Worthless Thirst

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Sometimes we just want more and more, but due to fate, keep on encountering unexpected hurdles causing us to choose. But what would become of someone who, after encountering and overcoming such hurdles finally receives everything that he ever yearned for and yet lost everything else in the process. All it takes is just one decision to turn your life...for good or for bad, only the time to come could tell.

Submitted: July 05, 2010

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Submitted: July 05, 2010

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Moving through the dark murky streets of MK village, I used to wonder and be amazed at the glory and cool lifestyles of all the smiling gorgeous faces looking down upon me from the huge banners swaying against the walls of the K Palace Movie Theater.

Cool gusts of wind sweeps my long black tresses causing a shiver of anticipation as I stood facing the huge screen. Films had always been my weakness. No matter how much my family or anybody else might have wanted it to be, I knew deep in my heart that jobs like farming or even endless tolling with unnecessary books either was not a fate meant for me. I knew beyond any doubt that I was meant to be a star (nothing less), shining brighter than anyone else, prancing around on that very same screen of K Palace, in the dark corridors of which I practically lived my entire life.

The urge was hard to resist. Although my father tried his best to help me and keep me in check, using all sorts of interesting tools (or weapons?) ranging from simple boots to dreaded sickles, yet it failed to detach my heart from my body. Whenever I heard of Friday launches or box-office successes, my feet moved involuntarily leading me through those all too well-known corridors of K Palace and into the cheap front rows through any means possible.

I had often heard that fathers are children’s ATM machine and so my naïve mind took it upon itself to find out its authenticity. Not too long after, my dad’s wallet started miraculously lightening up and his weathered yet handsome face glowing red and yet perplexed at the same time, much to our humor. But every evil thing must come to an end sometime. These particular incidents were no exceptions and neither I unbelievingly lucky. I got caught one day red-handed and…

I survived somehow and much to my own surprise, it didn’t deter me a bit. On the contrary, the doom’s day only ended up strengthening my will to get out of this mess and realize my dream. Ultimately, they accepted their defeat and my family resigned, leaving me to me.

I, on the other hand, drowned myself into my dream world. Watching the fine skills of actors onscreen, I tried to imbibe every hero or villain deep into my being. I was possessed, lost in the miasma of indigenous works of all those money-stuffed directors. I started dreaming, or rather it would be more appropriate to say that I was trapped in my dreams (or were they illusions?). I couldn't tell the difference and even if I could, I never intended to break out of such a beautiful illusion. I wanted to let it go on forever. Eventually, I started seeing myself as one of those handsome men in those mesmerizing storyline who usually fights the evil and sweeps the girl away.

Each time, even before the film had ended, I already used to change from a disgrace to one of those charming celebrities who spreads their divine aura everywhere they went. The dialogues came to me naturally, complete with any and every finesse necessary and I, indiscriminately, graced anyone willing to as much as cross my path, with them.

Every hit irrespective of the actors thrilled me. At the same time, any flops (movies that I considered worth something) sent me to those depths of darkness from which revival was almost impossible. Nobody bothered me and neither I them.

Soon after, the process of sneaking into the movie theater started feeling childish and selfish. As loyal as I was, my conscience couldn’t accept such selfishness. There was so much more that I could have done instead of just wasting my time. I wanted to be a part of that world. And if I be honest with myself, only theater alone started feeling insufficient for me. So, I sought out an answer for this insatiable burning in my belly.

Neither piracy nor stealing was anything new at that time and provided an easy answer to a lot of problems, especially if they’re financial, just like mine. My all-too-loyal friends supported me until the very end for which I’m grateful, or then, maybe not. Deeds I did count as crime. I knew that. But who cares when one is blinded with a monstrous lust and grotesque desires that knew no end. My desires overtook me and my present and future started undergoing a change, for good or for worst, only time to come was to tell. One thing lead to another and changed the simple direction of my life and existence forever.

