts' as they are now known as. It was getting seriously hot and sexy. We were talking on the phone every day, texting every chance and telling each other 'I love you'. Then one day my mom, being the nosy, control freak she was, went through my phone and found the texts, and sexts. She immediately called Priscilla and invited her over.

'Just great, effing great!' I thought. I tried to give Mike the 'we are in trouble look' but him being the typical guy, couldn't pick up on the queue. So as we sat around the dinner table my mom showed Priscilla our very inappropriate and personal texts. After a few moments of silence she looked at Mike and demanded him to hand over his phone. As she scrolled through his phone you could see her getting angry.

She looked at him and yelled "you're grounded. And you're never to contact Nicki again!"

You could see the tears welling up in his eyes. Visibly hurt and/or scared. Priscilla thanked my mom for telling her and they left. It was like my heart was ripped out, thrown on the ground and stomped over by a heard of Buffalo. I was distraught, I couldn't eat, sleep or even focus. I would see Mike at school and he would smile and then look down. I could see the hurt in his eyes. I would turn around and walked away with my tears rolling down my cheeks. I decided that the best thing I could've done was to find some one else. So I did. His name was Gary. He wasn't cute, he was short and chunky. He had a birth mark all over his face and body. He was funny and very sweet. But we had nothing in common. But it was a way to get the heat off of Mike and I. Which did help, Priscilla let Mike visit and hang out with my brother again. It was nice to see him but very hard.

Anywho Gary and I dated a few months and then in June 2004 we graduated high school. A week later I turned 18. My mom and I got into a fight and she kicked me out of the house. Priscilla found out I was living in my car and offered me her spare room. Yep, the spare room right down the hall from Mikes room.

'Oh lawdy! This was either going to be awesome or awkward.' I thought. Afterall I was still dating Gary, who moved out of town on my 18th birthday but we only seen each other every other week. Anyway, Priscilla went to her mom's in Livermore quite often. Which left Mike and I alone. We talked about what happened and how we felt. We never got the closure on our relationship. It was never a mutual break up. It was a forced break up. The more time we spent alone, the more we grew closer. We would take trips out of town with his mom and he would sit in the back seat and secretly hold my hand while she drove. Sure I was already in a relationship, sure it was cheating but I didn't love Gary and it was just a matter of time before we broke up. In my heart I was madly in love with Mike and have been for over a year now.

Mike and I had fun. We had an unbelievably strong connection. The sex was good, no I take that back, the sex was amazing. When I took his virginity it was the most intense moment we've ever shared. The deep true love, the intense heat in a slightly terrifying moment was unbelievable. After that first time we had sex anywhere and anyway possible. Old dirt roads, pull outs off the highway, the back of his moms BMW parked in the garage, anywhere we could, we did.We couldn't get enough of each other. The passion we had for one another was unbelievable. When his mom would leave town,we cuddled in bed, or on the couch all night. We talked about what could be our lives if people knew. At this time having sex was technically illegal I was eighteen and he was sixteen. If his mom found out she'd throw me in jail. And honestly, it would've been all worth it.

We kept our love and our relationship a secret for another year. I got into trouble and spent six months in jail. When I got out I was nineteen and he was seventeen and a senior in high school. We didn't talk much and he moved on. Which I did too.

In 2006 I met my now husband, Kele at the age of nineteen. He proposed when I was twenty, I said yes and six months later, in 2007 we were married. Mike met a girl named Kayla and they started dating.

Over the past 10 years I've seen him around town, we would meet eyes and exchange quick 'heys' and be on our way. But every time I seen him those butterflies and the amazing memories would all come flooding back. It would take me weeks to push them back to where they belonged, in the depths of my cherished but past memories folder. I'd finally start forgetting about him only to run into him again and start all over.

His mom and I formed a great bond, she is now considered a second mom to me. I love her to pieces. She doesn't bring up my past or even ask about what happened. We laugh, cry and talk for hours. So when she moved back into town I was elated! I was hanging out at her house all the time. A beautiful two story house with brown siding and cream trim, she has this wrap around deck that we would sit on and just talk. Mike would be over there a lot. We'd make eye contact and those big brown eyes of his would send chills down my spine. He was still with Kayla, I was with Kele. We respected each other and our spouses. Priscilla threw many BBQ's, parties and just get together's, so we ran into each other a lot. 

