you believed,
from the first moment,
one foot in front of the other,
you believed
even as you stepped up
onto the parapet
you believed
and as your foot
stepped off
the edge
you believed
an updraught
caused your body to
hesitate for a second
and you smiled
believing
before plummeting
I watched as
the red rubies
from your body
scattered in the rain
I had never believed
Submitted: March 14, 2013
© Copyright 2021 Irwinagain. All rights reserved.
Comments
Another fine poem, Irwin!
Thu, March 14th, 2013 4:07pm
Author
Reply
Thank you sir.
Thu, March 14th, 2013 10:23am
You pose a really fine question and one that is unfathomable. Is it better to die a believer or to live as a cynic? If we don't believe in something, if we don't believe in our selves then what is the point in existence?
I will go and further consider
Dibs
Author
Reply
Thank you Dibs for your thoughtful comments. You pose more questions than answers but was life ever thus?
Sun, March 17th, 2013 11:42pm
OH my gosh, Wow! Yes, i don't know why i love this so much, but i do.
i guess that death is just that fascinating Ha.
but you have the gift of bringing to life
(pun intended heehee)
Author
Reply
Thank you Katie for the comments and for stopping by.
Tue, March 19th, 2013 7:58am
oh wow! You have to believe enough before taking any plunge - no matter what. You express that succinctly. Your last stanza almost romanticised the death - the belief held and the act was practically regal ("red rubies", "scattered in the rain")
Yet your firmness in not believing, last line, brings the reader back to earth with a thud. Because of course (most of us!) don't believe either.
Wonderful to see something from you.
Author
Reply
Wonderful to be able to write something, however meager! Thank you for bringing your comments to the piece and adding to it Anna.
Wed, March 20th, 2013 11:39am
Dang! Gave me chills! Really well done!
Fri, May 31st, 2013 3:20pm
Author
Reply
Thank you kind sir, much appreciated.
Fri, May 31st, 2013 2:15pm
You're still an incredible writer that can affect the reader with your words that paint images upon the mind. Glad to see you're still here and writing. Great poem.
Tue, September 10th, 2013 11:32pm
Author
Reply
Thank you kind sir. Looking forward to reading your work. I'm a bit sterile at the moment and I find it hard to get going but I have confidence that my muse will return.
Tue, September 10th, 2013 11:21pm
We're in the same boat. My pen has gone dry but hopefully I can come up with some ideas. I'll post some old ones in the meantime.
Wed, September 11th, 2013 1:14pm
Author
Reply
I look forward to reading some.
Thu, September 12th, 2013 2:03am
Your wonderful economy with words adds immensely to the power of this poem.
Like Bob,it gave me chills too.
Dee.
Author
Reply
Thank you for your comment, glad it chilled you.
Tue, September 17th, 2013 8:13am
This is good, the poem is very much in harmony- yet, still reflects the conflicting perspectives. It serves as both a good showcase of ability in the way you have constructed it, as well as food for thought. Luke
Mon, January 27th, 2014 8:55pm
Author
Reply
An insightful comment Luke which brings new perspective to the piece. Thank you.
Tue, January 28th, 2014 1:00am
ah, I found it scary, well it truly gave me the chills. Great work
Sun, October 12th, 2014 11:51pm
Author
Reply
Thank you so glad you left a comment
Sun, October 12th, 2014 11:57pm
A cynical poem, Irwin, but a reality one. Whatever one may believe, one cannot just do a stupid thing and expect to be saved. Reminds me of a woman who, when her children ate filthy things off the floor, said not to worry because, "God will take care of us."
Fri, January 22nd, 2016 4:23pm
Author
Reply
Thank you Godfrey
Fri, January 22nd, 2016 2:41pmFacebook Comments
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Km2
Wow! Paints a picture that's visually stunning. Vivid. Proud to be your first like and comment. Do check some of my work, if you like? I'm sure there's something you will enjoy.
Thu, March 14th, 2013 3:33pmAuthor
Reply
Thank you for your comment. You are new to me so will pop over and check you out.
Thu, March 14th, 2013 8:43am