Before, I could even comprehend what was happening, my home, friends, family and my familiar village were all far behind me. Overnight, I was dwelling on the wide streets of Monasque aimlessly – in a condition befitting beggars and a desire and hope rivalling Mt. Everest – rough, unsure and yet immovable. I had no guidance or cue. I kept walking deep into the long unfamiliar night waiting for the dawn, not knowing what to do with my life until I met someone who changed everything forever.

That was twenty years ago. Today, I once again visited MK Village with my business partner, Robinson, who picked me from the streets and dropped me onto the platform of glory. In spite of all that he may have done for helping me achieve my current status, to me he was just that - a business partner, not a friend for he never gave much importance to the second relation. Cruel as this world often is, he was only there with me (for the time being), not for me. I was a money-making machine for him and I had a vague suspicion that should this machine hinder, require maintenance or even worse, broke down, he won’t take a second to find a replacement. A much easier way in comparison to mending the poor machine, considering that this world is full of cheap yet promising replacements of the likes of me. Spending twenty years of time together was no big deal. I have no problems. After all, I was here for the exact same reason as his – just living the life of extravagance. That’s it. As long as I get it, what else I wanted. Friends didn’t matter. After all, didn’t I leave that very same thing earlier to achieve this? Look how much the time had changed. I’ve actually become battle-hardened both mentally and physically. Quite impressive, isn’t it?

Looking at the old places, I see that a lot has changed here too. Huts gave way to tall buildings; paved roads gave way to freeways and even people's thoughts become modern. Maybe, it’s because of these good changes that I couldn’t find any of those old familiar faces. The small hut that I used to call home lay in shambles. I can’t find my family, my friends in this blinding glow of neon lights everywhere. My heart shattered.

A little spark of joy was kindled when I saw every street-corner and the display of the K Palace adorned with a huge banner with a huge handsome well-known face smiling down onto me. One that had long since yearned to be up there, so that it can mock at the miseries of the world.

My past twenty years had brought several hit music launches and world-wide blockbusters. My numb mind registered that my wishes had finally come true. Yet, there was an unexplained emptiness, a howling grief inside of me that I couldn’t escape from. It prevents me to feel those same artificial smiles displayed on those banners that so unmistakably belonged to me.

I had just found out that my (cruel as they might have been towards me at that time, only in order to prevent me from being destroyed, something that I now understood) dear parents had passed away and my friends forced to move to some unknown slum under the fake pretences of development. All this just to erect a beautiful neon sign board or drawing unnecessary expanses of freeways over those places where we once lived, played and spent half of our lives together, where our memories still lingered buried somewhere deep under the weight of a skyscraper or maybe dug out and thrown away so as to create an artificial lake – a man made wonder. I was shattering. Breaking slowly. But hadn’t I set all this in process all those years back knowing full well that this might happen. Hadn’t I practiced enough in all these year to face this scenario should it pass to happen? Am I not the battle hardened solider I thought I am? Then, why does it hurt so much?

Today, I have all that I once had wanted and only dreamt of but no one to share it with. And all I could do now is just watch, watch and bear as the fate executes whatever it weaved for me – ‘AT MY OWN COMMAND’.

Lots of emotions pass through me at the mere thought of my past. Memories break through the thick shield of my mind and I find myself skydiving through the moments of true joys that I once revelled in – laughter of my friends, warmth of my mother and love of my father. Then all of a sudden, against all my will, I get reminded of that fateful night when I, in spite of all the pleas and forceful yanking break through it all and left everything back, left everyone into that misery, just to not be there in the time of their need. I might not have been able to do much but being the cause of an added burden of guilt and sufferings due to an absconding child on the hearts of my parents was an unforgivable act on my behalf. An act for which, I know I’m going to pay dearly or maybe I’m already.

Standing in front of the K Palace in the heat of this July afternoon, surrounded by an exited mob (my fans), my eyes shimmer and I, very slyly, let a small drop of wetness trickle down my flawless features and onto the heat hardened ground, letting it to lie there as a rainbow colored sphere, maybe in hope to quench the worthless thirst of one of these crazed dreamers who could so easily be my other self, somewhere sometime in future.


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