In 2014 Kayla and Mike announced they were expecting. Being part of the family I was invited to her baby shower. Awkward. I was invited to meet her beautiful son, Owen when he was born on January 25, 2015. He was perfect in every way. He had his mom's nose and eyelashes and he had his daddy's big brown eyes, dark hair and his perfectly shaped lips. We visited frequently and got to watch Lil O grow and reach milestones. It wasn't until October 24th 2015 that we ran into Mike and Priscilla and baby Owen who was 10 months old, at a fall festival. Mike had been drinking, which he does quite often, and he started teasing me (Mike and I used to tease each other so his mom never found out about us). Anywho, he started teasing me and I jokingly slapped his leg after every insult. We finally met eyes and I knew that feeling was back. The spark, the butterflies the sexual tension... How can that be? It's been years, we've both moved on. But here it is those feelings and they are stronger then ever before. After the fall festival we all went out to pizza, Mike was wasted at this point. My best friend, Cassie drove him home. Ten minutes later he called his stepdad JP and asks to talk to me. He wanted my phone number. I gave it to him without hesitation. A few seconds later he calls me. My heart skips a beat, my palms are sweaty, my stomach is in my throat, I'm shaky.

I answer the phone "hello?" Like I didn't know who was calling.

He said "are you alone?"

I replied "I'm outside by my car, what's up?" The next thing he says made my heart stop.

"Do you still feel the connection?"

"Ya, I , yes" I managed to reply.

He said, "me too, I don't know why, but seeing you earlier brought back all those feelings I had for you 12 years ago." I stood there leaning on my car confused, elated, mad, happy, and curious. That night started what is to be the craziest, terrifying and messed up year I've ever had......

We started texting every day, all day. We talked casually, just like we used too. It was so easy to talk to him. We sent jokes, and pictures. We reminisced about the old days. We just talked and listened to each other. It was awesome. 

In February 2016 I started watching his son, I started watching him once a week and gradually worked up to three days a week. In May Mike took a week off work for his birthday which ultimately gave me a week off as well. By day three I was going crazy. I needed to see my Lil O. So I asked Mike if I could come down to visit with Owen, he agreed so I got dressed and drove the twenty minutes to his house. As I pulled into their perfect little driveway to their perfect little blue house with the perfect white picket fence (no joke, it's like a scene out of a romantic movie) my heart starts racing. I knock on the door he opens and I'm greeted by the high pitch, excited scream of Owen. He motions for me to pick him up and I do. He hugs me and gives me kisses.

Mike smiles and said "looks like someone else missed you too."

"Who else missed me?" I replied 

He gave me the infamous sly smirk and said "You know who."

Owen and I played for about two hours while Mike sat on the couch laughing and smiling. We made small talk he asked if I had snapchat, which I had never heard of, he told me to download it so I did.Mike had to meet a friend so we stepped out on the porch to put our shoes on-Mike doesn't allow shoes to be worn in the house. He bends down and I can't help but notice his light grey t-shirt riding up and showing his bare lower back, my knees get weak and my eyes slowly start cruising their way down his back and towards his teal colored boxers hanging out of his slightly baggy blue jeans.

As if he knew what I was doing he said "now don't be staring at my butt."

I replied, "And what if I was? What if I wanted to touch it?"

Mike said "Don't start nothing you can't finish."

"Oh I'll finish what I start, if you'll let me' I said as I reached down and grabbed his butt. He didn't object, matter of fact he seemed to take his time putting on his shoes.

We go on with running our errands, Mike met a friend and I ran to Walmart. As I walking around Walmart his text tone went off reminding me to set up snap chat. So while waiting for my prescription to be filled I set up my snap account.

I head to his mom's house to visit with her and my visiting best friend. He heads home to meet his bet friend who cane to town to visit. They head to a local bar and proceed to have a good time. Mike was snap chatting me pictures and calls when out of no where I get that one snap message. You know the one girls, the "send me a naughty pic" message. I was more then happy to send him one or ten... I went into his mom's bathroom and sent him what he asked for. 

