Forever on the Sea

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*Poetry- Metaphor contest entry* Life spent in complete isolation is no life at all, and sooner or later, Life will find you.

Forever on the Sea

Floating in serenity,

Undisturbed by the world-

On the Sea, naught but me

May see my thoughts unfurled.

* * * * *

Going anywhere yet nowhere,

Borne by current and raft.

Today, the Sea is fair,

The air a salty draft.

* * * * *

The sun's incandescent rays

Sink into the Sea's deep blue,

Giving Life cause to raise,

Obstructing my point of view.

* * * * *

Now, the clouds are gathering,

Laden with Fate's unseemly weight.

The Sea's stirring, the waves lathering

Lamenting my wasted state.

* * * * *

The Sea knows no empathy.

Already, I'm resigned to drown.

I watched for eternity,

As the Sea came crashing down.

* * * * *

But for me, more was in store,

From the icy grip, I broke free.

Drifted to a rocky shore,

The Sea now speaks to me:

* * * * *

"From me, go forth free

and on land find security,

For forever on The Sea

Man was never meant to be."

Submitted: February 26, 2014

Poetry life world inspiration fate change sea storm isolation land stuck

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Comments

angellynn

Gosh! This is fabulous. Love your use of metaphor and you describe the sea and its harshness for man so well. Loved it. You did a great job. I'll let you know the winners after the deadline.

Angellynn

Wed, February 26th, 2014 2:07pm

Author
Reply

Thanks, angellynn!

Wed, February 26th, 2014 6:45am

Pedro Starr

Likewise the previous comment's compliments. This is excellent. Keep writing! PS

Wed, February 26th, 2014 7:00pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the compliment!

Wed, February 26th, 2014 1:29pm

kes94kes

I enjoyed this poem quite a lot! Rarely do I read a poem on here that is well written that also rhymes. Your descriptions fit perfectly with the flow of the poem. I think there is only one part of a line that needs to be fixed. "The Sea's stirred, the waves lathering" is the line I'm talking about. The whole poem seems to be in present tense except for the first part of that line. Maybe change it to "The Sea's stirring"?? I hope this helps! Feel free to leave me another request anytime!

Wed, February 26th, 2014 9:29pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the review Kes, and yeah perhaps you're right. I will get to fixing that soon. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Wed, February 26th, 2014 1:35pm

AbstractKash

This was a brilliantly written poem with flawless Rhyming. You are good at story telling and also poems, which means your talented :) I will surely check out more of your work. Good luck with the contest. Another like~

Sat, March 1st, 2014 8:18am

Author
Reply

Thanks for your support, it means a lot to me! :D

Sat, March 1st, 2014 2:05am

KW156766

This was brilliant and beautiful. I just simply loved it. And as many of you on booksie know, i'm not one for poems.. but I just loved and adored this one. You are great at rhyming, flawless even. You surely have a god-given gift for this kind of stuff and you're just tremendously talented without a doubt! Good luck with the contest, you for sure should win! I enjoyed this to a tee and you had amazing flow with this. Keep up the great work and keep me updated as well, lovely! Sorry for getting back to you so late! xxx

Mon, March 10th, 2014 3:04pm

Author
Reply

Wow, thank you so much for this splendid comment! :)

Tue, March 11th, 2014 1:17pm