No Name Called

Reads: 295  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
As a girl makes love to a man she fight the yearning to be validated. In that moment of being present, she stiffles the feeling of worth in order to not feel at all.

Submitted: April 12, 2015

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 12, 2015

A A A

A A A


 I wanted it; I wanted it so bad in that moment to be his everything, for him to beg me to fill the void in his life, to be the thing that made him whole. But that was where I went wrong, straddling him, I looked down on his mesmerized face feeling him deep inside me. Bringing my hips forward a thrust down feeling the pressure as he filled me, he held my hips steady and in seamless motion we rode the wave. But like a spray of ocean air without salt we had not depth because we knew each other too well. He had it all, he was filled and greedy, I just knew better as didn’t wish for anything else but this moment, the simplicity of the moment. He had known me as a girl and was my 1st to be honest but what he loved about me was my ability to compartmentalize, my lack of feeling and lack of want. He could use me, well we could use each other without expectation, I accepted he was an asshole and he just ‘accepted’ because I don’t think he has ever tried to label me.

One would have to care in some part to name a vessel; to name it is to give it purpose like vase or a pot. The words are simple but in those words comes it use, its purpose. I have never been named, like a feeling you can quite put your finger on, and then it passes, this ominous revelation stays a mystery, dismissed. However, in that silence, in that lack of being called one learns not to be, not to expect,  not feel, to believe that to want and to feel is careless, stupid, irresponsible because you know how it will end, it always ends the same way, deafening silence, no name given. Therefore, I fade, I lived the moment and now that is gone, so does the need to want, only the need to express remain, like note to mark that it wasn’t all in your head, jotting down a dream or making oneself real. Learning to be real again is necessary, it give you purpose, hope, and helps the vessel to see its worth, that vessel is me, that vessel is a person worth of being named. 


© Copyright 2019 IxyGyrl. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

More Memoir Miscellaneous