After leaving the bar the boys walked back to Mikes house, his friend passed out on the couch while Mike sat outside texting me. He asked me to come pick him up down the road, so I made an excuse to leave early. I drove the two minutes to his house. He jumps in the car and the first thing he does is grab my boobs.

"Wow, I've missed these bad boys!"

I shake my and head and say "What now?"

"Take us somewhere dark and quiet." he replied.

We drove about fifteen minutes to a nearby lake and parked in a pullout near the bridge. We both crawled into the backseat and it definitely felt like old times. Now I won't go into details, but use your imagination. After we were done, I drove him back to his house and I then drove home.

As the months went on we had more and more meet ups at our spot at the bridge by the lake. 

Fast forward to August. We all are camping. His mom, stepdad, brother, Owen and him. Then it was me, Kele and my bestie Cassie. My husband had to work Friday night so he didn't arrive until Saturday afternoon. After everyone went to bed, I stayed up with Mike and his brother Warren who were drinking. I was more of the den mother who told them to quiet down when they got too rowdy. As we are telling stories around the camp fire I notice Mike is moving closer to me, until he is sitting right next to me. I'm trying my hardest no to squeal or pass out from pure exhilaration. His brother turns to pee on a tree, and he makes his move. He grabs my foot and puts it in his lap, he proceeds to rub my leg under the blanket. He stops every once in a while when he thinks his brother is catching on. The night gets later and we can barely keep our hands off each other. The sun starts rising around six am. He asks me to drive them to the lake, so I do. Once there we failed miserably at controlling ourselves, we didn't care if his brother knew or not. We were hugging, kissing, touching, flirting it was insanely steamy. After skipping rocks on the glass like lake we decided to drive up into the mountains. The dirt back roads I frequently hunt with my husband. I knew these dirt roads, I showed them the burn scar from a devastating fire from 2013-the RIM Fire. While driving Warren starts asking us questions about us and why we never stayed together. How he can feel the connection between us, how it shouldn't matter what people say as long as we are happy.

Mike and I just looked at each other, we knew Warren was right but we had to much riding on a decision to even attempt to be together. I was married, he has a son with his girlfriend. We live two completely different lives now. But Mike told me how much he wanted to be with me and how much he loved, that what we had was real.

I asked "If we weren't forced to break up where would we be today?"

He smiled, then frowned "We would be married, I wanted to marry you!"

I sat there speechless, hurt and angry. I had everything I wanted sitting next to me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. My heart broke, my stomach sank. We continued to drive. We stopped at a trail and we all walked the two miles down to a beautiful little lake. We walked across the dam hand in hand, arm in arm and occasionally stopped to embrace each other. Just standing on the dam looking out on the crisp, clear chilly lake he kisses me on the forehead. The chills I had just disappeared, I got the warm fuzzy feeling all over. I look up into is amazing big brown eyes and smile. He bends down and gently kisses my lips. I melt deeper into his embrace. We don't have to say anything to each other, we know what we are feeling and we were just going to enjoy the moment together.


After standing there hugging for twenty minutes or so we realize his brother is missing. We start looking for him. I spot him in the spillway of the dam passed out on a rock. We start screaming his name he isn't answering, so Mike hikes the big boulders to where he is while I stay on the dam. When he reaches his brother, I sit down and patiently wait for them to climb back up. Mike walks up to me grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet where he immediately kisses me. We turn to walk off the damn hand in hand. 

We start climbing the hill to the car, but being a smoker, slightly chunky and definitely out of shape I struggled. He didn't make fun of me, he encouraged me and we tackled that hike together. We get to the car, get in and we are on our way back to the campsite, we hold hands not saying a word to each other just touching and enjoying the moment. We arrive back at camp, at this time everyone else is awake. We let go of each other and we went our separate ways. We still shared a stare or smile between us periodically when no one was looking. We went back to him teasing me and ignoring each other like we've done for so many years.


For 13 years, I loved this man. This man I knew I could never be with. This man I wanted to be with. This man who wanted to be with me. We obeyed our parents and in the end we both realized we are suffering. We both have our other spouses, we both have our different lives. We can never be together. We will continue to love each other and we will continue to have our memories, but we will never have each other. And that is the worst pain we can never fully forget. 

So girls, do what makes you happy, live for yourselves, not for others. Have fun and love with all you have. 
















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